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Original poster

Bringing wine to a dinner party etiquette

257 replies

WellLarDeDar · 17/06/2021 14:37

I was brought up being told that if you go to someone's house for dinner you take something nice like wine or flowers etc because it's good manners. If I took wine to someone else's house I would expect them to either store it and have it when they felt like it, or pop it open and we drink it together.

DH and I were trying to make friends in a new area and invited a couple over for dinner - I met the husband through work, we got along really well so I invited them both over. The wife came in and handed me a bottle of wine and I was like oh thank you would you like a glass (yes obviously), went to the kitchen and poured four glasses of it and handed them out and great. Throughout dinner we were opening more bottles (provided by us) and then afterwards we settled in the lounge and the wife went 'oh I'd like some of our wine now.' and made a comment about our wine being sweet. Admittedly I do love Riesling and it is sweet but I had this sinking feeling... because we'd already drunk it together and she obviously didnt realize and I suddenly felt like a naughty child that had eaten all of someone else's Halloween candy and had that dreaded stomach pit feeling when you've just been caught out and have to own up. It was super awkward and I said 'i think that's all gone, we drank it all' and she went '...oh' and the look on her face...I could be wrong but we got the impression that she brought the wine for her and my colleague to drink...but not for me and DH and we shouldn't have drunk it :S she spent the rest of the evening furiously texting and not talking and I felt so embarrassed

Was I really rude to have poured DH and I a glass? I get at a big group bbq or house party people sometimes bring their own stuff but I didnt think that would be the case for a small four person dinner party. If you're over for dinner and hand me some wine I'm gona say let's all have a glass :S Crap. I'm 30 and feel like I have no idea how to adult!

OP posts:
crosstalk · 17/06/2021 19:59

Very very rude guest.

Like others I am very happy with a dry white but if nothing available will switch to water. If I'm not drinking I'll take my own drink of choice since most non alcoholic drinks are too sweet.

If your Rude Guest wanted the wine saved (who does this unless it's extra special and meant for the hosts only later?) she should have said. But you don't complain about what's on offer and certainly don't stay using your phone at any point in the evening. I would have asked her if she wanted to leave at that stage since she clearly wasnt contributing to the party - indeed, embarassing her hosts and the other guests.

namcybotwinbloom · 17/06/2021 20:12

Very rude - her.

I'm not very well up on my wines but I know what I like and I always take something nicer than I would tend to buy myself for a gift.

I'd expect it to be drunk as and when the hosts felt like opening it to be honest.

With us, not with us it's a gift!

I certainly wouldn't ask for it!

If I wanted to drink a specific wine I would take it with me and say, just pour me this and obv share if you like it.

I mean, doing a dinner party isn't cheap is it.

Cheeky bitch.

hellogem · 17/06/2021 20:16

Wow it's her that needs to be embarrassed!! Can't believe she behaved like a spoilt brat when she realised there's none of her wine left. If that was just for her to drink, she should have not handed it to you or should've told when she came. Even then seems super rude to get your own wine that your not willing to share with your hosts.

Adifferentstory2 · 17/06/2021 20:16

cringe horribly rude of her. The etiquette is always to take a gift and to expect the host to do whatever they want with that gift. You were not in the wrong in any way and she sounds awful.

DroopyClematis · 17/06/2021 20:17

Your friend was rude.
I like a particular grape variety and I fully appreciate that it's not a well liked one.
If we go to someone's house for dinner we will take a couple of bottles of what we think the hosts may like and we just ( literally, haha!) suck it up.
We go to friends/family to spend time with them end enjoy their company and food. We don't go expecting to be given our only favourite flavour of grape juice.
If you don't like their wine, don't drink it.
There's always a tap!

JudgeJ · 17/06/2021 20:28

@eurochick

She was rude. You bring the wine for the hosts to do with as they wish.
I was always told not to take wine for precisely this reason, the host has decided on the wine to suit the food, your gift just creates problems.
JudgeJ · 17/06/2021 20:31

This thread reminds me of many years ago, a couple brought a bottle of Yugoslav Riesling to ours which didn't get opened, so the following fixture we took it back, when it wasn't opended! It became a joke that this bottle was passed backwards and forwards for a few years, eventually when we were all being posted elsewhere we had a special meal to open it. It was vile!

Constantcrayfish · 17/06/2021 20:37

I just want to recommend to other lovers of dry riesling this one, while we're on the subject:

www.davywine.co.uk/product/little-beauty-riesling/

Lovely and fresh. I've eaten it happily with sushi and drunk it by itself too.

The OP did herself describe her riesling as sweet which is why it's being described like that on this thread, and as she served it with pudding rather than the main course, sounds OK to me.

