Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my son go camping on his prom night

271 replies

longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 00:34

Just that really. He is 16 and wants to camp after his prom with friends in a friend's parent's field.

I think the idea stinks and that they will be drinking and totally unsupervised.

He thinks I am too strict and everyone else is allowed to go ..

OP posts:
drumandthebass · 18/06/2021 07:53

You have to let him go. Can you imagine he would feel being left out?

Stickytreacle · 18/06/2021 07:53

In a friends parents field I'd let him go. Where I live It is a prow beside a river. We get teenagers dropped off by parents and the aftermath is awful, litter, vomit and faeces left behind, trees damaged and drunk teens wandering through the village Wildlife and pets have been injured by the broken glass left behind, it is only a matter of time before somebody drowns. So providing they are responsible I'd allow it.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 18/06/2021 07:56

@a8mint

I wouldn't at 16.
When would you? 17? 17 and a half? Or do you expect him to wait until he is 18, because obviously nobody ever has alcohol before they turn 18.
actiongirl1978 · 18/06/2021 07:58

He won't ever forgive you if you say no. That's a kind of lifetime memory which he can't substitute.

I was v swotty at school, headgirl and my mum was really strict. But she let me do things once I hit sixteen, get drunk, make my own mistakes and learn from them.

KaptainKaveman · 18/06/2021 07:59

I think if you don't let him go he will really resent it. They have had a crap year (I have a 16 year old too) and surely it's better to allow him to go? what if he sneaked out to go having been banned, what would you do then? turn up and cart him off in front of his classmates? yes you will be worrying all night but that's parenting, unfortunately !

bonbonours · 18/06/2021 07:59

So many people here think 16 is almost an adult. My daughter is almost 15 (so will be just turned 16 at the end of GCSEs) and the idea of her doing this next year fills me with dread. She and her friends are still extremely young and foolish and I would not trust any of them to make sensible decisions especially under the influence of alcohol. abou

lljkk · 18/06/2021 08:01

DS camped after prom night. He had a row with other kids (one messaged me on Facebook to complain).

But most the kids had a good night. It was in someone's extended huge garden so adults in shouting distance. I'm willing to let DC make mistakes and the events weren't huge problem, part of growing up.

WouldBeGood · 18/06/2021 08:07

Oh, god, bring a parent is a bloody nightmare sometimes!

I’d let him go though. He’s old enough and it would be a shame to miss out on these things.

Interestingly, I’m in Scotland where one is legally an adult at sixteen.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 18/06/2021 08:08

I think you should let him go.

Mine all went to Reading Festival after GCSE's-some of these things are rites of passage.

I think it's great that he came to you with the truth and if you stopped him it might start him thinking he'd be better off lying to go where he wants. Reward the trust.

Crappyfridays7 · 18/06/2021 08:09

Prom here (Scotland) isn’t until they leave 6th year so they are 17/18 my son went was absolutely fine, current 16 year old I would let go to this if he was mine. You can’t stop them forever and have to trust you’ve brought them up to be sensible and phone you if something goes wrong.
There were rules involved like checking in on phone and text in morning. It’s not a free pass to do whatever you like

StuffinThePuffin · 18/06/2021 08:09

I think it depends on the kid. But assuming they had put the hard work in for their exams and there weren't any recent serious offences w/regards to alcohol, drugs, lying about where they are going etc, I'd say yes to this.

pastelpinkpeony · 18/06/2021 08:10

YABU.
It's a rite of passage and the Prom is all about the after party.

Original poster
longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 08:12

@MangoSeason

Is there going to be a fire? Teenagers drinking near fire is a disaster waiting to happen. This is what has happened to people I know, albeit some only distantly.

Spitting neat spirits on the flames and getting a face burn
Throwing bottles of spirits or petrol on the flames- several teen girls in hospitalised, one for months.
Fighting and falling into the fire pit
Stumbling into the coals after going out for a wee when drunk. Fire was out but still burnt badly
An extremely intoxicated boy fell into a stupor by a fire and the radiant heat gave him full thickness burns on his back.

I’m not a puritan! Just see if you can seek reassurances that there will be no fire.

No fire happening thankfully
OP posts:
Original poster
longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 08:12

@junebirthdaygirl

I would be more worried about a river than even a fire. Is there a river nearby where they might take a crazy notion to jump in. If that wasn't an issue l would let him go. Especially if these are friends he has had through out school. Do stress he can call you at any time even in the middle of the night as the novelty of camping wears off when tiredness and cold creep in.
No river either
OP posts:
PurBal · 18/06/2021 08:12

Yes they will drink. But I think he should go. Sounds fun.

SpinachAndMushroom · 18/06/2021 08:12

I’d let him go. At 16 you still have the opportunity to discuss “expectations”. Otherwise he’ll be 18 before long, then magically allowed to get as drunk as he wants all the time, and you’ve missed the opportunity to be a mitigating influence and teach him that being in these situations doesn’t mean getting drunk, even if some friends get pissed. By 18 he’s an adult you have no real say, how can you expect him to instantly decide at 18 that he won’t?

RedHelenB · 18/06/2021 08:12

Last day of school all the y11s at my kids school meet in the woods to get drunk. Nothing untoward happened to any of them, they look out for each other and they have mobile phones.

Original poster
longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 08:13

@newnortherner111

Camping with friends as part of a summer weekend, yes. As part of a prom, no.

I thought Jersey was very proud to be British, so why on earth are proms happening? Jersey is not a US colony.

Yes but we have had a different response to COVID and we have our own Government and laws. A lot of our population is vaccinated already.
OP posts:
Angelou79 · 18/06/2021 08:14

It seems you posted to get people to agree with you & now don’t like when they haven’t. You have said you did things like this when younger, did it have an adverse affect on your life? At 16 he can move out. Let him enjoy himself & if he gets drunk let him suffer the hangover.

Iamblossom · 18/06/2021 08:14

Of course you should let him go. Don't be that helicopter parent.

How is ever going to learn safe limits if you never let him make his own decisions?

Original poster
longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 08:14

@littlebillie

My friends DD did this a few years ago. Her Dad sat in the car in the field all night to make sure she was okay
😀
OP posts:
Temp023 · 18/06/2021 08:17

Let him go, if he’s not the sensible one then one of the others will be anc they do look out for eachother.

Original poster
longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 08:18

Ok I am clearly being U.
As I said my mum was alcoholic and I went to rehab in my twenties after the emotional car crash that was my teenage years so I am scared of letting him go particularly after he has come back so drunk a couple of times.

But I do get that I might ruin my relationship with him if I am too restrictive.

OP posts:
fairynick · 18/06/2021 08:18

When I was aged 16 (only a few years ago) it was the norm for everyone to go to a festival in the summer holidays. In 2019, the last time it was allowed, I saw it happen again.
I see this as a watered down version. YABU.

romdowa · 18/06/2021 08:18

Let him go but set some ground rules about his drink consumption for sure. Making it clear that you will not be happy if he comes home absolutely out of it from drink. This is the time to instill sensible drinking habits. Teach about moderation , personal safety while drunk and the risks of drinking too much. Other wise when be hits 18 he will just cut loose totally and go mad.