To not let my son go camping on his prom night

[longcoffeebreak]

Just that really. He is 16 and wants to camp after his prom with friends in a friend's parent's field.

I think the idea stinks and that they will be drinking and totally unsupervised.

He thinks I am too strict and everyone else is allowed to go ..

@SheilaWilcox

Tell him he can go, but he has to humour you by engaging in a safe sex, consent, sensible alcohol consumption and what to do in emergencies conversation first! (Even if you've already had it multiple times.) Then tell him, no matter what it is, he can call you if the shit hits the fan.

This!

Top tip op. From about age 16, keep a bucket in the car - it's much easier for them to aim into than a plastic bag when collecting from parties: either on the night or morning after.

God this is tough! I would probably let him go but with the agreement he charges his phone, takes a back up phone and if he doesn't call me at 1am I would go and pick him up!!!

How many are going? I'd be more worried about 4 kids camping at age 16 than I would be 20.

Are his friends idiots?

@SpinachAndMushroom

I’d let him go. At 16 you still have the opportunity to discuss “expectations”. Otherwise he’ll be 18 before long, then magically allowed to get as drunk as he wants all the time, and you’ve missed the opportunity to be a mitigating influence and teach him that being in these situations doesn’t mean getting drunk, even if some friends get pissed. By 18 he’s an adult you have no real say, how can you expect him to instantly decide at 18 that he won’t?

Absolutely this! My friend’s DD ended up in hospital on her 18th birthday. Alcohol had been built into such a forbidden, mystical, grownup thing that the first night she could drink legally, she nearly killed herself.

Maybe he won't get drunk. I got stoned AF at my post-prom party and had sex.

Have you spoken to the parents? Are they allowing alcohol?

I see you are in Jersey, just as well you aren't in Scotland....16 year old can get married here without their parents permission never mind camping!

That's what we did after my prom, about 100 of us half the year group. But I wouldn't this year, proms are being cancelled across the country no rebook times are available and camping in large groups especially unsupervised outdoor drinking would need to be checked and could be construed as large gatherings or even noise complaints made if in larger community. My after prom event happened on a farm so no other neighbors lived nearby.

Yeah your too strict, hes 16 not 6

I think YABU. It’s what normally happens after prom and is the thing most of them look forward to once the formal part of the evening is over. My DD is doing the same - I can’t say I like it but I feel I have to let her go.

I just let my son (16) go camping for a whole week with friends. We read him the riot act beforehand and said no drinking and I am pretty sure they stuck to it as he had a pretty awful time the last time he drank. Also most of the people he went with were very sensible. What are his friends like? Would they look out for each other?

Have you spoken to the parents? Are they allowing alcohol? 🤣🤣🤣
Really?
For the parents with very young and silly kids, maybe it’s time it’s start treating them as young adults and preparing them for going out into the world, it’s a very short time from 15/16 until they’re off to uni/work.
OP you can’t expect your DS to be controlled by your relationship with alcohol, that’s not his responsibility. He will drink regardless, don’t be that parent who has a teen who resents them and their rules.

@Standrewsschool

Have you spoken to the parents? Are they allowing alcohol?

Aaah, the naivety!

In England a huge number of 16 year olds go to Reading and Leeds music festival for a few days after their GCSEs which includes unsupervised camping.

My ds went to Leeds festival with his mates at 16. It’s a ‘thing’ they all do.

I think you should let him go. And separately, have you talked to him about alcoholism and your reasons for being worried? I know he is young, but understanding that some people (not necessarily him) are more predisposed to alcohol dependence is important information for adult life.

I'd let him go. Teens have to be allowed to make mistakes, to have some risks.

Let him go. Life is for living don't ruin his fun he will never forget it. All his friends are going and he will have the best time. You have to trust your children at some point

I think you need to let him go. If anything happens to him there will be parents near by. Someone will call for help

Although a year older I hosted my daughters after prom and the kids camped in the garden, it was fine. In reality most of them pulled an all nighter and were still up when I got up the next morning.

I feel for you so much. My mother was an alcoholic. My father still is. I was in rehab too. (Sober 18 years now.)
My eldest daughter smoked weed and drank and it was so difficult. I always said call if you need me, day or night, no questions asked. I educated her.
Didn't make much difference in the long run - they'll do what they want anyway. I used to do variations of sitting in the car all night to keep her safe too.
Parenting is so hard. My heart goes out to you.
She was (and is) worth every second of me tying myself in knots trying to raise her safely. I'd do it all the same. And will no doubt gladly repeat much of it with my second (much younger) daughter.
I'd let him go. 16 is on the cusp. But I know if I was you, I'd be nearby. 😕 Not sure that's ideal but my worry and heart wouldn't let me do otherwise.

I think I would. He’s been honest. You can have the alcohol / drug / sex talks and send him with a big box of condoms “ keep your friends safe “😂

BUT. Also ask frankly “ do you want me to say no ?” Sometimes they ask you cos actually they want a fall guy for not doing it.

I’d hate it , worry myself sick etc but if you’ve had the chats and they are sensible ish it’ll be ok. Soon he’ll have flaw off to uni etc and you won’t even be able to have thr chars.

I would, but alcohol and camp fires do not mix.
I would be more worried about the danger of serious burns than someone getting very drunk.
Are they sensible noun tho agree to not lighting fires?

I thought Jersey was very proud to be British, so why on earth are proms happening? Jersey is not a US colony.

I'm not sure whether this is a "no proms should be happening because Covid" comment or a "no proms should be happening because they are American" comment. But for the record, many UK schools have been holding proms for many, many years now. It's a thing. And many schools are still very much hoping to hold them, although ours has just been postponed till July 19 and everyone is keeping fingers crossed it can go ahead.

Aaah, the naivety!
Yes, because all parents behave exactly the same as others. I know some parents who would see themselves as being responsible for them and would make sure no alcohol was consumed and others who would turn a blind eye. Doesn't make me naive.

’stinks’ complete overreaction OP give your head a wobble