to be a little disappointed at what DD said

[Tradwifedd]

I was talking to DD (17 next week) today and the topic of children came up. DD said she wanted to get married relatively young and give up work and raise children. When I asked further she said she wouldn’t mind cooking and cleaning for her future DH if he earned all the money. I know DD is allowed to lead her own life but Aibu to be a little bit disappointed that she seems to be so 1950s?

Well she has time to change her mind yet! Surely the main concept of Feminism is to be able to choose wisely ,whether to be a SAHM or continue working? There is a world of difference between say having a degree ,and being a trained Teacher or Nurse/Doctor than having a limited education and little choice ?

How sad that people regard marriage/partnership as something that will fall apart. In a good partnership you are mutually dependent on each other. My dh is the main earner, I work part time after being a SAHM. It's not HIS money, it's our money. I've recently inherited a fair bit of money, again it's not MY money, it's our money. We are a team.

And leaving aside the financial aspect, I think some people are way over-invested in their jobs/careers. Lots of people do enjoy their jobs but here's the thing - if you were run over by a bus tomorrow you would be replaced quite easily. You might love your career but it's not going to love you back. And the job you do has no bearing in what you are like as a person.

Maybe women, and quite possibly men too, feel pressure to have a high flying career when they don't actually want to?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting children and wanting to look after them yourself. However, I would point out to your DD that the time the average U.K. women spends looking after young children is very short in terms of the time between leaving school and retirement, so it would be a good idea to plan what she is going to do for the rest of the time!

@bendmeoverbackwards

How sad that people regard marriage/partnership as something that will fall apart. In a good partnership you are mutually dependent on each other. My dh is the main earner, I work part time after being a SAHM. It's not HIS money, it's our money. I've recently inherited a fair bit of money, again it's not MY money, it's our money. We are a team.

And leaving aside the financial aspect, I think some people are way over-invested in their jobs/careers. Lots of people do enjoy their jobs but here's the thing - if you were run over by a bus tomorrow you would be replaced quite easily. You might love your career but it's not going to love you back. And the job you do has no bearing in what you are like as a person.

Maybe women, and quite possibly men too, feel pressure to have a high flying career when they don't actually want to?

How sad that people regard marriage/partnership as something that will fall apart.

If there was a slightly short of 1 in 2 chance that something would happen, would you find it 'sad' to consider the ramifications before it occurred?

It's not HIS money, it's our money.

Sure, while you remain a 'team'. But being economically dependent on someone who only wants to support you financially as long as you're in a relationship with is a pretty unstable basis for an individual's finances.

You might love your career but it's not going to love you back. And the job you do has no bearing in what you are like as a person.

Wrong on both counts. I'd do what I do whether or not I was paid to do it. On my deathbed, I will definitely want to have done as much of it as possible.

The happiest mums I know, and I say mums as it is almost mums, are those that have the choice.
For me it’s choice vs no choice rather that SAHP v WOHP.
I work because I enjoy working, earn a decent amount (low 6 figures) and having a career, even though my husband earns about 3 times what I do and there is no real financial obligation to work. I think knowing I could give up anytime I want to makes life a lot nicer.
But I do agree that being married to a wealthy man who can support you is nice position to be in. My mum friends who are at home have a great life, children are in school so life is about coffee, gym/tennis/PTs and long boozy lunches. It’s not bad at all. I did it for a while myself and could see myself doing it again at some point or certainly a few days a week.
So do I blame your daughter? Actually no. And not that difficult to do if she is mixing in wealthy circles…

…But tell her to have a back up plan.

Possibly better than wanting to be on Only Fans.

If there was a slightly short of 1 in 2 chance that something would happen, would you find it 'sad' to consider the ramifications before it occurred?

If those are the odds I must be living in some sort of parallel universe. I can only think of one couple who have divorced out of our friends going back 20 odd years. Pretty much most of my dd's friends parents are still together.

Yes it's good to be prepared for the unfortunate possibility of divorce but to start a relationship with such a negative attitude might well become a self fulfilling prophecy. The amount of times I've seen on here and elsewhere the suggestion to end a relationship over minor things, or people meet someone else who is younger/funnier/richer/more emotional/less emotional etc. The grass is always greener or so it seems. I'm not saying people don't work on their marriages; I'm hoping the majority would but there does seem to be this attitude of upping sticks when things get tough.

@Overitallnow

Possibly better than wanting to be on Only Fans.

There's that. Or a YouTuber, playing pranks on people in supermarkets for money!

She's young - don't park too much attention! I said the same aged 18-23 - now I have a successful career!

• Yellowirises As another poster has said downthread - all of the skills used as a SAHM have financial value in the workplace; caring for children, cleaning, administration, teaching etc. But heaven forbid a woman chooses to make that investment in her family rather than earning money for those skills.

Some of us do both

You can't do both 100% of the time.

It's a lie that we can 'have it all'*

Of course not, that would be a physical impossibility. I work full time which is 20% of a week and gives me complete financial independence and extra stimulation. The other 80% I parent, teach, clean for, feed my family and spend quality time. I sleep for some of that time of course, as do SAHP. I have the best of all worlds.

Introduce her to Mumsnet OP!

I always always wanted to be a young mum but obviously didn't understand what being a parent entailed. I even started ttcing with my ex at age 20! That wasn't successful (thank God!) Last year I started using Mumsnet, I'm 25 and have no children, but I enjoy Mumsnet and my God it has changed my perspective! I am now very content with waiting to have children and know exactly what kind of man I want and the financial position I'd like to be in before that happens. I've also become more of a feminist and refuse to be anything but equal with my future partner.