Can someone help me sort my life out

[stuckinrutt]

Frequent poster just name changed as I need some advice on what to do with myself.

I'm stuck in a rut and miserable as hell, I'm 25 with two DC's 4&2 I work part time 30hours at the hospital in a admin role.

OH is early thirties he is a stay at home dad but also runs a small online reselling business on eBay, some months he can bring in a good large amount some months it could be low.

Our bills are fairly low however we have debt so all our money goes on paying debt off. I'm absolutely sick of being poor all the time everything I buy is always on clearpay/Klarna. We have about 3k in savings.

I want a better life for me and my family but I don't know what to do. How do I get out of this trap, it's either I work my arse of and take as much over time as possible and not see my family, but I also need to think about starting college this year I can't deal with being stuck in a dead end job with a low wage forever.

Sorry for rambling on I just don't know what to do I need some guidance.

I've spoke to Oh about getting a job but he says he will wait to the kids are at school which is fair enough.

I'm quite happy to do more hours now just feel sad about not being with my kids. OH was a scaffolder so we had a comfortable life before then we put a few holidays on the credit card then company went bust then things kept adding up.

And it's not that we're skint OH has more money that me I'm the one that usually never has nothing and I'm constantly asking him to send me money.

I think we probably need to sit down and have a look a look at things properly, I may start applying for other jobs in the hospital.

The people I know who buy and sell stuff on eBay don't pay tax or ni because they don't declare it.

Can you work full time if you'd like more money?

How are you splitting your bills if your OH is constantly sending you money OP? Is the debt joint?

I feel sad about not being with my children too but as a parent it is my job to provide for them.

I honestly can’t conceive of you not both working full time when you’re accruing debt at such a rate.

[quote Taliskerskye]@MrsTulipTattsyrup
If he’s self employed he’s paying national insurance. Do you think self employed people don’t!

Pension is a different thing.[/quote]
I very much know about self employment and NI.

The way the OP describes her OH’s activity didn’t imply to me that it was set up as a business, though. I don’t think it’s been confirmed that it’s being run that way.

Are your family finances joint or have you kept them separate? Is that why you never have any money? Maybe you need a fairer system for your domestic expenses?

Have you spoken to a debt charity such as StepChange to get their help with your debts?

Why can't

You work FT
He works evenings or weekends in a proper job
Are you paying into the NHS pension ?
Contact Step change & get your debt sorted out asap

I think DH's job isn't a problem. While it doesn't have promotion prospects, the flexibility & childcare aspect is so great that he should stick with it.

OP - what is your ambition? What job do you want to have in 5 yrs time? Do you need to retrain? Can you go for promotion or a better job within the NHS? If you have a long term goal, that will give you a focus to work towards. Then you may not be tempted to buy silly things on Klarna.

If your OH was a scaffolder, could you consider getting a business loan and setting up a scaffolding company? I work in an industry where we use scaffolders a lot and they're always in very high demand. Businesses go bust for many many reasons and only one is because of a lack of work, so it might be worth investigating.

More thoughts...
The news ATM is full of the shortfall in catering & hospitality staff, So OH could get a weekend & evening job in that field, as you would be able to take over the childcare then.

Put a tight break on any new purchases, do not buy any new clothes for yourself or OH, buy the children only clothes they need and only from charity shops etc. Ask family to give the children clothes as gifts. No new purchases of household items.

Look at your food bill to see if you can make any savings there.

I strongly suggest getting on moneysavingexperts debt free forum and posting a full run down of income, debts etc (they have a statement of affairs calculator that will help you do this). It’s a wonderfully supportive place, lots of people giving advice who have got themselves out of debt.

Here you’re only going to get opinions on your work situation but clearly you can’t continue as you are. Either you need to control your spending or earn more, continuing on the current path is only going to get you more into debt and more anxious and stressed

It doesn’t sound like you’ve changed your buy now (still haven’t) pay later approach, as you’re using Klarna. So, address that.

Work full time until your debt is paid.

Do you have a proper budget?

Reading between the lines. You have a decent amount coming in. Minimal regular outgoings. So you must be frivolously spending and have no real idea on what?

What was 13k spent on ?

@SummerHouse

Jesus lady look what you have achieved!! You have two young children and 3k savings. You are a working mum. You have aspirations. What you want to do, you will do it. I would be proud to know you.

Love this

@fourminutestosavetheworld

Take out the maximum maintenance loan and go to university.

Train for a well-paying professional job and let your DP be a SAHD to provide free childcare.

Once your kids are at school he can grow his business or work part time alongside his eBay business.

Keep your savings - everyone needs a rainy day fund.

Please tell me this was tongue in cheek - awful advice!

^^ Agreed!

DP is earning and doing majority childcare. I don't think he's the problem.
OP is 80% working. That could be an issue unless the 20% is enabling DP to do his work.

The main issue is the difference between income and outgoings. You haven't said anything about that except that you're buying stuff on Klarna. That needs to stop. Pay off the most expensive debt with the £3K. Find the cheapest loan solution for the remaining debt. Work out a budget which prioritises getting it paid off. If you can't get the maths to work then you need to look at more drastic options - increasing income by working longer hours (either/both of you), decreasing expenses - changing energy supplier, dropping/changing the car, moving to a cheaper property.
Why does DP have more money than you? Is he spending excess when you don't need it on paying down debt or is he spending it on non-essentials?

@stuckinrutt

Tell your other half to get off his backside and get a proper job

It's 2021 everything should be equal

OP check out a book called the Barefoot Investor. The title is misleading- it’s not about investing- it’s about how to sort your finances and get out of debt then how to manage your money so you don’t get back into it. It’s Australian but the principles transfer to the UK.
There is a whole Barefoot community here with huge FB pages of followers etc.

Following this way of looking at your finances has helped literally thousands and thousands get out of debt. The guy who wrote it sells nothing - he just helps people. It’s a humerous easy read and will change your life. Interestingly he advocates building then keeping a small (2K) fund for emergencies before you start paying your debts off so you’re doing that already..

All the best.

Hang on, why does he have so much more money than you? Do you not have joint finances?

At your age
1x FT job days
2x PT jobs eves & weekends
However, I didn't have any dependants & lived frugally, because I worked long hours
Then I changed to 1x FT job that was better paid

Your DP, have you seen a spreadsheet of what he buys & what he sells
Is he really making a profit ?

Im not sure everyone is seeing all the facts.
If he is earning somewhere between 12 and 36k (24k?) and its saving them the cost of childcare thats pretty good. Many people can't afford to have both parents working properly. They would have less if he went to work in a shop amd had childcare costs. He is likely the higher earner here.

OP hasnt said what she earns but if its nmw it would be about 14000. In the nhs this has potential to increase, training available etc.

It is fairly likely their family income is too high for universal credits!! If its 38kish and no childcare costs they're higher than average earners (mumsnet is funny sometimes.)

So the earning isnt the real immediate issue here but the debt and the spending/budgeting.

Really OP could start another thread with income /outgoings and ask for help with debt/spending.

If OH is taking home after tax 1-3k a month and does all the childcare, I’m not sure you have an OH problem contrary to what some have implied.

A job that allowed him to take home 2k/ month after tax would pay £30k a year before tax.

The real issue is how you are both budgeting. You need to look hard at income and outgoings. You will have to sacrifice some things. But you should be able to free up some cash to start paying down your debt. What are your major out goings?

Is any of the debt secured?