In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

hanging out

🤣

Have you got children @ShirleyPhallus? Have you been a SAHM?

I don't call cooking, cleaning, tidying, and childcare 'hanging out'

The mental graft of looking after a child doesn't ever end, unless you're a parent who doesn't really give a shit.

Working for yourself may incur the same amount of mental graft, but working down Asda surely won't.

Even “only” working down at Asda won’t take away all the thousands of things you have to think about as a parent, it just puts them on hold temporarily.

I absolutely maintain is a huge luxury to be able to spend the day at home with your children.

Threads about this crop up often, and it's always the same bun fight.

Personally no, I wouldn't class it as work, for me (contrary to the official definition I'm sure) if someone said ah I'm off to work I'd assume paid work. I don't consider looking after my child and home as work, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

The mental graft of a job is much more challenging than that of being with your own child

To me the balance is definitely more challenging. There is still plenty of stuff to do everyday, things to think about and coordinate on top of working even if they are in childcare, and throughout covid dealing with work vs all of the isolations has been hell.

It depends on the age of your children too - looking after a baby or toddler all day or homeschooling yes. Is it ‘work’ when you’re kids are school six hours a day, I’d say probably no. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it - every one should do what they are happy with - but don’t validate what you’re doing by calling it work and be offended when others, especially those who are mentally and physically knackered after a 12 hour shift, don’t acknowledge it as such.

What else would it be called

Parenting?

It’s not work nor a job.

I'm not sure if your intention for this thread was to stir the pot or gather validation.

I'll throw one in though, so while in working from home and my child is off school I don't just work, I work work.

@ShirleyPhallus

The mental graft of looking after a child doesn't ever end, unless you're a parent who doesn't really give a shit.

Working for yourself may incur the same amount of mental graft, but working down Asda surely won't.

Even “only” working down at Asda won’t take away all the thousands of things you have to think about as a parent, it just puts them on hold temporarily.

I absolutely maintain is a huge luxury to be able to spend the day at home with your children.

You've changed your argument. You said looking after children didn't have as much mental graft as working.

Now you're saying looking after children does have mental graft that is very much present even when you're at a job.

So which is it.

It's the hardest job ever but you're not employed

Missed this one, hahaha.

It's not a job. It's not easy but I wouldn't call it a job.

I was a SAHM until DS started school and personally I find being a working parent much harder. Kids can be relentless but when I was a SAHM I could stay at home all day in my pyjamas if I wanted, didn't have deadlines/have to be anywhere foe a specific time and didn't have a boss expecting anything from me on top of my child.

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

This is such bollocks.

I have a ‘proper’ job - a career etc. I found staying home on mat leave hideous and way harder. I cannot imagine doing that every day all day.

Obviously many have the opposite opinion.

Calling it ‘dicking about’ is grossly offensive.

@JaneJeffer

So according to some on here childminders don't work.

They wouldn't class looking after their own children work I doubt, no. And they aren't SAHMs.

@morepizza I guess by your own reckoning the sort of woman who has a hard job is less likely to give up her career to be a SAHP. Therefore a woman who has an easy job will find it harder than working. It's irrelevant anyway - you can argue your point as much as possible but everyone knows looking after your children is a choice and whilst it's work like gardening is work it's not the same as someone going out to work. The levels of flexibility you have also is very different from working at ASDA - you have choices about how you manage your day and what you do. The lady at the checkout does not.

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

Deciding to stay home and actually look after the three children I chose to have is certainly not dicking around. It might not be a job but its bloody hard work!

Being a childminder is a job, someone is looking after your child for you so they are providing a service. Looking after your own child isn't a job, just like cleaning your own house doesn't make you a cleaner and cooking your own dinner doesn't make you a chef.

[quote gottakeeponmovin]@morepizza I guess by your own reckoning the sort of woman who has a hard job is less likely to give up her career to be a SAHP. Therefore a woman who has an easy job will find it harder than working. It's irrelevant anyway - you can argue your point as much as possible but everyone knows looking after your children is a choice and whilst it's work like gardening is work it's not the same as someone going out to work. The levels of flexibility you have also is very different from working at ASDA - you have choices about how you manage your day and what you do. The lady at the checkout does not. [/quote]
I have to rebut the point about choices around my day. Most of my day is dictated to by the needs of my child.

Feeding, exercise, entertainment, playing games, reading books etc.

With that said, I do see your point but with everything, it's not black and white

And @morepizza incidentally who do you think does the cooking and cleaning me washing in households where there is no SAHP. The childcare is the only bit you do differently. Everything else still needs to be done by working parents.

@Waxonwaxoff0

Being a childminder is a job, someone is looking after your child for you so they are providing a service. Looking after your own child isn't a job, just like cleaning your own house doesn't make you a cleaner and cooking your own dinner doesn't make you a chef.

I said 'work' not 'job'

Yea. Some Families out source this to nurseries/nannies, or keep in house with SAHM. But yes it’s work.

Those who have SAHM and nannies then no.

@gottakeeponmovin

And *@morepizza* incidentally who do you think does the cooking and cleaning me washing in households where there is no SAHP. The childcare is the only bit you do differently. Everything else still needs to be done by working parents.

In my circles I can say with confidence that most of that is contracted out

Personally I think it's harder being a SAHM than my job (pretty senior in finance). I really enjoy my job, and even though it's stressful it's not as stressful as being at home all flipping day with a mini tyrant (aka a toddler).

I think once DC are in school/pre-school it flips back to being easier to stay at home (unless your DC are disabled etc.), but definitely being a SAHP is mentally tougher than most jobs IMO. I know a variety of women who think the same - doctors, barristers, bankers etc.

I'd say it's hard work, but not work sorry.

I'll bite.

Mat leave was hard, but easier than my job. And definitely easier than working and having babies/ toddlers. I didn't have to get everyone ready to leave the house by 730, for a start. I didn't have to cram everything into a few short hours in the evening too.

Summer holidays (closest I've been to sahm as kids grow up) were not work. Washing up and doing a 5 minute tidy every day is not work.

The odd week where I was off work but my kids were still in school: definitely not work at home. Well, I did my JOB work, but from 9-230, what other work would be done? Made me wish more of my holidays were different.

The idea that staying at home with the kids is a luxury makes me laugh!
Going to a job you enjoy and earning money is a luxury! My experience of being at home with kids was wayyyyyy harder

The thing is alot of people will find their day job easier than being a stay at home parent and alot of people will find it easier, so neither one is better or worse than the other I think the luxury is having the choice.

So for instance I am currently only working part time because I cannot afford childcare (it sounds ridiculous saying you cannot afford to work but for many people that's the truth). I personally do find working easier than being at home all day, every day with my young child and toddler because it is isolating and frankly my flat would be far cleaner and tidier if we were not here the majority of the time. I would also have a break from them during the week that would help me appreciate them more on the weekends/evenings.

In my circles I can say with confidence that most of that is contracted out

I don't know anyone who contracts it out, middle class bubble are we? I work full time, my DH is often away with work, sometimes for up to 6 months at a time and don't contact anything out- why are you so insecure in your choice to try and justify it by wildly making assumptions?