Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen and end of year party

134 replies

Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:39

Our 16 year old DD has been looking forward to her end of year party for ages. Due to the freedom day push back the date of this has been moved, to when we are away on holiday.

DD would rather miss out on the holiday and go to the party. DH and I feel she is too young to stay at home for a week, but really she will also miss out on our family holiday, which is the first one for a long time due to covid. The holiday is in the uk but looking at it it would be a 7 hour journey with 3 changes if she came back a day early say by train.

IABU to make her miss the party and come on the family holiday?

OP posts:
missymousey · 15/06/2021 18:26

Why would he be concerned about her getting the train?

TweedyPuu · 15/06/2021 18:29

I don't get what DHs problem is.

JustLyra · 15/06/2021 18:29

@Alainlechat

Yeah because he has been so negative both times I've mentioned it. I'm always one to find a solution if I can but feel like I've been made to feel I'm ruining the holiday if I support DD in going Hmm
Is he her Dad?

Why does he not care about what she wants?

I’d be reluctant to end everyone’s holiday short, especially if you have plans on the way home, but if there’s a safe way that she can do both why would he be against that?

She’s 16, not 6. Work out the options with her and decide between you what is the best option.

After this year if there was any way my teen could have both holiday and party I’d let them have it. They’ve missed out on enough.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 18:30

Someone asked below if she could afford the train, and checking the prices to get back early it's around £90!

Believe me i fork out plenty for her.

OP posts:
HoppyHop · 15/06/2021 18:30

It has been a very tough, uncertain year for year 11's. We would just come home a day early, there's nothing worse than a teen on holiday somewhere they don't want to be, it wrecks it for everyone else. (I know this from bitter experience!)

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 18:33

Yep he is her dad, guess struggling with the fact she is growing up. I know at 16 he was not going away with his parents.

Anyway so it's basically unanimous that I should support her going and I'm going to Smile.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 15/06/2021 18:34

@Alainlechat

Someone asked below if she could afford the train, and checking the prices to get back early it's around £90!

Believe me i fork out plenty for her.

Have a look at split ticketing and railcard options.
JustLyra · 15/06/2021 18:34

Or have her look at railcards and split ticketing rather than you do it

DumpyDonkey · 15/06/2021 18:40

Yep, buy a rail card.

I left my DC at home for the week in the summer he finished school while we went away.

Glad you are trying to sort out her going.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 19:44

So we have found a national express coach for £20 which DD seems to prefer rather than changing trains at Exeter.

DD also nervous about telling her dad so guess that's down to me to persuade him it's all feasible...

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 15/06/2021 19:51

You are an adult, your DD is 16. Why does it get to be his decision rather than yours?

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 19:57

By the same terms it could be his decision though not to let her, it cuts both ways. I'd rather we both agree.

OP posts:
TweedyPuu · 15/06/2021 19:58

If DD wants to go and has a plan of how to make it work then I don't think DH should have any say in it. How does it impact him?

Squidlydoo · 15/06/2021 20:02

Not to be a party pooper but we have just rearranged our school prom. I’m not convinced it will go ahead even in the new date.

By all means make plans but don’t cancel your own in case it doesn’t end up happening at all!

Imapotato · 15/06/2021 20:08

If it were me, and I do have a 16 year old dd whos prom has also been moved. I would just cut the holiday short a day early. Whats one day of a U.K. holiday compared to the rite of passage that is an end of school prom/ party. 🤷‍♀️

SoSadAboutMyDad · 15/06/2021 20:11

Bloody hell! Her parents won’t lose one day of their holiday for their teen who has been utterly shafted by Covid?? Shock It’s not like it was her fault the date was changed. And also want her to pay to get home on her own with her own birthday money?! Poor little sod. I’m sure she will remember this event with fondness Confused There are some very selfish parents in this world that’s for sure.

MimiSunshine · 15/06/2021 20:19

I would just come home on the Friday morning. You’re leaving the next day anyway 🤷‍♀️
What real difference to your holiday will it make? Your younger teens can be told / will know that in the future you would help them get to something they really want to do too.

It also saves your 16 year old coming home to an empty house with no food in and having to get herself sorted etc

Majorfluff · 15/06/2021 20:40

Definitely, she won't have the authority/skills to deal with it if it gets out of hand. Nightmare waiting to happen.

julesover40 · 15/06/2021 20:44

@Sirzy

For the sake of a day I would cut the holiday short so she can do both
This. Teens have missed out on so much cut the holiday short so she can enjoy both. Visit your friends another time.
AlexaShutUp · 15/06/2021 20:46

I would probably just come home a day early, but otherwise I'd let dd come home early. I have a dd in year 11 and it is massively important to her to attend stuff like this, so I'd definitely facilitate it somehow.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 20:46

I think if it was a prom that's such a big deal we would leave early but this is just a party in a garden albeit one DD really wants to go to.

Whatever way here someone will end up not pleased, the two other DDs will no doubt be moaning if we leave the holiday early. Hard to please everyone! Especially they are aggrieved that big sister has already left school early and has a holiday planned in a couple of weeks with her mates.

We are going to go to London so DD has a trial run at it from when she gets off the coach. She'll just come home get a stuff and go to her mates anyway. And grandparents are close by if needed.

OP posts:
Georgieporgie29 · 15/06/2021 20:51

I could have written this same post for my DS except his new date is smack bang in the middle of our holiday. Me and dh have been discussing tonight and I think one of us is going to drive him back for it and then drive back the next day to our holiday as we have things booked. It’s about 4.5 hours each way and the train is £130 each.
Not ideal but I’d really like him to go if we can manage it. I hope your dd gets to go to hers.

exLtEveDallas · 15/06/2021 20:55

My DDs prom has been cancelled today and she is devastated, and tbh so am I (for her). She’s had a particularly bad year and at the moment other things in her life are terrible. If one of her friends decides to hold a party I will move heaven and earth to let her go.

takealettermsjones · 15/06/2021 20:55

I agree with a PP that it's incredibly mean to expect her to pay with her own birthday money. She doesn't want to go on this holiday, she'd rather stay home so she can go to this party. But you're determined that she should experience the family holiday - which results in her losing her birthday money! Some treat.