To not let my son go camping on his prom night

[longcoffeebreak]

Just that really. He is 16 and wants to camp after his prom with friends in a friend's parent's field.

I think the idea stinks and that they will be drinking and totally unsupervised.

He thinks I am too strict and everyone else is allowed to go ..

The OP Doesnt say whether girls will be going

No proms in my day, so the whole thing is novel to me.

Same here. The reach of US cultural colonialism is truly remarkable! Seems it has its roots in New England debutante balls...

No proms in my day, so the whole thing is novel to me.

They might not have been called proms but my grandparents who were born in the 1920s shared a dance at their 6th year leavers dance in Scotland when they were teenagers.

My DD did this. Spent most of the night holding her friend's hair as the friend puked in a bucket. I'd let him go.

Yes. He's 16, not 12. I would allow it.

There have been school leavers dances for at least 30 years if not longer. It's not a new thing. Calling it prom is.

The reach of US cultural colonialism is truly remarkable! Seems it has its roots in New England debutante balls.

Or even British ones?

I know where you are coming from, OP, but I reckon let him go. I quite fancy it myself!

They will have a great time. And if he drinks too much and throws up, at least it’s in a field, not on the carpet at home.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

There have been school leavers dances for at least 30 years if not longer. It's not a new thing. Calling it prom is.

I wouldn't say calling it prom is new either. I went to prom and I have been left school for 16 years.

I let DD and DS do this. I wasn't naive - knew there'd be alcohol and drugs. Mine def drank. The police were called to DD's camp bc of drug taking. She is super square (and I mean that as a compliment) and lived to tell the tale. DS was with v anti drug gf so I want at all worried about him. His hook would have been slung if he'd so much as had a sniff
I do think you have to trust them sometime

I think YANBU to be concerned, OP.

There's been a tradition of kids camping on the downs near where I live after their prom. They make loads of noise, leave loads of litter, get incredibly pissed, take loads of drugs and are generally a complete pain in the arse.

A couple of times, ambulances have had to attend, too.

If this is in another parent's field and the parents are going to be close by and able to step in if it all gets out of hand, I'd say let him go. If the field is nowhere near the house and they'll be out of sight and out of mind, I'd be uneasy about it based on what I know.

@PrtScn

Will girls be there? What are his male friends like? Will it be supervised in some way? My concern would be unwanted sexual behaviour (e.g. group of drunk boys egging each other on to “cop a feel” of the girls and it escalating etc or consensual drunken sex resulting in pregnancy).

Do you have sons?

Would they ever behave like that?

I know sexist behaviour and sexual assault are rife but it doesn’t just come from nowhere in any old group of young males.

I have come to know many lovely boys as friends of my teens. Gentle respectful intelligent human beings with a strong line in feminist politics and disgust for what they see their girl friends and sisters go through.

The OP is concerned because her son didn’t handle his earlier intro to alcohol well, and she is sensitive around alcohol issues.

Nowhere has she suggested that her Ds is a rampaging menace with ASBO and sex offender waiting to be added to his CV.

As long as he’s sensible and doesn’t over do it I would say 100% let him.

Me and my friends all did it at 16 and it was one of our favourite memories (we are 31 now). I think my mum dropped me and picked up up the next morning. After such a crappy year it would be something fun for him to look forward to and not feel left out of when all his friends are talking about it after. ☺️

I think getting drunk at 16 is all part of growing up and learning your limits etc and after prom parties are the main event (prom more for parents) If you are over strict he will sneak out/sneak the alcohol better to know where he is and what drink he's been sent with. And it's a time to bond and develop as a young adult. Please don't be the 1 parent who won't allow him to go or pick him up or sit in the next field. This was my parents and that damaged me emotionally/socially. He's got to learn to navigate these types of events he could be leaving for university in 2 years and then you will have no idea what he's upto.

As an anxious Mum I'd want to say no but as someone who was once a teen who used to love camping out (and yes getting pissed too!), I think he should go. God I miss being that age.

@greenlynx

I’ve though all proms were cancelled after Monday’s announcement.

This year's prom for the year 11s at my my daughter's old school went ahead - they had a garden party in a huge marquee though.

OP - I think I'd be inclined to say yes. He's been up front with you about what they're up to. Set some ground rules maybe.

id let him go with strict instructions to not overdo it and that he can call anytime for whatever reason to be collected

Don't embarrass him

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

Talk to him and make him watch some films about alcohol poisoning.

I don't think children realise how dangerous alcohol can be as everyone just laughs about getting drunk.

And everyone has to learn the hard way. Puking your guts up is a surefire way of learning that too much drink is a bad thing. People rarely learn from other people’s mistakes.

I’d let him go to be honest. It’s all part of growing up and he’s been upfront with you about it.

@GoWalkabout

I think you should let him go. And separately, have you talked to him about alcoholism and your reasons for being worried? I know he is young, but understanding that some people (not necessarily him) are more predisposed to alcohol dependence is important information for adult life.

Yes I have

@MWNA

I feel for you so much. My mother was an alcoholic. My father still is. I was in rehab too. (Sober 18 years now.) My eldest daughter smoked weed and drank and it was so difficult. I always said call if you need me, day or night, no questions asked. I educated her. Didn't make much difference in the long run - they'll do what they want anyway. I used to do variations of sitting in the car all night to keep her safe too. Parenting is so hard. My heart goes out to you. She was (and is) worth every second of me tying myself in knots trying to raise her safely. I'd do it all the same. And will no doubt gladly repeat much of it with my second (much younger) daughter. I'd let him go. 16 is on the cusp. But I know if I was you, I'd be nearby. 😕 Not sure that's ideal but my worry and heart wouldn't let me do otherwise.

thank- you 💜

Not read other comments but please let him. I resent my parents for stopping me going out after prom to this day, everyone was there but me😂 he's 16 you need to let go a little

Thanks everyone for your input. It has been really helpful.

He is on his way there now. I took a bag to the hotel with casual clothes and some drinks and snacks and put it in the cloakroom for him when he leaves the prom.

I also spoke to the mum. She works with young people and the field is near their house and she will check on them. She has my number.

I have said he needs to text me to let me know he is ok - and have said all the stuff about being sensible - including phone me if it goes wrong!

And to Have a Nice Time 😀