Can someone help me sort my life out

[stuckinrutt]

Frequent poster just name changed as I need some advice on what to do with myself.

I'm stuck in a rut and miserable as hell, I'm 25 with two DC's 4&2 I work part time 30hours at the hospital in a admin role.

OH is early thirties he is a stay at home dad but also runs a small online reselling business on eBay, some months he can bring in a good large amount some months it could be low.

Our bills are fairly low however we have debt so all our money goes on paying debt off. I'm absolutely sick of being poor all the time everything I buy is always on clearpay/Klarna. We have about 3k in savings.

I want a better life for me and my family but I don't know what to do. How do I get out of this trap, it's either I work my arse of and take as much over time as possible and not see my family, but I also need to think about starting college this year I can't deal with being stuck in a dead end job with a low wage forever.

Sorry for rambling on I just don't know what to do I need some guidance.

@Cocomarine some posts I can quote and others MN doesn't allow it. There must be some fault on my account.

Either way you have been judgemental and are now backtracking

And also on that post you pointed out issues but didn't actually offer solutions. Your follow up posts have been helpful. Judgement for having children in early 20s...no, that wasn't helpful (or nice)

[quote Sweak]@Cocomarine some posts I can quote and others MN doesn't allow it. There must be some fault on my account.

Either way you have been judgemental and are now backtracking[/quote]
Not backtracking at all. Backtracking doesn’t mean pointing out the advice you actually gave in the same misquote 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you want to say my comment about the kids whilst in debt is unhelpful, that’s fine - I’ll take it. Even though my point was about the sadness, it wasn’t clear. And that you can call backtracking or recognition of fault, whichever you like.

But you can’t call it backtracking to point out that actually I had given helpful advice too - just because MN apparently wouldn’t let you quote the next paragraph in the same post 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Sweak

And also on that post you pointed out issues but didn't actually offer solutions. Your follow up posts have been helpful. Judgement for having children in early 20s...no, that wasn't helpful (or nice)

You’re scraping the barrel. Just because I credit the OP with the intelligence to convert an issue to a solution herself?

What do you do when DH earns 3K?

I would take his minimum and use that as a 'wage' then anything over that goes to pay the debt.

Is the debt credit cards? If so talk to them and see what they can do. I asked for a lower payment with one credit card and they looked at my income and outgoings and said they would accept £1 a month and once cleared cancel the account.

Dh needs to do some work outside the home, even a single shift a week at McDonalds or washing up in a pub, that gives you a guaranteed income each week.

Plan, plan, plan - meal plan, spending plan etc.

Is the selling and buying set up as a company? If you make it a company you will pay tax but you will also be able to put things through the books eg some of your heating costs, packaging, postage - all go against your tax.

I you are not going to spend your savings on your debt then make sure it is working for you. Interest rates are low but if you shop around and are prepared to put some money away for a year or so you can get better rates.

@Cocomarine believe me about the quotes or not. I don't really care. I pointed out you gave some helpful advice (eventually). I stand by my point that the 'so young' comment wasn't nice, and was judgemental. The context about 'sad' not relevant really. It was just a dig about being a young mum.

And no I'm not a young mum myself so that's not why I'm picking up on it. I'm just fed up of seeing posts where people ask for help and posters have to say something judgey

You're still so young OP and sounds like you're doing a great job! Loads of us feel skint in our early to mid 20's. It's great that you have no childcare costs and low bills, it sounds like you need to do some serious budgeting to tackle the debt and it'll be a huge weight off your shoulders! Try to stop using Clearpay/Klarna to buy what you need, it's only adding to the problem! If you really need something and you dont have the money then you should use your savings - it might make you think twice about how much you really want that purchase!

What do you plan to study at college? I went back to college at 27, I'm 34 now - 3 years qualified and it's massively improved my life!

He earns enough to pay his bills put some in the savings and have some to live off and I don't have that I'm always asking him for money and I hate it but I guess that's more my fault than anything.

Not your fault at all! You're a team, raising a family together and you're need to be supporting each other so that things are equal. Can you sit down together for a conversation and discuss your goals?

I might have misunderstood but why are you paying all the rent if you earn roughly the same?

I’m a non-clinical NHS manager and agree with others that you can have a well paid career in the NHS if you take it seriously. Do all the training you can, put up your hand for everything. Want to be a project manager, performance/data manager or service manager, for example?

We have an Argos card that has 1k, credit card has about 8k PayPal1k TUI Credit card £800 they are the main ones we need to tackle we're not too bothered about the sofa finance as we just pay that monthly. Our car is paid for and our rent is only 476 we actually moved here to save money as we was paying £800 before.

@pjani That is my plan I want to stay in the NHS I do regularly have a look to see what courses they offer but it's hard because I don't know what route I want to go down.

@Sometimesfraught82

I’m guessing he doesn’t want to work because then he’d pay tax I’d be flabbergasted if he’s declaring fully

True , but they have no childcare costs which are massive.

And it's not that we're skint OH has more money that me I'm the one that usually never has nothing and I'm constantly asking him to send me money.

