Can someone help me sort my life out

[stuckinrutt]

Frequent poster just name changed as I need some advice on what to do with myself.

I'm stuck in a rut and miserable as hell, I'm 25 with two DC's 4&2 I work part time 30hours at the hospital in a admin role.

OH is early thirties he is a stay at home dad but also runs a small online reselling business on eBay, some months he can bring in a good large amount some months it could be low.

Our bills are fairly low however we have debt so all our money goes on paying debt off. I'm absolutely sick of being poor all the time everything I buy is always on clearpay/Klarna. We have about 3k in savings.

I want a better life for me and my family but I don't know what to do. How do I get out of this trap, it's either I work my arse of and take as much over time as possible and not see my family, but I also need to think about starting college this year I can't deal with being stuck in a dead end job with a low wage forever.

Sorry for rambling on I just don't know what to do I need some guidance.

If you’re paying rent gas and electric you’re paying an awful lot more than him every month and he has savings but you don’t? Doesn’t sound very fair.

I’d love to know where the posters saying you should both work full time think you’re going to find free childcare! Even when they are both at school that is only 6 hours a day and they are on holiday for 13 weeks a year.

As other posters have said, moneysavingexpert.com should be your first port of call. Maybe you can consolidate your debt.

Then you need to work out all your household bills and make sure it’s split fairly. If you earn less than your husband you should pay a smaller share.

@AnathemaPulsifer

If you’re paying rent gas and electric you’re paying an awful lot more than him every month and he has savings but you don’t? Doesn’t sound very fair.

I think so too!

They need full disclosure about finances as a starting point.

If your OH's income can vary between £1k and £3k per month, could you not agree that anything say over £1.5k is used to clear debt? Could get it sorted fairly quickly that way

It's very hard to advise without knowing income and outgoings. How much does your OH bring in, how much is rent, utlities etc, on paper what's left over and if it's a decent chunk - where is it going?

I have nothing against self employment, believe it can be a lot more lucrative than employed work if you put your time into it. What kind of products does he sell? Has he considered other market places? Ebay have massively shot themselves in the foot lately with seller fees and removing paypal payments, personally I would be looking at if he can get onto Amazon FBA or Amazon Private Label instead, a lot less work in terms of packaging, shipping, storage and a bigger footfall.

First thing to accept is if you want your situation to change, SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE. You can't improve the situation without changing jobs, your OH getting better paid work, one of you taking on a second job, cutting down on your outgoings or changing your spending behaviour. Decide which is the least worst option and set about to change things today.

@stuckinrutt

We have an Argos card that has 1k, credit card has about 8k PayPal1k TUI Credit card £800 they are the main ones we need to tackle we're not too bothered about the sofa finance as we just pay that monthly. Our car is paid for and our rent is only 476 we actually moved here to save money as we was paying £800 before.

@pjani That is my plan I want to stay in the NHS I do regularly have a look to see what courses they offer but it's hard because I don't know what route I want to go down.

What I would do (so feel free to ignore!) is clear whichever two of the TUI card, PayPal and Argos card has the highest interest and focus on the other two, clearing the cheaper one as quickly as you can. Keep £1k for emergencies and build your savings back up.

@Hankunamatata

My friend does hospital admin but she also managed to get on the bank rota as band 2 as HCA, now she does one night shift a week.

Also perhaps a loan to pay off all your debts, giving you a lower monthly amount to pay.

Agree with the first part. Some departments (eg A+E) have admin/reception night work if HCA isn't for you.

@stuckinrutt

Really appreciate some of these comments and they have put some things into perspective for me. We definitely need to do a spreadsheet. We do waste money on things we don't need and popping to the shops and buying rubbish.

OH usually pays most of the bills and I usually pay rent gas and electric. But after all that I don't have much left. He earns enough to pay his bills put some in the savings and have some to live off and I don't have that I'm always asking him for money and I hate it but I guess that's more my fault than anything.

The distribution of money seems unfair, if you are left with nothing. Can you work out how much everything is going to cost, and factor in the spending money.? Ie. Include this as another ‘bill’. Obviously dh income is variable, so maybe you need to take an average income for him.

Incidently, is dp registered as a business for tax purposes etc. You don’t want to be caught further down the road with a hefty tax bill.

