To not let my son go camping on his prom night

[longcoffeebreak]

Just that really. He is 16 and wants to camp after his prom with friends in a friend's parent's field.

I think the idea stinks and that they will be drinking and totally unsupervised.

He thinks I am too strict and everyone else is allowed to go ..

YABU. I was going out drinking to a local club at his age. As long as I was sensible my parents were fine with it.

He's 16. You'll never hear the end of it if you don't let him go. Let the lad go camping!

The thing to remember is that all the dangers you are worrying about will still be there at 17/18/19 ... so when do you plan to back off and let him do things?

My DD is this age, no prom but I am letting her go camping for couple of nights with her friends next week. It is a mixed group too, I was unsure but as my DH said, she could have not told us and said it was just girls. I will worry about her (as I know what I was like at 16!) but she is more sensible than me and they really need to learn these things and have these independent times. I've let her know she can call day or night and we will come get her or help in any way.

Let him go...

Tell him to call you if he needs you - let him make some safe mistakes before University etc...

I’d let him go and I’d buy him a couple of beers or ciders to try and steer him away from the stronger stuff.

Oh for goodness' sake. He is almost an adult.

This is obviously fine. YABVU.

Of course he goes at 16. YABU.

I’d let him go.
It’s been a rubbish few years for teenagers, they need to let their hair down and have fun.
My son went to Reading festival with friends at that age and survived

Do you know who he’s going with and where? If you do, then YABU to not let him go. Just do the whole drugs and spiking drinks talk. Tell him never to leave an opened drink around because someone could slip drugs in.

He will probably have a few drinks with friends and make great memories.

I would let him go.

I'd let him go. I had a blast at the after party for my prom. But yes there was alcohol.

No prom for our Y11s this year so my DS did the camping in a field behind a mate's house instead last weekend on their last day of school. He's had such a shit year with so many things cancelled I couldn't say no. I was worried about the drinking too but just made sure he knew that he could phone me at any time if he or his mates got into any bother and I'd go and pick him up. Came home the next morning and went straight to bed for 4 hours. All good.

MyDs both camped overnight after prom - DS1 in a garden and DS2 in a field. It's a bit of a rite of passage. Let him go! Teenagers have had a rubbish time recently, it's about time they had a bit of fun.

As a parent of a 19 and 20 y/o DD.

both ours went to similar events.

But we trusted them they knew where we wear and contact, the parents at both events where “nearby”

They had cracking nights and the after party was much better than the actual proms.

We've always trusted our daughters and knew roughly where they were, and more importantly they knew of there was a problem wed come and get them regardless of the time.

So in my eyes YABVU

Loads of kids usually go to festivals after GCSEs. These experiences. are a right of passage ; I would let him go.

Have Had 3 children go through proms. All of them went to after party/stay over. As did nearly all of the other kids at the prom. It’s part of growing up. A night they will always remember. Be glad he has told you. Be even more glad that it’s not your garden they are all staying in. 😂

I'm traumatised by living with an alcoholic and men getting drunk makes me feel totally triggered. I dread the day that my DS comes home stumbling and slurring and throwing up - I will find it utterly horrifying. BUT he's his own person and I can't expect him not to engage in normal teenage behaviour because it will upset me.
So I understand why you feel that way but YABU.

@Maharajah20

Have Had 3 children go through proms. All of them went to after party/stay over. As did nearly all of the other kids at the prom. It’s part of growing up. A night they will always remember. Be glad he has told you. Be even more glad that it’s not your garden they are all staying in. 😂

😂😂😂😂

Oh just pack him off with four cans of whatever he would drink, a couple of bottles if water and a condom.

Keep your phone on and tell him if he needs any help or to come home, just call

In England (in normal times) many 16 year olds head to Reading Festival for 3 or 4 nights after GCSE results.

I can’t pretend I wasn’t worried when mine did it but our worry can’t always be allowed to stop them growing up.

The Prom itself won’t be a drunken affair will it, as alcohol will not be allowed.

I would tell him that the reason you are concerned is that he has previously misused alcohol and that this could be very dangerous with no sober people around.

Get him to do his own risk assessment, remind him that alcohol takes a while to build up so if he drinks it needs to be very slowly so that a whole lot doesn’t take effect all at once.

Tell him ways to avoid peer pressure to drink. Keep an empty can in his hand and say ‘I’m good, thanks’.

Tell him that they must look out for each other and get help immediately if anyone is ill.

I would let him go… but I would worry, it’s what we do as parents, but it is our role to worry while they spread their wings.

I'm pretty strict, but I'd let my ds do this.

As it turned out, my ds was last year's gvse cohort, so no exams, no prom, no parties and spent months stuck at home which was utterly depressing for him.

Absolutely let him go.

Worra he could legally leave home at 16 🤷‍♀️

OP, they’re in a friend’s field, not in the middle of nowhere. It really is OTT not to let him go at his age. In a couple of years he will be out getting drunk and you won’t even know. He will be more vulnerable if he hasn’t had these experiences

I can't really see the problem. It's after a prom, presumably with a group of friends he's had since he was 11 or earlier. Presumably you know or at least know of the family with the field who I imagine will keep a gentle eye on proceedings.

FWIW OP the following was pretty normal for DS/DD

15: trip to a friend's seaside property with light supervision and parties on the beach involving sheesha pipes.

16: Reading

17: Malia (will never forget the airport drop off and queue of teenagers). Happily both in have said it was a blast but in hindsight ghastly and they would never want to do anything like that again. DS now has a penchant for exploring Greece but is a classicist.

18: Mine had gap years: one went to NZ, one had a tamer time post an illness.

They are rites of passage and character building op.

Like you OP, I worry. I was always tempted to say no.

But I realised that overprotective parents end up with teens who do things secretly, or who go to uni unprepared and maybe end up a bit off the rails because they don’t know how to handle their independence.

I went camping in a field after my prom- it was ace! No one slept and we all stumbled around with torches drunk and having teenage high emotions and drama. Packed up in the morning and got the bus home. Brilliant night! Let him go.