To really hate DH working from home?

[manysummersago]

I’m sure I’m not the only one struggling with this.

He is sat in the dining room 830-6 every weekday. He seems to take more space than he actually does.

I hate feeling that he’s listening to everything I do and say. It just feels like I can never just be!

I hear you sister!!
Dh will never be going back to the office.

I hear you OP. Mine works in a study upstairs. Ought to be fine. But he is talking loudly on calls ALL day and the house never feels peaceful. Plus I can’t yell for my child to come because his colleagues will hear me, my child can’t play with friends in his room upstairs cos he’ll be heard on calls, etc.
But the bit that reeeeeally gets me is when I’ve finally cooked kids’ breakfast and pasta & veggies for packed lunch, walked child to school, walked back, cleared everything in kitchen, put laundry and dishwasher on and sat down for first time in 3 hrs, at which point DH will inevitably appear, dump a load of dirty cups and laundry around kitchen, then wander off muttering ‘I wish I could sit around doing nothing all day’

My DH has taken over the dining room too. I am wfh but upstairs in a bedroom. As he is partially deaf even with all doors closed I can hear his constant calls, teams meetings etc.
I gently enquired earlier when he is going back to the office, and he has no idea.
I miss my quiet day off when I could drink pints of coffee whilst watching rubbish tv and ironing.

I am not speaking to DH today bcos he made himself a sandwich and did not clewr up the mess....grrr. He has always worked from the office so having him at home all day every day is so annoying.

OK, well then you need to banish him to the spare bedroom. It's not ideal but it will be an improvement on him being in your face all day every day.

I feel you as also on mat leave with DP WFH. It's my second mat leave and it's so different - instead of lounging around, playing with baby and going to baby groups I only have the hours big child is at preschool to focus on baby, and because partner is home I feel like I should be doing more obviously useful things like washing/cleaning/food prep, so I feel like I hardly look at the poor baby! I always feel "on". Back when we both worked in the office I sometimes used to come home at lunchtime (5 mins walk away) just to have some time in the house by myself; or sometimes he'd go out of an evening and I'd get some time on my own. Now we're together ALL THE TIME and while it has de obvious upsides - spare pair of hands with baby, he's spending so much more time with her than he did the first etc - I absolutely CRAVE solitude, to be unobserved. Not going back to the office either (our work want us to stay home for the foreseeable as cost saving) so this is pretty much it now. He loves it. I really, REALLY don't.

Me too.
Loud calls all day. As soon as I get in from work he comes to tell me all about his work. He’s working many more hours than being in work so sometimes he will bring the laptop downstairs at finishing time and carry on in front of the TV for another few hours. It’s also the low level mess from him being home all day.
When I’m home and he’s working I also have to be quiet.
He doesn’t really go out as he’s ECV and still being careful.

skys how did you not kill him!?

Yes this is it, I actually got rid of him for a few days last month and it was so nice to feel I could stay in my pyjamas, eat crisps, watch crap telly!

He’s never made me feel bad for this but that complete relaxation just isn’t there.,plus it does affect things, like today he’s working late but hasn’t bothered to let me know since he’s there which I get but it did mean I was sat in the lounge like a muppet!

My husband and son both work from home ...admittedly not downstairs but I absolutely hate never having the house to myself!! I feel that I have to be quiet and stop the dog from yapping. Also feel that I just cannot relax .

I’m so relieved so many of you are hearing me - it’s had me feeling a bit cross and grouchy today. I’ve been unable to get out as much due to the heat and it’s a pain. Lockdown was a nightmare!

He can’t be in the living room - if you are on Mat leave that is your space for you and kids. Shift him to the bedroom... awkward after all this time but can you just say you need space for you and kids ie your work

The problem is he’s always said to just get on with what I’m doing, no one minds nursery rhymes or crying babies or whatever, but it’s not the point. It’s hard to explain, just the feeling of not being able to totally relax I think!

Epic drip feed re mat leave!

He should be in a bedroom. Whose idea was it for him to be in the open plan living area?!

Epic drip feed my arse! It was on the first page and it’s hardly vital info like ‘and I have a hearing impairment so I rely on speakers booming out’!

OP, I Feel you. I work from home and I hate being here all the time because I feel like I can't properly relax and I feel like neither can DH - he works out but not 9-5 and during lockdown was furloughed. I work upstairs in our bedroom (loft) so at least there's no mutual disturbance. But we are both happier now that I can occasionally go work in a coffee shop or something and have a few trips into town planned so he can be at home alone and I get time at home alone while he's at work. Such a relief.

I completely get this OP. DH works the days I don't work and we're both WFH. On the days I'm not working, he's so shitting loud on the phone. And then when DH does appear it's a crap tonne of glasses and mugs left on the side, and he sorts himself lunch, complains about work and then goes back to shouting on the phone. It does my head in.

I get you @manysummersago.
Same setup here. DH is on the dining table. Downstairs is open plan. No spare bedroom or space in the bedroom.

He is regularly in meetings so I have to be careful of how much noise I make.
But if I want a private conversation (eg ringing the GP, counsellor) I can’t do that in private. Can’t really have a friend over either.

I’m looking forward to him going back to the office, at least part time.

DH and I both wfh, always have, even before Covid. It’s just not a big deal.

He does however need a dedicated workspace. He goes to “work” and mentally he is there and you ignore him and he ignores you.

It must be hard, you must feel like you’re always at work. The commute is good though!

@MerryDecembermas

Epic drip feed re mat leave!

He should be in a bedroom. Whose idea was it for him to be in the open plan living area?!

ML or not it’s still a massive pain tbh. I don’t think the fact the OP is on ML changes a lot of things.

It doesn’t at all. I could be a SAHM or work part time, be signed off sick, shift worker. I STILL never get to just be.

I have to lol at all the people who say he should have a work space separated and can’t be taking over the dining room/living space.

Not everyone has that choice. It’s even harder when there are two people WFH (as I am).

I'm working in our dining room and am blissfully unaware of what everyone else in the house is doing or saying unless they actually come and talk to me. When I'm working, that is what I concentrate on.

I totally get you!

@manysummersago I feel your pain, same open plan set up and i was on maternity last year. It drove me mad, he also never went out in the evenings or weekends. I felt like I couldn't just be, and I spent all free time from baby when they were napping cleaning or being productive so things were 'fair'. I think if you are someone who likes your own space then having your partner come and work in the home is really difficult to manage. It made me feel like I was slowly suffocating.