To hate having to work after the kids have gone to bed

[polexiaaphrodesia]

Another evening of putting the DC (5&2) to bed and then logging back on to my work laptop to finish off a load of work I havent managed to get done during the day because I finish at 5pm to do the school and nursery run.

It's hot, I'm tired and I thoroughly resent DH who does the school drop off in the morning for DS, gets to his desk for 8.45am, pops out of his office for dinner at 6.30pm and then like a bloody meerkat dives back into his office to work until all the bathtime and general getting kids to bed fuckery is over. And then announces he's off to the gym as he's finished work for the day while I log back on.

I take DD to nursery for 8am, get home at 8.10am then work until 5.15pm when I pick up both kids, bring them home, make dinner, bath, bed etc then back at the bloody laptop again. We are both fairly senior in our roles and working over contracted hours is considered par for the course but I am getting very annoyed that he only has to do 1/4 of the school and nursery runs, gets to do his work in one uninterrupted chunk, gets dinner made for him and then misses bedtime as he's working.

It's the same for every bloody man in my team as well - they all have someone at home picking up the slack so don't have to work late into the evenings and do nice stuff for them like cycling or going to the gym etc. Just me and all the other mums in my team online at 8.30pm doing the "mum shift" trying to keep our careers alive.

Sorry, rant over. I know I need to speak to DH who will start going on about his promotion for the good of the family and how it means he needs needing to be on calls at 6pm so can't get the kids but flexible working isn't really as great as everyone makes out for women. We're flexing but we're online at night while the men are having their down time.

@TheKeatingFive

My son goes to after-school club until 6pm which is £15 per day

Not everyone has after school provision until 6pm available to them. Is that not obvious?

Absolutely. Where I live there is zero wraparound care and no childminders with availability to do school drop offs/pick ups. Luckily I've a genuinely flexible job and friends I can do childcare swaps with.

This entire thread is a reminder of why I never want to work in the private sector. My earning potential may be much lower but at least my work is human centred rather than £££ centred.

My earning potential may be much lower but at least my work is human centred rather than £££ centred.

You know, I don’t find the £££ centred thing to be a negative actually. And I’m not particularly highly paid either. I worked in the public sector when I was much younger and would hate to go back to it. For my personality type, what I do now, in the private sector, is a much better fit.

Realise my last paragraph is a bit twattish. I know some people don't really have much choice regarding where or how they work, and if you live in an expensive area and you're a single parent or wanting to leave a useless dp you've got to have a higher earning potential. What I meant was that kind of work, that way of working, just seems really depressing to me. We spend a huge chunk of our lives in work, what a way to live our lives, there must be better options? Everyone has the right to good work, good conditions, a liveable life surely?

@TheKeatingFive

My earning potential may be much lower but at least my work is human centred rather than £££ centred.

You know, I don’t find the £££ centred thing to be a negative actually. And I’m not particularly highly paid either. I worked in the public sector when I was much younger and would hate to go back to it. For my personality type, what I do now, in the private sector, is a much better fit.

Fair enough. I can think of a few friends actually it better suits come to think of it. Different strokes and all that. It just definitely doesn't suit me! I would rather work in a worker owned cooperative or third sector.

Although I'm intrigued keating, are you expected to do loads of unpaid overtime like op?

What I meant was that kind of work, that way of working, just seems really depressing to me.

I can see how it looks like that from the outside.

However it might be different if it’s something you’re really interested in, are ambitious to make your mark within, surrounded by engaged and motivated colleagues and have a supportive company culture.

I love what I do, really enjoy helping my clients and care about my company doing well. The balance of work can be hard to strike, but over the years I have found better ways of doing this. It’s at its hardest now with small children, but it will get better.

Although I'm intrigued keating, are you expected to do loads of unpaid overtime like op?

Yup. But equally sometimes I do less. I have a lot of flexibility.

For lots of us it simply isn't possible to survive on lower salaries, especially as a single parent if you don't want to rely on benefits and own your own home.

So as lovely as it would be to have a 'meaningful' job at a charity or somewhere similar it just wouldn't pay the bills.

I know quite a few people who work for charities and in some, the working culture is absolutely shocking.

In one in particular, it is outright exploitation. These were people on less than 20K, in London, expected to work absolutely crazy hours - even dropping their own social events at the last minute to pick up the pieces of things. All justified because it was a charity.

Definitely not a bed of roses either.

You have a dh problem and need to address that. My dh earns double my pay but still does drops off every day as he is wfh. I do pick ups on my day off as I work part time. I am pregnant though, not passed my test yet and have found the uphill walk a struggle lately as my feet and ankles swell so dh kindly offered to pick the kids up too. We aren't in careers we here we need to do lots of extra hours as standard though. He occasionally logs on in the evening iqf he has a deadline to meet and I will do dinner bath and bed. If I need to do some extra learning then he will sort the kids out. We are a team and I would not tolerate anything less.

You've talked with him and he has gone on the defensive which isn't any good to you. Are you going to keep putting up with this or do something about it? Can you use the 50% extra he earns towards making your life easier?