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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen and end of year party

134 replies

Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:39

Our 16 year old DD has been looking forward to her end of year party for ages. Due to the freedom day push back the date of this has been moved, to when we are away on holiday.

DD would rather miss out on the holiday and go to the party. DH and I feel she is too young to stay at home for a week, but really she will also miss out on our family holiday, which is the first one for a long time due to covid. The holiday is in the uk but looking at it it would be a 7 hour journey with 3 changes if she came back a day early say by train.

IABU to make her miss the party and come on the family holiday?

OP posts:
TweedyPuu · 15/06/2021 17:41

If she's 16 I think you should let her decide what to do.

Could she stay with a family member if she didn't come on holiday?

Sirzy · 15/06/2021 17:43

For the sake of a day I would cut the holiday short so she can do both

JoyOrbison · 15/06/2021 17:44

Could one of you drive back during the day for the party, stay at home overnight and drive back the next day?

Our dd had a hospital appointment we really needed while we were on hol, I drove her home the night before for a 9am app the next day, the drive back to hiday after the app.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:45

There are grandparents close by, potentially one set would help, one would probably panic at the thought. DH has suggested she stay with the one who would be least amenable to the suggestion.. DD has suggested she could stay with her friends instead.

OP posts:
FunMcCool · 15/06/2021 17:46

At 16 if let her stay with a family member.

MoiraNotRuby · 15/06/2021 17:46

How many others in your family? I would cut the holiday short, at least for 2 of you if possible.

When you are 16 your friends are WAY more important than family!!

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 15/06/2021 17:46

Let her come back early on the train. At 16 she'll cope fine.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:47

It's on the Friday before we come home so there would be no point really taking her and coming back, probably around a 12 to 14 hour round trip.

OP posts:
mrsmalcolmreynolds · 15/06/2021 17:49

Say she can get the train if she wants to go to the party?

Mayhemmumma · 15/06/2021 17:50

Let her go! It's been such a crap year, can't imagine what lockdown was like for teenagers!

These things are a massive deal she'll be miserable on the holiday

PineappleAce · 15/06/2021 17:51

I would leave our holiday on Friday AM so she'd be home in time for the party. It's unfortunate to have to cut the holiday short, but not her fault - and god knows, her cohort have missed out on enough already.

LemonPeonies · 15/06/2021 17:52

She's 16, old enough to get married, have sex etc I would let her decide.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:53

I suggested the train to DH, he wasn't keen. It's quite a trek and expensive but I think that would be my preferred option. If she would even be comfortable to do that. We are talking from Devon, through London and back out the other side.

OP posts:
MyFloorIsLava · 15/06/2021 17:54

If she's on holiday wishing she wasn't there and sad and disappointed at missing her party, she's going to put a major dampner on your holiday anyway. You would be unreasonable to make her miss it and it is the sort of thing people remember. I would find a way to facilitate her going.

Sirzy · 15/06/2021 17:55

Why not just come home a day early?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/06/2021 17:56

Let her get the train or all come home a day early. She can’t miss her prom .... she’s had more than enough ‘family time’ during this pandemic!

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 15/06/2021 17:56

@Alainlechat

I suggested the train to DH, he wasn't keen. It's quite a trek and expensive but I think that would be my preferred option. If she would even be comfortable to do that. We are talking from Devon, through London and back out the other side.
She should be able to go the non London route if he's worried about that though it will be longer. Is there a reason why she can't navigate London?
Mumdiva99 · 15/06/2021 17:58

Let her stay with the family member for most the time and at a friend's the night of the party.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:58

As DH has just said "I'm determined to find a way to let her go" and it wasn't said in a positive way. His suggestion so far was either to stay with a grandparent that wouldn't really be up for that or for her not to go. He would be concerned about her taking the train though.

Just to add we had tentatively thought about stopping into a friends on the way back who we haven't seen in a couple of years due covid so that would also be out if we came home early.

OP posts:
TweedyPuu · 15/06/2021 17:58

Why would getting the train be a problem?

I'd done several cross country national express journeys by 16.

Can she afford to pay for it?

Are there no nearby airports?

Aprilx · 15/06/2021 17:59

Yes you would be unreasonable to make her miss the party. I would have thought many 16 year olds would be mature enough to be at home by themselves, if she isn’t and it only means cutting the trip short by one day, then I would do that.

TweedyPuu · 15/06/2021 17:59

Why is DH against her staying with a friend?

DeathByWalkies · 15/06/2021 18:00

Let her come back a day early by train.

In two years she'll likely be off to university and catching long distance trains to and fro fairly frequently. May as well start learning some life skills and independence now.

The3Ls · 15/06/2021 18:02

Could you drive her part way cut out some of the train journey and make it more doable. Then she trains home the second half

TweedyPuu · 15/06/2021 18:03

Tbh by 16 many kids don't want to go on the family holiday.

How old are the other DC? Would she want to go if it wasn't a clash with her party? Does she want to visit the old friends you'll be visiting on the way home?