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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my son go camping on his prom night

271 replies

longcoffeebreak · 18/06/2021 00:34

Just that really. He is 16 and wants to camp after his prom with friends in a friend's parent's field.

I think the idea stinks and that they will be drinking and totally unsupervised.

He thinks I am too strict and everyone else is allowed to go ..

OP posts:
Cinni23 · 18/06/2021 06:29

YABU, I would let him go x

AlohaMolly · 18/06/2021 06:33

Oh this brings back memories! I’m 33 and we did this after prom. My dad even stopped to buy my alcohol on the way!

There was no fire, it was on a legit campsite and It was fine. We’d all been drinking for about a year anyway and we were sensible
Enough.

Let him go, OP!

supersonicginandtonic · 18/06/2021 06:41

He's 16, he can move out if he wanted too. Give the poor kid a break and stop being so boring. At least he is telling you where he will be. I never used to with my parents. Kids have had such a crap year, let him live a little.

Rhubarbfizzles · 18/06/2021 06:46

Honestly just let him go. It’s a right of passage at 16, especially on prom night. It’s something his friends will talk about for years. Don’t make him miss out because of your own fears, make sure he’s full of food and give him food and water to take. Make sure his phones fully charged too.

Also at that age my parents refused to let me go to something similar. I then never told them the truth about anything similar after that and there was a few occasions where it would have been much better for me to be able to call for help but I never felt I could.

Thatswatshesaid · 18/06/2021 06:51

There is a ton of stuff that could go wrong but you have to accept some level of risk with teenagers. Have a proper chat with him say he can only go if he communicates with you if anything goes wrong. Let him know he won’t be in trouble as long as he contacts you. He’s 16 now, he has to start having some independence.

waterrat · 18/06/2021 06:55

I am genuinely baffled that people would say no to this. When I was 16 as others have said I went to festivals including Glastonbury and this was the 90s there were no phones ! He is 16 this is exactly the sort if thing he should be doing. If you don't let him take some risks now he will take them unprepared when older.

The alcohol thing is just unfortunate and something he needs to be prepared to listen to you re. Your sensitivity. But at 16 he is going to drink

Cattitudes · 18/06/2021 06:55

Could you order some pizzas to be delivered to them, or offer to ferry them between prom and field and get pizzas then and he texts you at midnight to say he is OK. If he doesn't text then you turn up. That should focus his mind! I would let him go though.

Twoforthree · 18/06/2021 06:55

If you don’t let him do this, then when will you start letting go?

It’s scary but better that you let him go with words of advice, than him hiding it and being scared to ask you to pick him up if he needs you to.

TheoMeo · 18/06/2021 06:56

Will he be with good long term friends - then they are likely to look out for each other - drunk or no.
If it's a free for all with strangers turning up not so good.

Morgan12 · 18/06/2021 06:58

Come on now you know you are being unreasonable.

Kapalika · 18/06/2021 06:58

Let him go. It’s part and parcel of growing up. Get the number from the parents field. Give him the usual chat about drinking, calling you if he’s had too much or feels uncomfortable. You can have a safe word?
Get a couple of his mates numbers if he loses his phone.

I’m more concerned that PROMS are a thing now!

TaylorStan · 18/06/2021 06:58

Definitely let him go YABVU

CoalCraft · 18/06/2021 06:59

Uh yes, YABU, do you bit remember being a teenager? He will be living independently in two years!

cupsofcoffee · 18/06/2021 06:59

Sounds fine to me - I'd let him go tbh.

DinosaurDiana · 18/06/2021 07:00

Yes I’d allow it, but he’d have to listen to a reminder about alcohol, drugs and being respectful to females.

Treacletoots · 18/06/2021 07:00

I don't envy you OP. I've got this all to come one day but... My mother also had a very strict attitude towards alcohol which led to me hiding it and having a very poor relationship with alcohol for many years.

I'm hoping to take a different approach with DD introducing her to alcohol in a supervised manner so she understands it effects whilst being in a safe environment and hopefully learns not to go mental as soon as she's given a bit of freedom. (In theory, I can hear everyone laughing now) Grin

Kapalika · 18/06/2021 07:00

@Cattitudes

Could you order some pizzas to be delivered to them, or offer to ferry them between prom and field and get pizzas then and he texts you at midnight to say he is OK. If he doesn't text then you turn up. That should focus his mind! I would let him go though.
Great idea, he may poo poo this until the pizzas turn up! Happy days.
Briarshollow · 18/06/2021 07:01

He’s 16, poor kid. Cut the apron strings a little, do.

At this age I was studying, working, had been to a festival and been on a camping holiday with friends.

No one fell in a campfire (😂) or choked on their own vomit because they slept on their back... I know both of these things can happen but they’re not very likely.

Have a chat with him, tell him he can contact you about anything, and let the poor guy go drink some beers with his friends.

Treacletoots · 18/06/2021 07:03

What @DinosaurDiana said. Being respectful to his female friends 100%. DH's parents brought him up well, with plenty of freedom but with one line whenever he went out to a party etc 'respect'. It clearly worked.

Willwebebuyingnumber11 · 18/06/2021 07:06

YABVU
Let him go

BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/06/2021 07:06

He’s 16, not 12!! Let the poor lad go!

Like others have said, pre-Covid year 11s we’re heading off to festivals with mates for a few days after picking up exam results.

Melitza · 18/06/2021 07:10

YABU. I would worry too but i wouldn't stop my dc.

extravirginoliveoil · 18/06/2021 07:11

@Billybagpuss

You have two choices, let him go, so you can openly and honestly discuss safety and pick up options with him.

Or not let him go and run the risk that next time he won’t be so honest with you. This is the first of 2 years of this stuff and they’ve already missed some learning opportunities with covid.

What would you say if he just said ‘I’m going to stay with Dave afterwards, his dad will pick us up we might have a couple of pints when we get back’

I was this age about 100 years ago, pre prom culture but we had a big 6th form party in a field. I spent the weekend with a friend, which was quite normal, omitted to mention the party to mum as I knew what she’d say, and I was 18. She found out about it when it was on our local news station the following morning after an incident. I only lied by omission, but I made damn sure my dcs never felt the need to, to me.

This let him go but a firm conversation about it first.
littlebillie · 18/06/2021 07:12

My friends DD did this a few years ago. Her Dad sat in the car in the field all night to make sure she was okay

Constellationstation · 18/06/2021 07:13

I really think you should let him go! As someone else said it’s a once in a lifetime sort of event for a 16 year old and something they’ll probably talk about for a long time afterwards, he’ll feel left out for a long time if he’s not allowed to go.