Absolutely not!
My ex once tried something similar - ONCE - very quickly learned not to try something so stupid again!
I never once had anyone babysit Dd that she and I didn't know very well.
My parents used to use people they phoned from a card in newsagents! We had some horrors - from just inexperienced to thieving to downright nasty though thankfully (more by luck than judgment) not abusive
No way in hell would I have done that to dd - or to myself peace or mind wise!
Given you don't have a regular sitter I'm going to guess you RARELY get to go out of an evening op? And that when you do he is a petulant prat?
His bloody sport can wait one night!
but you actually do know this person barely!
Then on this thread you have a husband who has taken the initiative and sorted out a perfectly reasonable childcare solution
Totally disagree
This is the perfect example of a DJ NOT stepping up on childcare and a stranger to the dc and barely known to the parents is NOT a suitable solution
Unfortunately those types do exist but it’s rare
Really not that rare. Certainly not that rare that someone with little experience with children wouldn't be able to cope with v young children without the potential at least for distressed children!
It's not essential he go out he's just being a sulky toddler! Rather than actually stepping up and being a supportive husband and father
'everyone' is someone's son or daughter, it means nothing.
Exactly!
It's also a really worrying example for such young children expecting them to trust and feel safe with a stranger!
what is the worst case scenario that could possibly happen here?
I can think of a fair few that are HORRIFYING
Does he ever look after the children alone?
I'm guessing extremely rarely if at all
He is a parent as much as you.
He's a shit one if he thinks this is sensible or acceptable!
Isn't this how most people start off with babysitters?
No, most people choose sitters they know and trust and they know their dc are comfortable with these days
You both really should have thought about this earlier. op did! Dh has moved the goalposts last min for an unnecessary reason
I can't believe people think this is ok
I'm truly genuinely shocked!
@rachelstriffle I'd be just as tough and just as shocked and just as critical if a woman were to do this nonsense
Why is his judgement of the neighbour not acceptable? because it's someone the parents barely know and who isn't known to the dc AT ALL. He isn't caring about providing safe childcare for his dc he is only focused on getting to do what he wants and not parenting them
A vagina isn't a DBS certificate.
Damn straight! And sexually predatory or criminally abusive behaviour is not the only concern!
DBS is not a guarantee either but there's been no effort at all here to ensure this is a suitable sitter
With anyone who babysat dd I felt confident she knew and liked them and they knew and liked her, knew her foibles and medical info, knew the area and how to handle an emergency...
There are so so many factors
You don't demand that your partner gives up his plans.
Jesus! Why the hell not?! His LAST MINUTE AND UNNECESSARY. Desire to do a sport comes way down the list of priorities here! The couple planned for op to be out, him to stay home and actually take care of his kids. No need for him to go out when you have kids and childcare has to be considered you need to plan more in advance.
20 year olds are not unsuitable babysitters.
Very much depends on the 20 year old. I've a lot of experience as a babysitter, nanny and childminder plus I'm an ex nurse so pretty sorted for emergencies
I know of plenty of 20 year olds, 20 somethings from when I was that age and up to an inc now who have no experience with children and would fly into a panic at the slightest hint of trouble let alone a genuine emergency
do you normally take the kids at work with you if you are so horrified about leaving them with someone else?
Using a nursery, or childminder or nanny is a completely different scenario plus this childcare has training, experience, dbs checks AND most parents arrange a settling in period with this type of childcare - I certainly did both as a a childcare provider and a parent, even the kids I babysat as a teen I knew them and their families well
Kids were always fine with them that's what my parents would have said - they were wrong
Aside from that one occasion where ex was an idiot! When we were together we either tag teamed or if going out together it was someone we knew well and dd knew and we trusted that babysat. After we split I had little to no support network so I simply didn't go out until i had built friendships and connections such that again I had sitters I knew and trusted. Ex when he had dc with 2nd wife by this point knew better than on the idiot occasion and they tag team or use trusted sitters. The 2nd wife was one of our sitters at one point (yea I know cliché) and actually in conversation at this time I told of the idiot occasion, she was not yet a mother and even then she was shocked and said he was an idiot!
My parents have never sat dd as they cannot be trusted. I had very very good reasons for making that decision (dad a creep, mum didn't believe it) dd is now an adult.
She was babysat by others I trusted and as she grew older she was able to confirm these sitters were good, kind, sensible people.
I may not have got everything right parenting wise who does, but this is pretty bloody basic in my eyes!
When I told them they were actually quite excited!
Children (thankfully) aren't aware of the potential issues parents should be. Plus it's one thing as an abstract idea it's quite another for a young child to wake to a complete stranger especially if eg they were having a nightmare or were taken ill
But you didn't mean THAT reverse did you? Women are always default carers, whether they're wives or neighbours.
Exactly!