In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

Oh OP, don’t worry about any of this. Just don’t worry whatsoever. Live your life and enjoy you’re kids and who gives a flying f* what randoms think. Unfortunately, this thread will be a klaxon to the usual anti-SAHM brigade and all the usual ra ra ra. But so what? Are you going to change your life because of anything said on here? No. Anyway, mothers are damned whatever they do so who cares. Just so what you do and do your best. Let the rest float over your head.

It's unusual in most circles to contract out cleaning and cooking. Absolutely no one I know could afford to do that!

No it’s not work, I’m a stay at home mum but I’m a single parent and I don’t work because I’m a carer as my child has a disability, I’m not classed as working and if someone asked me if I worked I would be lying if I said yes, I’m also expected to attend “work focused interviews” to get me back into work/employment.

@MaMelon

What is the work part? I’m a parent but I work outside the home - am I working because I’m a parent even when I’m not at home?

Yes

It’s graft and it’s exhausting physically and mentally, but:

in order to achieve a purpose or result.

SAH parenting lacks that aspect of work-work, unless you count “the relentless slog towards getting to bedtime” as the result.

I suppose anything that takes away from leisure is work
However I'm finishing for the summer next week and I don't see spending the summer with my 3yo and 6yo as work. It's much easier than shopping and cleaning at the weekend, being terrified a bubble at school or crèche will pop (sahm have had this much easier this year) or making food for crèche and school and after-school at 10 o clock at night.
I'm looking forward to the break!

Not this again. If you choose to stay at home and look after YOUR children that is fine. Your choice. You are though potentially setting yourself up to relying on someone else to fund this choice. If that person decides that they don’t want to be with you anymore - what happens next, even worse if you aren’t married.

5 minute tidy every day is not work.

5 minutes?! What universe do you live in.

It's 5 minutes every half an hour or so here. If it's not tiny bastard cars, it's painting, or play doh, or Lego, or train tracks etc etc etc

Then multiple meals and snacks etc etc

**in order to achieve a purpose or result.

SAH parenting lacks that aspect of work-work, unless you count “the relentless slog towards getting to bedtime” as the result.**

Bringing up decent humans is a pretty good purpose for me.

Going to work or SAHP?
Kids clothes need washing, dinner needs cooking, there is the pickup time for school/ nursery, what to do when DC are ill or on holiday, keeping the home clean plus the mental load of raising a child ...
Basically being a parent.

But yeah a MN race to the bottom!

I said 'work' not 'job'

But depending on the context they mean the same thing don’t they? And to overthink that and pull it apart just implies that you are defensive and insecure about your lifestyle choice.
Looking after children is work yes, as is writing an essay for college or uni - but if you asked a student ‘do you work’, apart from referring to their part time job on the side I guess the answer wouldn’t be a simple yes/no - but probably leaning more towards a no. Being a student isn’t a job but it is an occupation. So is being a SAHM.
I think there’s also a difference between people saying SAHM isn’t a paid job (fair enough) and people saying being a SAHM means you’re just pissing about all day.

Bringing up decent humans is a pretty good purpose for me.

Are you implying that parents who work outside of the home aren’t bringing up their children?

It's not work, it's being a parent.

@ufucoffee

I wouldn't call it work because parents who work full time do the same things on top of having jobs. I've been a SAHM and it was so easy compared to working full time with children

I agree.

I'll bite

Surely it depends on circumstances

One placid child = easy

Children with ASN, sleeping problems = hard work

Non demanding role near your house = easy

Stressful role and long commute = difficult

Lots of SAHM's around here, all living an easy life subsidised by a high earning husband. One of them advised me, quite seriously, to get a dog, as it would be difficult to justify staying at home otherwise. Wouldn't be my choice, but each to their own.

Bringing up decent humans is a pretty good purpose for me

Really? So your DH by going to work isn’t doing that too?

Millions of adults go to work, parent and run a home. You don’t need to be unemployed to do parent or clean the house.

@morepizza

**in order to achieve a purpose or result.

SAH parenting lacks that aspect of work-work, unless you count “the relentless slog towards getting to bedtime” as the result.**

Bringing up decent humans is a pretty good purpose for me.

You don't need to be a SAHP to bring up decent humans though.

Shall we kick off with MN SAHM bingo? Here goes -

“I do EVERYTHING you do AND work,”

“SAHM is not work as it has no intrinsic value to society - only your family.”

“You must be brain dead.”

“Just ‘get childcare’”

“It is not work because it is not paid and you are not contributing in tax.”

“What about when the children are at school? What about it, eh eh?”

“You are a poor role model.”

You are ‘funded by a man.’”

“Your husband will disrespect you / have an affair / turn into a MAMIL - or all of the above”

“You are financially vulnerable. You must be. End of.”

“You will NEVER work again.”

“Get a free half hour with a solicitor.”

Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

Would you leave a baby or toddler on their own, or do you feel a nanny or nursery worker would also be dicking around? But get paid admittedly not very much in the case of a nursery worker for it?

@switswoo81

I suppose anything that takes away from leisure is work However I'm finishing for the summer next week and I don't see spending the summer with my 3yo and 6yo as work. It's much easier than shopping and cleaning at the weekend, being terrified a bubble at school or crèche will pop (sahm have had this much easier this year) or making food for crèche and school and after-school at 10 o clock at night. I'm looking forward to the break!

Yah, see, I really don't see the appeal in all of this. I'd rather not work. All sounds so exhausting. I love that we can relax in the evenings and that weekends are free to do what we want with.

Being a SAHM is great!
It was so so hard when I had 3 under 3 Still don't know how I got through it all. But now they are all nearly school age it's so much easier and life is a bit of a breeze sometimes!
I do wonder what I'll do when they are all at school though.
This running around like a headless chicken thing doesn't sound fun at all!

Actually i dont think my husband did contribute as much as i did to things like my childs early development. It was me who painfully went through the whole bloody phonics scheme and those bloody chip biff and kipper books. Twice.

Believe me I'd rather a 12 hour shift then me a SAHM as it's bloody hard frigging work Jesus beyond me. Working then comin home to kids was so easy. Now all day with a baby and a toddler and 4 school runs I'm done in !!
So SAHM is the hardest job IMO

Try being a parent who works full time but still has to run the house and looks after kids too

Actually i dont think my husband did contribute as much as i did to things like my childs early development. It was me who painfully went through the whole bloody phonics scheme and those bloody chip biff and kipper books. Twice.

But he did facilitate it. And earning your familiy’s entire income to keep you fed, housed and secure is a pretty valuable contribution to your son isn’t it? Surely that’s a two way street? If he wasn’t working you wouldn’t be able to be a SAHM and therefore wouldn’t have had that kind of time to support your son with his reading.

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

DFOD