Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can someone help me sort my life out

148 replies

stuckinrutt · 16/06/2021 19:36

Frequent poster just name changed as I need some advice on what to do with myself.

I'm stuck in a rut and miserable as hell, I'm 25 with two DC's 4&2 I work part time 30hours at the hospital in a admin role.

OH is early thirties he is a stay at home dad but also runs a small online reselling business on eBay, some months he can bring in a good large amount some months it could be low.

Our bills are fairly low however we have debt so all our money goes on paying debt off. I'm absolutely sick of being poor all the time everything I buy is always on clearpay/Klarna. We have about 3k in savings.

I want a better life for me and my family but I don't know what to do. How do I get out of this trap, it's either I work my arse of and take as much over time as possible and not see my family, but I also need to think about starting college this year I can't deal with being stuck in a dead end job with a low wage forever.

Sorry for rambling on I just don't know what to do I need some guidance.

OP posts:
GreenBiro · 16/06/2021 19:39

Team effort required…

Keep an emergency fund but pay off debts with savings

BOTH of you figure out how in 5 years you’re going to have a choice in how to spend your time and money and what you’re BOTH going to do about it.

HINT: your DP needs to get a job and demote the reselling to a side gig

SummerHouse · 16/06/2021 19:41

Jesus lady look what you have achieved!! You have two young children and 3k savings. You are a working mum. You have aspirations. What you want to do, you will do it. I would be proud to know you. Flowers

Lagomtransplant · 16/06/2021 19:41

Well, would those 3K go some way towards paying off the debt for starters?

Second, it should be easier to get things going once both of your DC are in school.

Third, if going to college would mean quitting your job with your husband only bringing in the ebay income, don't do it. Even with the extra money going back to education brings, you'll still be making a stick for your own back.

Finally, and most importantly, you need to get your DH into work, or claiming benefits if disabled.

HTH

felulageller · 16/06/2021 19:52

Go on money saving expert

You are best to use the savings to pay the debts.

Why is do not working? Of course you will be broke if you are only working 30 hours between both of you! Most families need 2 parents doing a 35 hour week to stay afloat.

Once the kids are both in school maybe look at doing an open uni course? They are great

Taliskerskye · 16/06/2021 20:01

30 hours between 2 people. Is this a joke.
You’re in your twenties! This is when you can work hard (play) family hard.

Original poster
stuckinrutt · 16/06/2021 20:02

The thing is OH earns as much as he would if he was working full time. It doesn't make sense for him to get a full time job.

OP posts:
CoRhona · 16/06/2021 20:02

How much debt? Personally I would use the 3k towards paying it off and then start saving.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 20:06

@stuckinrutt

The thing is OH earns as much as he would if he was working full time. It doesn't make sense for him to get a full time job.
Wow ok it wasn’t clear he is so successful. Why have you debt then?
Taliskerskye · 16/06/2021 20:07

Well if he earns a full time salary then that’s great.
What’s your take home pay between you.

khakiandcoral · 16/06/2021 20:08

@stuckinrutt

The thing is OH earns as much as he would if he was working full time. It doesn't make sense for him to get a full time job.
but it would make sense to get a second source of income.

You can wait until both children are at school to increase both your working hours, but you also need to take into account the wraparound care, the holiday clubs etc..

I find that it ended up being more expensive and a lot harder when my kids started school than when they were at nursery. Try finding a holiday club for the Christmas break!

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 20:11

So the issue is the debt you both have? As you say all your money is going on this, but you’re bringing in two salaries? Can you try to consolidate and reduce your payments?

socalledfriend · 16/06/2021 20:11

@stuckinrutt

The thing is OH earns as much as he would if he was working full time. It doesn't make sense for him to get a full time job.
Yes it does - he could earn most of that AND bring in a wage.
Taliskerskye · 16/06/2021 20:13

Well I don’t know about people saying he could do a full time job and eBay. I tried to do it. eBay was a full time job in reality, only on my own time. Not on the clock. So I could do things as an when I wanted.

titchy · 16/06/2021 20:13

Your dp needs to get a job. If you want to get out of debt he can carry on the eBay selling as a side hustle. And you need to up your hours. And stop buying stuff and putting it on klarna.

MatildaTheCat · 16/06/2021 20:17

You both need careers rather than jobs if you want to significantly improve your prospects. Some jobs will train you up, join a management training course, retrain, get more qualifications. Lots of options.