I do rather like the world being painted by some posters of hosts spending hours choosing their perfect wine matches! We like food and drink but the furthest I've ever gone in that direction is veer aware from the grassiest sauvignon blanc when having seafood. And frankly if someone wanted to drink it then, I'd uncork it and away we go.

thecatsmum12346 · 17/06/2021 20:41

I think you were very kind to provide dinner and host. It’s not easy. Don’t have anymore to do with them.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/06/2021 21:06

Not to be rude, but given how much you all drank I wouldn't have thought that the grape variety wound have a big problem!

You sound like a generous and polite host though.....the guest sounds like she lacks class, manners and probably friends!!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/06/2021 21:06

*would have been a big problem

AlwaysLatte · 17/06/2021 21:12

How rude. In any case if it was white wine it wouldn't be properly chilled by the time they arrived anyway so I'd put it in the fridge to enjoy all together later. I did have someone pop over with their own bottle AND glass, both of which they guarded like a hawk. Very odd!

TattyDevine · 17/06/2021 21:12

Judge J if it was Yugoslavian then it must have been a fair few years back... or being passed about for way too long 😆

Dizzybet74 · 18/06/2021 17:27

Other guests might have found it rude if you hadn't wanted to drink 'their' wine! She's an idiot, don't invite them again!!!

Bluntness100 · 18/06/2021 17:41

I was always told not to take wine for precisely this reason, the host has decided on the wine to suit the food, your gift just creates problems

It really doesn’t 😂.

Schooldilemma2345 · 18/06/2021 17:57

Gosh, she’s incredibly rude!
There’s nothing wrong with your hosting skills so please don’t worry about that.
Etiquette- wise, I would say that you always take a gift if you attend a dinner party- wine, and/or flowers and/or chocolates, etc. The host might squirrel it away for later- it might not be appropriate for food that’s being served, there might not be enough chocolates to go round, or whatever but it’s completely up to the host if they choose to serve it then and there. If it’s more informal and you’re bringing wine to add to the bar then expect it to get lost in the general booze consumption and as a guest you definitely don’t ask for ‘your wine’- it’s not yours once you hand it over to the host. Unless you hand it over to your host and explicitly say, something along the lines of ‘this is a treat for us to share later’- think special bottle of whiskey for two old friends to share once the others have left scenario, then don’t expect to see the offering you bring again.

twilightermummy · 18/06/2021 17:59

She should be the one on here asking if she’s being unreasonable! What an absolute cow.

Faevern · 18/06/2021 18:06

I always ask when someone brings alcohol is it for sharing or is it your preferred tipple? I do this ever since I went to a dinner where the guests wine was drank first and the hosts wine was rank. If it’s friends I ask what wine they like beforehand.

It’s tricky but I hate Riesling and I don’t drink beer but I think it would be rude if I came in and said this wine is just for me Grin

Lalliella · 18/06/2021 18:08

She’s really rude. It’s definitely best etiquette to either open and share it or keep it if they tell you to. One of our friends had a reputation for always stashing wine that people took round his house, so I think generally it’s better to share it. You definitely wouldn’t just give it to the people who brought it, that would just be weird.

macshoto · 18/06/2021 18:11

YANBU.

Others on here ABVU in their opinions about Riesling! Anyone who thinks Riesling is sweet should try a German Grosses Gewachs or a dry Australian Riesling - say Grosset Springvale or Polish Hill.

That said, it sounds like you served perfectly reasonable wines. If someone has such strong preferences about what they drink I think they should be advising the hosts in advance and offering to cater for themselves, not turning up with wine and expecting to drink it themselves without advising the hosts beforehand.

Mamanyt · 18/06/2021 18:14

IF I were so lost to comon courtesy as to bring a bottle of wine for myself to a small dinner party, I would certainly say, "Forgive me for bringing my own wine, but there are so few that I really enjoy." AND would follow that up with, "Would you like a glass of it?"

Mamanyt · 18/06/2021 18:14

"common," dammit.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 18/06/2021 18:34

@macshoto - Others on here ABVU in their opinions about Riesling! Anyone who thinks Riesling is sweet should try a German Grosses Gewachs or a dry Australian Riesling - say Grosset Springvale or Polish Hill.

The op said it was a sweet Riesling

Silverflute · 18/06/2021 18:46

Oh dear, oh dear. What dreadful guests my dear. To spend her time texting at a social evening is just not on. She needs to learn some manners and you do not, you did absolutely what any good hostess would do, which is to share the wine.

Symposium123 · 18/06/2021 18:49

YANBU. The wine was for you. As a guest, she shouldn’t have mentioned the wine again as it’s up to you whether you share what’s now your wine. (Although I’m always disappointed when the host doesn’t open the wine I’ve brought! 😂)

So she was BVVU to have mentioned it… especially because she’d already drunk it!