In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

Or indeed insecurities people have.

Pmed you @Sweak

@Templetreebloom thanks, replied

@BonnieDundee

I am on my own and nursery costs are £4k per month.

That is an eye-watering amount. I don't even earn half that. What do parents on NMW do about childcare if they don't have family help?

Struggle. A lot. Or alternate shifts if they have a partner. I've never had any family help with childcare, not even for an hour.

That's why I made sure I had a stable career with good pay before having children, in case the worst should happen and I'd need to provide for them alone, which sadly turned out to be the case.

@DogsAreHardWorkButWorthIt

The parents I feel have it the hardest are people doing it alone. That is really tough.

I think some parents working in their careers are just plain jealous of SAHM. Only some, others can appreciate it brings its own difficulties.

The difference between parenting young kids and teenagers is that you have a lot more control with young kids, and yes, nurseries/ childminders can do it fine.

Some teenagers are really straightforward, others are more vulnerable- eg because of special needs (and it can be subtle). They’re at risk from others as they become independent- social media influence/ ‘friends’ introducing them to drugs etc/ the emergence of conditions such as Eating Disorders. Mental Healtg problems with teenagers is an increasingly worrying issue.

It’s not always easy to parent at the later stages, and if you think it is - you’re either not there yet / or you’ve been very lucky.

I don't think it's easier. It's just that it's less physically demanding and relentless, less time-consuming and therefore employment limiting. But has its own stresses, particularly in terms of emotion, especially worry.

@DogsAreHardWorkButWorthIt

The parents I feel have it the hardest are people doing it alone. That is really tough.

I think some parents working in their careers are just plain jealous of SAHM. Only some, others can appreciate it brings its own difficulties.

The difference between parenting young kids and teenagers is that you have a lot more control with young kids, and yes, nurseries/ childminders can do it fine.

Some teenagers are really straightforward, others are more vulnerable- eg because of special needs (and it can be subtle). They’re at risk from others as they become independent- social media influence/ ‘friends’ introducing them to drugs etc/ the emergence of conditions such as Eating Disorders. Mental Healtg problems with teenagers is an increasingly worrying issue.

It’s not always easy to parent at the later stages, and if you think it is - you’re either not there yet / or you’ve been very lucky.

Also totally agree that these arguments are ridiculous from the viewpoint of a lone parent. How do these people think we manage to do everything? A lot of the posts seem rather pathetic in that context (obviously not those from parents with additional needs - that is totally different and SO hard). But a SAHP of average kids reckons they have it harder than a working single parent? What a joke.

@Lulalu

Escapeas - there are cases though, where (perhaps bar the school applications) a nanny is responsible for all the things you list.

My neighbours (a couple who both worked and she returned to work when her first baby was 5 months), both used to travel a lot and often they’d both be abroad. They used to say thinks like - “it’s so odd how his hair never grows,” when referring to the baby. Yes that’s because you nanny gets it cut! They wouldn’t have known the faces or names of any of the friends or mums that came into their house on a regular basis. Nor would they know where the child went on play dates as they never took him. Never made it to sports day or assemblies or things like that. The nanny did all the school liaison. She was with them for 12 years. When she left it was a massive shock because they couldn’t find anyone else like her.

I know another family where the children actually live in the basement flat with the nanny and the patents live in the four floors above. They see the kids for maybe a couple of hours in the evening. The nanny is the one who comes to parents evening and literally does everything. Everyone assumed she was the mum for years.

I think childminders and nannies have a massive responsibility, even in less extreme circumstances than I’ve described above. They are often paid a pittance for the amount of responsibility they have. Imagine, a child only has to veer into a road in a scooter, or put something in their mouth. It takes a split second as we all know. This is what’s hard with young children day in day out.,

Ok. That's incredibly sad for those children. But I honestly think the number of parents who have so little involvement in their children's lives to that extent and show them so little love and care is vanishingly small. In my experience of working mothers with demanding careers, they cherish the time in the evenings or at weekends and on holidays that they will spend with their DC. I am sure people as you've described do exist. Just as SAHP who are utterly uninterested in their children and who are actually abusive exist, like my own mother. But these are the outliers and not really what the thread is about.

Ultimately there is no right and wrong, just what works for you.

I said exactly this earlier on. ^^

@AlexaShutUp

I think most people acknowledge that having a sahp is actually lovely for children.

It is only lovely for children if the sahp is happy and fulfilled in that role. It's actually pretty shit if the sahp is bored and frustrated that they're wasting their potential.

Of even worse, abusive. Then there is no escape for the child. Nobody monitoring, nobody knows. A living hell which I will never forget.

OR even worse.