He's selling on ebay. Theres no need for that to be a full time job. Just buy a tablet with sim and post his ads/ correspond while at work - on the loo, in breaks and lunch etc. Parcel when he gets home. Trip to the post office on the way to work.

Yes its not really great employee status but as long as he does his job well you will be surprised what companies/managers will allow/support vs. someone who does a shit job.

Pay off Tui, PayPal and Argos with savings.
Balance transfer the 8k credit card onto a zero interest or low cost bank loan.
DP Salaries himself 1k per month and the rest goes towards household, e.g. unexpected bills, debts, savings, treats.

Make sure you have contraception sorted. An unplanned pregnancy will really put financial pressure on you.

Once all dept paid off, put similar amounts you were spending on debt into savings. Don't buy stuff until you have saved for it first.

You got this!

@lemonSwan and others. He's the higher earner making on average 24k a year. Ebaying can be a fulltime job - in the way buying and selling through a shop is, its more of a virtual shop. Seems silly to minimise it.

A friends husband did this. Whole room dedicated to stock. It definitely took a lot of time. They declared income etc like any other business.

@SummerHouse

Jesus lady look what you have achieved!! You have two young children and 3k savings. You are a working mum. You have aspirations. What you want to do, you will do it. I would be proud to know you.

Without knowing all the details, in general I would agree with this.

25 is very young. And having babies / preschool kids is the most expensive time in a young families life.

Your husband is currently taking an earnings hit due to childcare. That won't always be forever.

Keep paying your debts off and aiming higher, as you are, and you'll get there.

He has to get a job, you both have to work full time. Then you save, clear your debt and then start saving. Hard

Then they's need full time child care for 2 kids.

@GiantToadstool

I am not minimising it. I have a business, a full professional service that I run full time whilst working a part time job. My partner also works full time and contributes part time hours. Yes we are overworked. But we are trying to better our lives. We nearly hit the VAT turnover last year and so opened a second company.

I really am not trying to minimise it. I am saying its possible to do both.

It really will depend on what he's doing wont it? It may well not be possible to do both if you spend your day sorting stock/preparing stuff to sell/printing labels etc. To make 3k profit in a month may well be selling a lot of product!! Not just putting a few photos up in a lunch break.

Great that your life is going so well though!

Not to mention the cots of childcare...

To make say 24k with no childcare would take some replacing wouldn't it. A normal job would overall provide less money.

Up your hours, Husband takes on something that can be done on the weekend?

Trick is to maximise income. Oldest dc will be going to school soon, the youngest is.noy far off. Muddle through and work as much as possible until in school and see how you can both work full time.

Ps all wages should go in a pot imo in your situation, you are providing the stable income and sometimes making up his shortfalls, if he is not working full time it is ridiculous that you are skint and he has savings

@GiantToadstool

Honestly I am not trying to make OP feel bad or boast about 'how great my life is going'. I wouldnt have mentioned it if you didnt say 'I was minimising'. Its fucking gruelling. But its necessary because when you work for yourself its a perpetual cycle of peaks and valleys of income. No matter how much you earn its not reliable unless you have a big lump of retained earnings to fall back on in quiet times.

Op doesn't have this - we are working on it but we don't feel we have enough either. Thats why we keep working in employment and don't go full time working for ourselves. I don't know if I will ever have enough to quit employment.

And yes to the childcare. Its an issue. I am assuming its either part time hours if they can take advantage of the free childcare for x days. Evening or weekend work until they can. OP will have to help with the packing/ enquiries/ etc. also.

The only way out of this is more money and its not going to be easy. Its going to be hard and a team effort.

Really? They have a higher than average family income. I honestly think the issue is the spending and the relationship between the 2 of them and where the money is going.

Definitely what @GiantToadstool has said.
The DP needs to be putting any excess money into paying off thr debt, not building up more savings or spending it. And they should be working out a more equitable arrangement for paying rent and bills rather than OP paying yhr majority and having to go cap in hand if she doesn't have enough.

Do pay off some of the debt with the existing savings, investigate 0% credit cards or consolidating the debt with a loan. Don't spend anything more on holidays, furniture or non-essentials until you are debt free. With your income it really shouldn't take very long .... and short term pain for long term gain.

You really don't need to do anything more than this if you are currently managing repayments.