Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my son go camping on his prom night

271 replies

longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 00:34

Just that really. He is 16 and wants to camp after his prom with friends in a friend's parent's field.

I think the idea stinks and that they will be drinking and totally unsupervised.

He thinks I am too strict and everyone else is allowed to go ..

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 18/06/2021 01:20

Dd moved out at 17 and I'm suprised at just how sensible she is.
I moved out for Uni at 18 and had a riot, and not a sensible one either!

SheepyLamb2 · 18/06/2021 01:24

We did this and that was 10+ years ago. Let him go and have fun . Let him know you would rather he call if anything did happen (I.e. too drunk etc ) so he feels he can reach out in an emergency .

My parents were quite soft but I am glad of it as it ment they knew where I was at all times as I never had to lie and therefore if something happened I wasn't scared to ever call if I needed .

sazza76 · 18/06/2021 01:54

I think it depends on how sensible you think he is, there’s a huge range of maturity across 16 year olds. As others have suggested find out if there are any going to be any parents nearby.

I would let him go if possible though, my parents didnt let me go on a school residential at around the same age. I was the only one who didnt go and over 30 years later the friends I am still in touch with talk about it with fondness which makes me feel sad.

SheilaWilcox · 18/06/2021 01:58

Tell him he can go, but he has to humour you by engaging in a safe sex, consent, sensible alcohol consumption and what to do in emergencies conversation first! (Even if you've already had it multiple times.)
Then tell him, no matter what it is, he can call you if the shit hits the fan.

garlictwist · 18/06/2021 02:00

I'd let him. He's 16 - this is what you're meant to do at this age. Let him let his hair down and be a teenager.

Muchmorethan · 18/06/2021 02:02

My concerns would be vomiting and choking. The campfire. Hypothermia.... although if it's hot that's not an issue!

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/06/2021 02:12

I wouldn't say I'm a soft parent, far from it when needs be, but I am an understanding parent, and I'm also very aware that no matter what she does I can pretty much guarantee I did worse!
I'd also prefer that she'd call me knowing I'd help, rather than her being too scared to call and making it worse.
Just recently I was in that position with her, nothing to do with alcohol or drugs or camping!
She's thanked me so much for being there with lots of love and no judgement.

KangarooSally · 18/06/2021 02:20

Teach him he needs food in his belly before starting to drink and he needs to fall asleep on his side not back.

You could get him to message you at midnight to say he is ok, he can message "not ok" if he is feeling uncomfortable at any time (eg being pressured to try drugs or drink more than he thinks he should) and would rather leave, and you will phone him and pretend to be mad at him and tell him you're coming to pick him up right away as he is in major trouble - then he can leave without worrying about his friends teasing or looking down on him for not wanting to stay.

If he feels like he has your support then he'll be more likely to be honest if he feels uncomfortable with the situation instead of putting on a brave face and continuing because it was such hard work to convince you to let him go and he doesn't want to hear you say "told you so!" or anything like that or be mad at him for being very drunk.

Torvean · 18/06/2021 02:30

No way would I be up for an unknown number of kids likely to drink, to camp out. With no responsible adult close enough.

Just takes one to vomit in their sleep..

DoylyCarte · 18/06/2021 02:43

Yabu...16?! And you want to stop him spending a night camping in a field?!? 😂

1forAll74 · 18/06/2021 02:55

I would let him go and have a fun time with his friends. If they are drinkers, they will have to put up with feeling rough the next day. Be better to have some sort of food available while camping..

PlasticDashboardJesus · 18/06/2021 03:05

He’s 16, let him go. I’m sure he’ll drink but who doesn’t at that age. Let him have some fun. It sounds very tame, were you really not up to much worse at his age? 😬

lightlypoached · 18/06/2021 03:07

Around here kids all used to go off to,the Reading festival after GCSEs finished, so away for 2-3 days. It was a blast, a rite of passage and they all loved it.