Your DH’s work sounds unreliable in the long term. He should also focus on a career and try to do his sideline as a profitable sideline.

Original poster
stuckinrutt · 16/06/2021 20:18

About 13k in debt I've mentioned using the savings to pay debt but to be honest probably best not to at the moment as something is always going wrong.

The lowest OH earns a month is probably 1k but then he can have a really good month and earn 3k so it's hard. If he was to get a job he would have to give up reselling as it's a full time job in itself, then we would have to look at childcare.

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 16/06/2021 20:19

Your DP may be earning a full time salary, but there's no chance for progression doing what he's doing and he's presumably not contributing to a pension. If he's not drawing child benefit he won't be getting NI exemptions either, so he'll have to do paid work longer to be entitled to a state pension when he retires.

You will probably be wasting money on interest with your debt. You'd be better off paying it off with your savings. And when you pay something off, don't go 'oh brilliant, more spending money!'. Throw what you were paying on that onto your next debt - it will pay it down faster.

Could you up your hours at work as you're not working full time? Or spend the time you're not working to do a course or relevant qualification? You're still very young so you have plenty of time to progress and this will help. When your youngest turns three they'll be entitled to some nursery hours so both your DC could go and your DP could spend that time studying or working.

SuperMonkeys · 16/06/2021 20:25

Wait a year or so until both the kids are at school. Then he can look at jobs without as much childcare needed and once he is earning reliably, then you can look at college.

Essentially you are young, with two kids, working part time with a fair amount of debt. That probably does feel stressful. But the bonus to being young is plenty of time ahead of you.

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2021 20:27

I don’t agree with these comments on him getting a job and doing eBay either, that’s a full time job to earn that amount normally and there is room for progression, he can extend his range and where he sells. It’s like any other business.

Op, why do you have so much debt? What’s caused it?

What do you earn jointly after tax each month and how much are you paying to debt?

titchy · 16/06/2021 20:28

@stuckinrutt

About 13k in debt I've mentioned using the savings to pay debt but to be honest probably best not to at the moment as something is always going wrong.

The lowest OH earns a month is probably 1k but then he can have a really good month and earn 3k so it's hard. If he was to get a job he would have to give up reselling as it's a full time job in itself, then we would have to look at childcare.

He could do it in the evenings and at weekends. Sorry but if you posted because you genuinely want to improve your family's life and future then this is what needs to happen. A full time job and a year of this could clear your debt once and for all. Yes it's hard work working all day then evenings and weekends. But you're both young - if you can't manage now then when?

If you just posted for a moan then ignore me!

Taliskerskye · 16/06/2021 20:31

No one said to someone who owns a shop there is no career progression Hmm
Lord sugar was a self starter

Use your savings to part pay the debt. Do not buy anything else new for 2 years. No clothes no shoes. Only essentials.

If you need emergency money,get a proper low rate loan.
Simply stop spending any money at all
Also do more hours. You don’t have much choice.

WettyHainthrop · 16/06/2021 20:33

@stuckinrutt

The thing is OH earns as much as he would if he was working full time. It doesn't make sense for him to get a full time job.
You said he does sometimes but sometimes he doesn’t. He has to get a job, you both have to work full time. Then you save, clear your debt and then start saving. Hard.

Flogging bits here and there on eBay while you work nigh-on part time is never going to give you the life you want.

WettyHainthrop · 16/06/2021 20:33

Also stop buying things, especially if those things are expensive enough to require Klarna Confused

ejhhhhh · 16/06/2021 20:35

Go to your local library and borrow Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, read it, and follow the Baby Steps to the letter. Listen to Dave Ramsey's podcast for inspiration, and join one of the UK Dave Ramsey Facebook groups. Dave is an acquired taste (of the southern US evangelical conservative variety 😂), so feel free to ignore the stuff that has f all to do with getting out of debt, but he knows how to deal with debt. None of this farting about looking for the best deals etc kind of dealing with it, as advocated by some other money experts. It's about getting yourself in a mindset where you're 100% serious about dealing with it and rolling with things being a bit shit for a while, so life can be much much better eventually.

Taliskerskye · 16/06/2021 20:36

How is making say, 24k a year on average flogging bits on eBay.
People on mumsnet are strange. If he got a job in Tesco he would be earning less, and they would have to pay for childcare.

Swipe left for the next trending thread