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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really hate DH working from home?

232 replies

manysummersago · 15/06/2021 18:01

I’m sure I’m not the only one struggling with this.

He is sat in the dining room 830-6 every weekday. He seems to take more space than he actually does.

I hate feeling that he’s listening to everything I do and say. It just feels like I can never just be!

OP posts:

covidandborisandworld · 15/06/2021 20:09

It's perfectly possible to
Like your husband and not want to see him every single minute

I feel your pain OP

LadySilence · 15/06/2021 20:09

@manysummersago totally hear you, and I'm not even in all day! I work out of the flat all day, dp works in the bedroom at home. I'm massively struggling with never having the flat to myself as he's always here. I need time to myself and he never goes out! Sadly no sign of returning to the office any time soon 😫

starfishmummy · 15/06/2021 20:11

@manysummersago

The problem is that I never have the house to myself. But never mind.

I understand.

The other week dh did have to go to an in lerson meeting and dh was back at college after shielding. It was wonderful!! But short lived.

Original poster

manysummersago · 15/06/2021 20:11

I’m just ignoring comments like that, it’s an attempt to provoke I think.

Of course I like him, and love him in fact. He is a good man, a thoroughly decent human being and a gentle, kind husband and father who is also very useful when electrical appliances stop working or cars won’t start.

But. I did not picture maternity leave being like this!

OP posts:

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 15/06/2021 20:14

I totally get you OP. I love my husband and enjoy his company but I've been very frustrated with him being here every minute of the day for over a year. He also has MH issues so it isn't the easiest living situations but lockdown has definitely exacerbated things.

Little things like, not being able to sit quietly, alone, ever. Him hearing innocuous comments or a phone call and asking about them. Trying to intervene with parenting battles (yes he's absolutely trying to help but sometimes you just want to deal with it and don't want to have to explain everything to someone else to make a judgement).

Perhaps it's hard to explain to someone who doesn't feel that way. I only realised how introverted I was when we we had to lockdown and it didn't really affect my happiness or day to day routine very much at all (to begin with!).

KeepingTrack · 15/06/2021 20:16

@1forAll74

You have to learn to live with this, do you not like your Husband ?

Nothing to do with loving DH or not.

It’s about space, not being together all the time, being able to get some privacy.

To give you an example.
DH was at PIL this WE. I stayed at home for an online conference.
DH came back before it was finished, caught one sentence, misinterpreted it and started to comment/joke.
It’s the same each time I have a call for my own business. Or for myself. Or if i have friends over. There is always a listening ear and no privacy.

And yes the atmosphere is different too. Can’t put my own music, have lunch when it suits me. It has to fit around his meetings etc…

HarrisMcCoo · 15/06/2021 20:17

@gabsdot45

My dh works from home. He has a home office in a cabin in the garden. I still yearn for the pre covid days when he actually went out for the day. It drives me mad when he pops in asking what I have planned for lunch..

Now that question really grinds my gears!

Original poster

manysummersago · 15/06/2021 20:19

Trying to intervene with parenting battles (yes he's absolutely trying to help but sometimes you just want to deal with it and don't want to have to explain everything to someone else to make a judgement

So much this.

OP posts:

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 15/06/2021 20:20

Think the whole WFH situation meant people can no longer make out they are crazy busy all day. (Or I'm sure revealed that they are busy!)

No where to hide anymore! 😕

maddening · 15/06/2021 20:21

"Nesbo

Funnily enough when you’re the one WFH full time you also don’t get to luxuriate in calm space and alone time whilst you eat chocolate and watch crap tv and just feel the sense of freedom that comes from having the home to yourself.

My heart will bleed as I play a lament on my tiniest of violins!"

Wouldn't have put it quite like this, but totally agree.

HollowTalk · 15/06/2021 20:22

Do you have the money/space for a garden office?

I'd be incredibly pissed off - your living space has been turned into his office.

LadySilence · 15/06/2021 20:23

Yes it's certainly been eye opening how little dp can do in a day! He's still snoozing while I'm leaving for work every morning and is often having a little nap when I get back!

