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AIBU?

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Original poster

To use ‘Rose’ as middle name for my rainbow baby?

229 replies

Qu33nSt3ph13 · 16/06/2021 10:05

I lost my precious first born Ella-Rose October last year, now 22 weeks with our rainbow baby boy!

Would Rose work as his middle name? Please be nice, but don’t feel obliged to say yes just because of the situation :-)

Thanks

OP posts:
Microwaveableteapot · 16/06/2021 11:45

It's also worth considering that if you do go with that name and he's bullied because of it (sadly likely I think) how you'll feel if he comes to you declaring it that he hates it and he wants to get rid of it? Is there a chance it could feel to you like he's rejecting Ella-Rose and his link to her? If he angrily says he never knew her and doesn't care about her?

Also a small risk that he's really proud of it and loves the connection, and as a five year old takes to bounding up to perfect strangers saying "I'm Ezekial Rose, and I was named after my dead sister!" Would you feel comfortable having random people know about that and potentially having to deal with their awkwardness about it?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/06/2021 11:46

May I ask - what is a "Rainbow baby"

Thanks

AnnabelC · 16/06/2021 11:47

We used to know a guy called Bud. He was a lovely chap. Could be a first or middle name. Congratulations btw.

OrchestraOfWankery · 16/06/2021 11:48

Ross? Near enough but male.

2bazookas · 16/06/2021 11:49

I'd hesitate to give any child a name they have to spend a lifetime explaining to/ spelling out for strangers/bureaucrats. It would be awful if having her name came to be secretly resented, a nuisance.

How about Ellis, or Ross ? That would be a loving link but also respects your daughter and son as separate and individual.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/06/2021 11:50

@SchadenfreudePersonified

May I ask - what is a "Rainbow baby"

Thanks

A rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn, or neonatal death
Nats1984 · 16/06/2021 11:50

Use Thorn? It’s a cool boys name that always makes you think of Rose?

SoMuchForSummerLove · 16/06/2021 11:51

The thing is, people will naturally be drawn to ask why his middle name is Rose.

Do you really want him having to constantly explain?

I totally get the instinct, but I think it'd be kinder not to.

Why don't you add Rose to your name? That would be a lovely personal way to keep the connection.

TableDesk · 16/06/2021 11:55

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Rainbow baby aside... Boy named Sue springs to mind.

What about Ross? Rossa? Rossi?

ChristinaXYZ · 16/06/2021 11:56

I've lost a baby too and it is heart breaking. I am so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't use Rose though. Too much for a boy to handle. He'll not only have the bullying re a girl's name but also constantly have to explain he has a deceased sister. when they did a lesson on families (and this happens a lot) my second child would come home crying. you don't want to add to this.

How about buying a beautiful rose - or a whole border of them - a rose with a masculine name and then use that name for your boy's middle name? There are roses named after men.

How about this

www.worldofroses.com/products/227/the-captain-tom-rose

you could use the name Tom then and keep the association in your heart with the roses without putting any emotional weight directly on your boy.

It is a simple name, hard to dislike, and Captain Tom has been such a positive light over the time around your pregnancy that it has a kind of completeness.

There are lots of others if you don't like Tom.

The other nice thing with roses is that you can keep coming back to the plant for family occasions. Wear a corsage of them long into the future when your boy gets married or on significant wedding anniversaries. It is a gesture that could stay with you for your whole life.

LittleTiger007 · 16/06/2021 11:56

A definite no from me too because if the reasons given. He is his own person and shouldn’t have a name that reminds him that he replaced a sadly lost child. Plus girls names for a boy are a hard cross to bear in childhood.
We lost a baby boy last year, had a girl this month. She will know of him and his names, but personally I wouldn’t have burdened her with one of his names.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/06/2021 11:57

@Qu33nSt3ph13

Alright so my other idea is him having the same initials.

Because we like the name Ezekiel, so what about an R middle name? Or is that a no go too…. Thanks 😊

I have an Ezekiel so I'm biased that it's a yes for that one

What about Ross? Or Roy?

EmeraldShamrock · 16/06/2021 11:59

but have you thought about Ray for a middle name?

A ray of light comes after a storm. It's what makes the rainbow. I think it's a bright, hopeful
That is a lovely name with the explanation behind it.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 16/06/2021 11:59

Please don’t. You will always remember little Ella-Rose with love. Your new baby is a whole new person, who may be uncomfortable with a girls name and with this link to a sister he never knew. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope all goes well.

Gringlewald · 16/06/2021 12:00

You could do some research into different rose varieties - there will definitely be one with a boy’s name in. Off the top of my head I know of a beautiful red rose called ‘Uncle Walter’ - Google it, it’s lovely.

Lauz841 · 16/06/2021 12:00

I would say definitely no. Rose is an obviously feminine name, and when he has to tell people his full official name (including in front of everyone at his wedding) he will have to tell everyone his middle name is Rose. That will undoubtedly lead to questions/mocking as to why you named him that, leading him to retell the story of his sister who passed. That’s too much to put onto a boy who unfortunately never even met his sister. I agree with previous posters, maybe choose a name that resembles it, like Roe, but not Rose. I am so sorry for your loss though. X

IntermittentParps · 16/06/2021 12:00

It's cruel Hmm

Rose is just the girliest name I can think of so your son really wouldn’t thank you. Would he not? I'm interested in how you know.
Like in Friends where Chandler is embarrassed that his middle name is Muriel! Oh, that happened in Friends; the case rests then, eh.

Honestly.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 16/06/2021 12:01

How about buying a beautiful rose - or a whole border of them - a rose with a masculine name and then use that name for your boy's middle name? There are roses named after men.

That’s a good idea. So is Ray.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/06/2021 12:04

Oh - thank you @AryaStarkWolf - I appreciate you explaining it for me.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/06/2021 12:04

I don't mean anything hurtful by this - but Rose is for you to remember, not for your son to carry through his life. Why can't he just have his own name?
And I have two "rainbow" children myself, in case I come across as totally insensitive.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 16/06/2021 12:05

I love your idea of initials ER. Subtle and meaningful. Ezekiel is lovely and the meaning is brilliant too.

What other R names are you thinking of?

I think Rose is too much on a boy, and also - it's HER name. It's taken. You will still use it for her, especially since it's hyphenated and part of her first name.

helpmebeanadult · 16/06/2021 12:06

"There are a gazillion different roses with different names - a quick google search came up with ones called Lincoln, Joseph and Eden - so what about picking a name from a rose as a link?"

This is a great idea. Congratulations OP and sorry for your loss.

NewlyGranny · 16/06/2021 12:06

Not unless you want him to spend his life explaining why, and feeling he was a replacement, sadly.

He needs his own names.

fafadebelem · 16/06/2021 12:06

What about Rose spelled backwards? Like Esor, or scrambled up like Roes? Or Esro?

Mama1980 · 16/06/2021 12:07

I love the idea of initials as a subtle but present link.
Or Eros, or Ambrose might work as alternatives?
I am sorry for you loss and wish you all the best with your pregnancy.