As a parent, was it scary? Yes. But they do grow up and will drink and stuff, so it's normal (as is the occasional vomit incident, unfortunately) . I can understand your sensitivity to alcohol give your history, but part of this freedom is teaching him how to experience and control his own drinking.

Let him go.

MangoSeason · 18/06/2021 04:58

Is there going to be a fire? Teenagers drinking near fire is a disaster waiting to happen. This is what has happened to people I know, albeit some only distantly.

Spitting neat spirits on the flames and getting a face burn
Throwing bottles of spirits or petrol on the flames- several teen girls in hospitalised, one for months.
Fighting and falling into the fire pit
Stumbling into the coals after going out for a wee when drunk. Fire was out but still burnt badly
An extremely intoxicated boy fell into a stupor by a fire and the radiant heat gave him full thickness burns on his back.

I’m not a puritan! Just see if you can seek reassurances that there will be no fire.

junebirthdaygirl · 18/06/2021 05:13

I would be more worried about a river than even a fire. Is there a river nearby where they might take a crazy notion to jump in. If that wasn't an issue l would let him go. Especially if these are friends he has had through out school. Do stress he can call you at any time even in the middle of the night as the novelty of camping wears off when tiredness and cold creep in.

arithanaggerton · 18/06/2021 05:21

To be honest, unless you have reason to believe there will be drugs involved or have issues with the friends, I'd allow it. Of course there will be drinking, but it's been an awful year for that age group. A prom and afterparty is very much a once in a lifetime experience. I'd allow it but would probably be listening out for phone calls all night.

a8mint · 18/06/2021 05:28

I wouldn't at 16.

ChocOrange1 · 18/06/2021 06:01

There is such a range of "sensible" at 16. Only you can answer this really, as you know how sensible your son is.

If you do decide to let him go, then make it clear that this is the "test". If he behaves like an idiot on this occasion, it will be the last occasion. If he shows he can be trustworthy, then you will allow him to go to similar events in future.

Ijustreallywantacat · 18/06/2021 06:16

My sister was living on her own at 16! I think you'd be a real fun sponge not to let him

newnortherner111 · 18/06/2021 06:19

Camping with friends as part of a summer weekend, yes. As part of a prom, no.

I thought Jersey was very proud to be British, so why on earth are proms happening? Jersey is not a US colony.

TatianaBis · 18/06/2021 06:23

Sounds like you need to talk to him about responsible drinking rather than banning him from fields.

Billybagpuss · 18/06/2021 06:24

You have two choices, let him go, so you can openly and honestly discuss safety and pick up options with him.

Or not let him go and run the risk that next time he won’t be so honest with you. This is the first of 2 years of this stuff and they’ve already missed some learning opportunities with covid.

What would you say if he just said ‘I’m going to stay with Dave afterwards, his dad will pick us up we might have a couple of pints when we get back’

I was this age about 100 years ago, pre prom culture but we had a big 6th form party in a field. I spent the weekend with a friend, which was quite normal, omitted to mention the party to mum as I knew what she’d say, and I was 18. She found out about it when it was on our local news station the following morning after an incident. I only lied by omission, but I made damn sure my dcs never felt the need to, to me.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 18/06/2021 06:25

I would let him go at that age.

At least he has been honest with you - which I always preferred.

MrsUnderkracker · 18/06/2021 06:26

@spotcheck

Yes, they will drink.

If he went to an after party, chances are, they would drink

How close is the field to the friends house?
In that situation, I would see if a parent would offer to camp near-ish, only to be called upon in an emergency.

When I finished school ( a zillion years ago), we had an after party in a rural location. Adults were ' there' but at a very respectable distance.
They cooked us breakfast in the morning, so it was great.

After the absolute shit year they have had, are you really going to take this away?

This 👆

LightasaBreeze · 18/06/2021 06:27

DS used to go camping in random fields when he was 16, it was what they did most of the summer.