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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unknown babysitter because DH wants to go out

303 replies

Rosieposie79 · 16/06/2021 11:23

I am not sure if I am being over cautious or whether other mums would think this okay.
I have to go out to a work event this eve - a very rare evening thing that has been in calender for months.
DH decided yesterday that weather was perfect for him to do his sport tonight. We don't have any local family or regular babysitter and without consulting me he has asked neighbours' daughter (in early 20s) to babysit our children (3 & 5). I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children. She would need to put them to bed because children would be home from afterschool club just before we both need to leave at 6pm.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable dumping young children with a stranger for bedtime when they would usually expect stories and cuddles with us. But there are also all the activities of bath time when I just feel it needs someone with a bit more experience to do this safely.
I just feel DH is being unreasonable and there will be lots of other opportunities to do his sport. He should just stay and look after kids as agreed.
He is having a big old sulk and thinks I am being overprotective.

OP posts:
khakiandcoral · 16/06/2021 19:25

Bizawit

don't be so rude and read the thread.

Some posters were talking about the babysitter meeting the children and playing with them with the parents around.

Ducksurprise · 16/06/2021 19:31

@kw1091

I get lots of babysitting work from an app called Bubble, parents review me and I review them my DBS is also on there. I have over 10 years experience and due to my career I am first aid trained etc. I insist on at least a phone call with new parents that book me for their peace of mind and mine. I totally understand it’s still leaving your child with a stranger but there’s insurance through the app as well as the reviews etc. I’d really recommend it in your situation.
Normally I'd agree, but she doesn't have a situation, she just needs her dh to put the children first.
CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 16/06/2021 19:35

Yanbu.

My 5 year old would not be comfortable being babysat for by a stranger and at 3 she was super clingy and wouldn’t have managed it.

I’d not be happy with a stranger babysitting either. I’d be fine with a 20 something neighbour doing it but only after getting to know them a bit first and ensuring the kids likes them.

TopTabby · 16/06/2021 19:39

Kids have to have a stranger at bedtime because dad would rather play golf, go on a bike ride or whatever. Nice dad.
I feel a bit sorry for the dc of posters that think this is fine tbh.

I feel sorry for the women who have been brainwashed and don't dare doing anything, study, hobby, sport because of people talking nonsense like you are and shaming anyone who has a life while being a parent.

@rachelstriffle What the hell are you on about?? Let's be honest that's a bit of a leapGrin
I do all of the above, I just wouldn't prioritise it over a 3 & 5 year old's needs when it was just a hobby. I think that is shameful tbh & not nonsense at all.

Macncheeseballs · 16/06/2021 20:18

One night isn't going to hurt them

kw1091 · 16/06/2021 20:38

By situation I meant not having family nearby etc. I agree her husband should be putting the kids to bed

Lampzade · 16/06/2021 20:47

I think some posters are missing the point.
Op’s dh is putting his desire to participate in his hobby before the needs of Op.
Presumably, he is aware that his wife would not be happy with an unknown babysitter looking after their young kids.
He couldn’t even let his dw go out for one sodding night and have peace of mind.
He’s selfish

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/06/2021 20:50

We always used to get someone from DCs nursery / after school club so it’s a familiar face who is qualified. They supervise bedtime but we would just give bath time a miss.

fourandnomore · 16/06/2021 20:53

I am absolutely stunned by the number of people saying they’d be fine with this, for so many reasons this would be an absolute no from me and my kids are older than this. Not fair on the kids, or the babysitter. Also your husband is being ridiculous.

Mummadeze · 16/06/2021 21:01

Personally I would use an agency like Sitters.com instead. All the sitters have good references and have worked a lot with children.

Geppili · 16/06/2021 21:27

Your husband is at fault here.

FreakinFrankNFurter · 16/06/2021 21:42

YANBU. Sounds like she will be a good option for future babysitting but I wouldn’t be happy about her doing so when she hadn’t met the DC before.

We’ve recently found a local babysitter for DS7 and we made sure she came round on an earlier occasion so he could meet her. He is 7 so with 3 and 5 year olds I would definitely want them to meet first

Blossomtoes · 16/06/2021 21:49

@Mummadeze

Personally I would use an agency like Sitters.com instead. All the sitters have good references and have worked a lot with children.
Still strangers though - which is apparently the issue.
Use627 · 16/06/2021 21:51

Absolutely would never dream of leaving my children with someone they didn't know. Your dh is being unreasonable as you had plans first.

Use627 · 16/06/2021 21:53

So shocked at the amount of people that would happily leave their children alone with someone the children didn't know?? Poor kids, doesn't sound much fun for them does it. Weird set up in my opinion

AnneElliott · 16/06/2021 21:59

I wouldn't be happy with this. Can he not put the kids to bed and then go and do the hobby? That way it should be easier on the kids as they won't know she's there unless they wake up?

Della1 · 16/06/2021 22:02

No way would I leave my children with someone they don’t know. Not a chance!

khakiandcoral · 16/06/2021 22:02

@Use627

So shocked at the amount of people that would happily leave their children alone with someone the children didn't know?? Poor kids, doesn't sound much fun for them does it. Weird set up in my opinion
not every child is shy and clingy, some little children actually enjoy the opportunity to play and be with someone else.

It would be pretty obvious if a little one was that upset and unable to settle. Never happened in all the years I was the babysitter!

Never had to come and meet the children in advance either.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 16/06/2021 22:04

If you know the neighbours I wouldn't worry at all as they will be right next door to help in the unlikely even that something goes wrong. Also, skip bath time!

Bizawit · 16/06/2021 22:24

not every child is shy and clingy, some little children actually enjoy the opportunity to play and be with someone else.

My toddler is not shy and clingy. She’s super friendly and loves to play with all sorts of new people.
She would be very stressed, however, by a complete stranger settling her down to bed for the night and quite rightly so! Little people have boundaries too.

khakiandcoral · 16/06/2021 22:29

Bizawit

OK, but lucky for me, I never had to look after such a stressed child.

Even the little ones who had an unknown babysitter (me) for the very first time.

It's very unusual. Or maybe the parent find it reassuring to imagine their child could not settle with anyone else?

Bizawit · 16/06/2021 22:38

@khakiandcoral

Bizawit

OK, but lucky for me, I never had to look after such a stressed child.

Even the little ones who had an unknown babysitter (me) for the very first time.

It's very unusual. Or maybe the parent find it reassuring to imagine their child could not settle with anyone else?

I can’t speak for your experience. I guess it depends on the age of the child and their family set up? It may also depend on how the child expresses themselves. Some children may be fearful / uncomfortable but wiley enough realise that making a fuss is unlikely to be helpful.

Have you regularly put 3 year olds you have never met before to bed?

pigeonpocket · 16/06/2021 22:42

I don't understand why some people seem to be perfectly OK with leaving their very young children with a stranger (to the kids).
Would you be fine sending your kids for 4 hours to nursery or preschool at age 3 with no settling in session, and leaving them in the care of someone they've never met before? And at least that would be someone with experience of childcare and with relevant dbs checks.

It's not like it's an emergency which would be different. It's so her DH can do his hobby.

khakiandcoral · 16/06/2021 22:44

Bizawit

I did babysitting since I was 14, and it's the only job I had (aside summer months) when I was at Uni - basically paid to study, ideal for a broke student Grin

I did meet children from any age, much younger than 3.
Never had a problem with any of them. I would have called the parents if someone had been so upset!

The one person who is usually stressed about leaving the child for the very first time is the mother in my (limited) experience.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/06/2021 22:47

@Rosieposie79 are you coming back

Or have too many posters said hubby was a selfish prick etx