That’s your issue.
You feel crap because you are always chasing your tail.
He doesn’t see the issue with his business because actually he is more comfortable than you.
Time to pool money and ensure you have access to the same amount of spare money.
And then use anything else to repay that debt.
Plus, of course, pooling money and looking carefully at your spending, BOTH of them, might bring some reality check on the efforts you make vs the ones he does or doesn’t make.

@stuckinrutt

We have an Argos card that has 1k, credit card has about 8k PayPal1k TUI Credit card £800 they are the main ones we need to tackle we're not too bothered about the sofa finance as we just pay that monthly. Our car is paid for and our rent is only 476 we actually moved here to save money as we was paying £800 before.

@pjani That is my plan I want to stay in the NHS I do regularly have a look to see what courses they offer but it's hard because I don't know what route I want to go down.

If the smaller debts have interest pay them off eg Argos and Tui. Does your hospital have a bank ? You could do a night shift maybe once a week ? That could pay off your debt a lot quicker.
Do you have a mortgage ? Could you put £13k on it ? More mortgage but less outgoings.

Is it also worth looking at consolidating all your loans into one?

Op how sustainable or reliable is your oh job? There are thousands of people doing exactly what he is doing. It might seem like a good job in terms of money and age right now, but what about in say 5y time? He will have just become 'skilled' in just one generic, saturated job. The only way forward I would see, is for both of you to study and work towards a career path. In 5years you both could be qualified and have experience in something, your kids more independent and your quality of life really changing.

Why are you paying all the rent?

My friend does hospital admin but she also managed to get on the bank rota as band 2 as HCA, now she does one night shift a week.

Also perhaps a loan to pay off all your debts, giving you a lower monthly amount to pay.

Really think you need to look at getting a low interest loan to pay all these debts off then Judy pay that one off monthly. If that's possible. That would also help with budgeting as it's one set payment. This is only worth doing though if you then don't use the credit cards or Argos card again..but you shouldn't have to as you have a 3k fund for emergencies.

I'm assuming the credit card isn't a zero interest one and that Argos charge a fair amount of interest?

Or how about clearing Argos with your savings? That still leaves you 2k savings

Pay off your Argos card, PayPal and Tui credit card today - the interest is astronomical and it makes no sense to have £3k sitting in a bank earning nothing when paying high interest to borrow that amount elsewhere.

Do you have a joint account?
It is wrong that you need to ask him for money.

Either all income should be pooled straight into a joint account, or you both separately put a fixed amount each month into a joint account, out of which all bills are paid, then each keep in your own accounts an equal amount of personal spending money.
I am concerned that you don't know exactly what he earns (although you have said it varies) and you don't know exactly where his money is going.

Ask him about a joint account and watch his reaction.

@Sometimesfraught82

I’m guessing he doesn’t want to work because then he’d pay tax I’d be flabbergasted if he’s declaring fully

Why? That's quite an unfair and judgemental assumption to make about a complete stranger - most people I know are honest.

You'd be mad to try to fiddle tax when selling online anyway - it's not exactly cash in hand!

OP I'd agree that you need to start working together on this - pool your income and work out a plan between you. If you work out what you need and stick to it then all the excess of your 'good months' can be thrown at the debt.

[quote Sweak]@Cocomarine some posts I can quote and others MN doesn't allow it. There must be some fault on my account.

Either way you have been judgemental and are now backtracking[/quote]
You can’t quote posts with quotes.

I think it sounds like the OP and her husband/partner have enough money on paper. It’s just a case of being honest with each other about money. Writing down their income each month as well as what they are spending it on and trying to cut unnecessary spending.

You're doing really well, things will improve.
Can you take any opportunity to train within the NHS or set yourself a goal to do a degree in two years, the pay will increase as you learn move up bands.
You're on a great starting point, give yourself a pat on the back and acknowledge how well you're doing.

@Gemma2019

Pay off your Argos card, PayPal and Tui credit card today - the interest is astronomical and it makes no sense to have £3k sitting in a bank earning nothing when paying high interest to borrow that amount elsewhere.

100% this. Then split what you were paying on those and put half in your savings and the other half as an additional payment on what's left on the other credit card. Also see if you're eligible for a card which has no interest for balance transfers and move the debt. That way EVERYTHING you pay will be on the debt, not just the interest.

DH and I have a very complex spreadsheet but basically our finances are set up so that we pool our money, all of our main costs go out (all standing orders, insurance, phone bills, child care, debt payments etc), we put money in one account for food shopping, money into savings and then split the rest equally. That's our play money - we can spend it on whatever we want but when it's gone, it's gone. And we don't have to justify the expenditure to each other.

It works well because you both have the same spending power and you're not beholden to each other for spends, plus you know the bills are taken care of. When I was on maternity leave we still did it - but adjusted so our income was lower. Pay increases go into the pot, but bonuses (unless really significant) are for the person who earned them.

I can't believe so many people have overlooked that OP and her partner do not have equal disposable income. Surely that's the first issue to address? They should be left with equal amounts after bills/debts are paid each month.