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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking being a SAHM is work?

710 replies

morepizza · 16/06/2021 17:19

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

OP posts:
Beebopawhop · 16/06/2021 17:49

@Shirleyphallus dicking around ??? Haha have you got children ? What a crap statement to make what a waste of my my reading time

toomuchtooold · 16/06/2021 17:49

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job
Do you really believe that? Before I was a SAHM I was a pharmaceutical process development chemist. In terms of "mental graft" it was fairly demanding, I would have said - I needed a PhD for my position - but it was a piece of piss compared to looking after kids.
JaneJeffer · 16/06/2021 17:50

So according to some on here childminders don't work.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 16/06/2021 17:54

Don’t know why I’m contributing but sounds to me as if the OP is bored and wants to start a row. She’s already reeled one PP in with the bait.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 16/06/2021 17:55

I've worked in very responsible senior roles in global organisations managing huge budgets and people and none of it was as hard as the time I spent as a SAHP.

SAHP was brutal, relentless and utterly thankless. Bursitis on my knees from crawling around the floor, neck deep in shit, vomit and snot from morning till night. Couldn't even go to the loo on my own.

I wouldn't call it work though - it wasn't paid!!! Slavery?

nb: I do love my babies (pretty much grown up now) but I dont remember that period in my life fondly.

Oh an only a phallus (dick) would think it was dicking around. Or a totally shit lazy parent.

HeadNorth · 16/06/2021 17:57

@JaneJeffer

So according to some on here childminders don't work.
That is a fatuous argument. Gardeners work, but doing your own garden isn't classed as work. Same with housework, window cleaning etc etc
Washimal · 16/06/2021 17:57

So according to some on here childminders don't work.

There is a big difference between parenting your own children and being a registered childcare provider. Although I agree that being a SAHP is hard work, the comparison doesn't make sense.

ufucoffee · 16/06/2021 17:58

I wouldn't call it work because parents who work full time do the same things on top of having jobs. I've been a SAHM and it was so easy compared to working full time with children

youngandbroken · 16/06/2021 17:59

It's bloody hard work with no mandatory breaks, holiday time or sick pay and your "boss/bosses" would most definitely be breaching some major employment laws if it were a real job Grin... but it can't really be considered a 'job' because you don't get paid. However, there are people who either had the world's most placid children or never had children in the first place (or were working a 'proper job' whilst someone else dealt with their child's tears, tantrums and general demon child behaviour) who refuse to acknowledge that stay at home parents deserve and need a break at times. Hell, I go to my part time 'proper job' to get a break from my children sometimes!

toocold54 · 16/06/2021 17:59

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

As a single parent who has been unemployed and working full time whilst studying a degree I can tell you honestly that I found being a SAHP a lot harder!
Of course I still have to do everything I did before but my mental health has improved, I get to socialise, have a lunch break, go to the toilet interrupted etc

Viviennemary · 16/06/2021 18:00

People are confusing employment a job and work. You might say you are working in your garden all afternoon gardening. Its not your job or employment when it's your own garden. Nor should it be funded by the state. If you don't do it yourself you might employ a gardener. Still doesn't make it your job or employment.

InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 18:00

@ufucoffee

I wouldn't call it work because parents who work full time do the same things on top of having jobs. I've been a SAHM and it was so easy compared to working full time with children
Except they clearly don't I've done both but when I was a full time working parent I had to pay someone else to care for my child while I worked, when I was a SAHP I did it myself.
Original poster
morepizza · 16/06/2021 18:00

@ufucoffee

I wouldn't call it work because parents who work full time do the same things on top of having jobs. I've been a SAHM and it was so easy compared to working full time with children
This doesn't make sense to me.

If this was true nurseries wouldn't exist

OP posts:
CheeseIsATypeOfMeat · 16/06/2021 18:01

@ufucoffee

I wouldn't call it work because parents who work full time do the same things on top of having jobs. I've been a SAHM and it was so easy compared to working full time with children
Unless you take your kids to work with you it's not the same. But yes, you have to do all the housework on top of work. Hence why I don't work! I wouldn't have the brain space for small children and a full time job. Even with DH fairly pitching in. I'm not ashamed. I'll own it. I'd be a shit working mum!
InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 18:02

I do think it's different from being a paid nanny though in some ways it's harder and in other's easier. As a nanny I'd be less emotionally invested, so wouldn't feel as worried about development, am I doing a good job, oh god how embarassing my 2 year old threw a tantrum etc. On the other hand I can go and meet friends, go see my mum, take it easy for the day stay in my PJS and do no tidying if I didn't sleep well.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2021 18:02

@JaneJeffer

So according to some on here childminders don't work.
Well childminders work and so do I. Childminders have a job though. I don't. Chefs have a job. I don't. Teachers have a job. I don't. Cleaners have a job. I don't. Gardeners have a job. I don't. Accountants have a job. I don't. Personal shoppers have a job. I don't
MuchTooTired · 16/06/2021 18:02

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job
Maybe without kids it’s a luxury to dick around from home.

With kids I don’t count it as a luxury, and would much rather be dicking around at work with breaks, adult interaction and basic respect.

Kdubs1981 · 16/06/2021 18:04

Of course it's work! It's not "employment" as you don't get paid, but it's certainly bloody work !

MrsWhites · 16/06/2021 18:05

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job
Wow 🤯

‘Dicking around’ looking after kids can be far more mentally challenging than lots of jobs!

RuggerHug · 16/06/2021 18:06

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job
Dick around, really?
Inanun2 · 16/06/2021 18:06

@mangojango

It's the hardest job ever but you're not employed.
It is definitely not the hardest job ever ! I know this is not popular and I say that as someone who worked part time for years when my children were younger having the ‘best of both worlds‘ a job away from home and staying at home some days, I know which I preferred and it wasn’t working , I would have loved being a SAHM full time.

Lots of people work and then have to do all the SAHM things after work.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2021 18:08

@ufucoffee

I wouldn't call it work because parents who work full time do the same things on top of having jobs. I've been a SAHM and it was so easy compared to working full time with children
Well they don't provide the 8 hours of childcare, cooking and associated cleaning that they contract out. My house would be far cleaner if none of us were here all day
Marty13 · 16/06/2021 18:09

I'd say that anything that can be outsourced as a paid job is work. So going to the gym isn't, because you don't get paid to work out for your own benefit, but housecleaning definitely is, and nannying also, and many other things including life admin.

I have a nanny and I feel like her job is harder than mine !

MildredPuppy · 16/06/2021 18:11

It doesnt really matter if some work is harder or some people do double work.
It doesnt make it non work.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 16/06/2021 18:12

Can't remember where I saw it, but SAHP using term, 'domestic engineer..' Hmm

Why does it need a label?

Staying at home is work. Working outside the home is work.

But staying at home isn't having a job.