Original poster

manysummersago · 15/06/2021 20:25

Yes DH definitely has a certain amount of flexibility shall we say!

OP posts:

LadyJaye · 15/06/2021 20:29

I agree, OP.

I have WFH for the better part of the last five years or so (I'm the higher earner in the household) and I have a dedicated office which is mine.

OH has been WFH for the last year - he has his own set up in the front room, we have closed doors and space between the two areas etc - but I JUST WANT HIM TO GTF OUT OF THE HOUSE.

He's very sociable and is used to colleagues in an open-plan office, coffee, lunch etc. He's lonely, and I don't blame him.

I, on the other hand, don't do sharing my space (which is why I have been a remote worker for so many years pre-COVID), and it's deeply, deeply annoying.

WaverleyPirate · 15/06/2021 20:30

Mine full on retired!

Mostly love it as we can do lots together now, but I empathise with the munching / chopping elaborate salads comment.

HairyHocks · 15/06/2021 20:33

I'm totally with you OP, it's not easy effectively living in someone's workplace all the time.

Original poster

manysummersago · 15/06/2021 20:35

@HairyHocks

I'm totally with you OP, it's not easy effectively living in someone's workplace all the time.

I think this is what it is. It’s like spending maternity leave in an office. A lovely, friendly office but still an office.

OP posts:

frumpety · 15/06/2021 20:37

DH worked from home for over ten years, I really sympathise with you OP, your home stops feeling like your home for 5 days a week. I worked shifts so not 9-5 Monday to Friday, so my days off were spent trying to fit noisy chores inbetween his conference calls or having to keep children quiet or out of the house.
Before he wfh he used to commute 30 minutes away, so if he had a bad day, it was out of his system by the time he got home ( he might have a 5 minute chunter ), when he wfh he used to come downstairs and rant at me about it.
He also couldn't possibly do any of the drop offs or pick ups except under extreme sufferance, as he was 'working' , unlike all of his colleagues who managed to do it, I used to overhear him lying to them about it !

Twinkie01 · 15/06/2021 20:39

I'm with you OP. I work 3 mornings a week sometimes at home sometimes out of the house but he's here all the time, it's just having another person in the house all the time, he does the washing, makes me drinks, even does the majority of school runs but I miss the emptiness and silence. Doing everything and then just sitting in peace and quiet!

(And I'm a few weeks oldest DS will be back from school moaning about sandwich fillings and sports kit not being washed and expecting bloody lifts everywhere).

Roll on September when schools are back and he's back to the office, but only 2 or 3 days a week 😬

DolphinFC · 15/06/2021 20:41

Christ some men can't do right for doing wrong.

Perish the thought that a man should work long hours to support his family and then make it worse by doing that in his own house.

One post actually says 'banish him to a bedroom."

Christ on bike some wives are awful.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/06/2021 20:47

I get you.
I hate the working bit of DHs WFH days.

We also have no spare room or office room. He starts at 8am, during the time I'm sorting kids breakfasts, lunches, uniform etc. In the same room.
Then it's phone calls all day, wittering on in acronyms. Loudly.

Endless cups of tea.

Then o have to take the kids out after school.

If I'm lucky he's finished by 6pm. Or it could be much later.

It's like living in the office. Not them working at home.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/06/2021 20:48

Christ on bike some wives are awful

And some men have no consideration for other people in the house. As a PP said it's like being in someone else's office which is a hard situation. I imagine people on this thread aren't talking about partners who get on with their work in a spare room /office/designated space but are finding the constant loud phone calls, wandering to and from rooms with phone in hand (usually on speaker phone) like Dom Joly and working in the main living space really testing.

frumpety · 15/06/2021 20:48

@DolphinFC mine worked from the bedroom by choice, mean't he could have a little nap if he wanted, didn't need to get changed out of his jogging bottoms and t-shirt ensemble, so win win for him

Brefugee · 15/06/2021 20:49

I’m on maternity leave.

so swap then. Poor guy, it absolutely sucks working at home and then you have someone giving out bad vibes because they don't get time to themselves?

Christmasfairy2020 · 15/06/2021 20:53

Get a desk in your bedroom

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