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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teen and end of year party

134 replies

Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 17:39

Our 16 year old DD has been looking forward to her end of year party for ages. Due to the freedom day push back the date of this has been moved, to when we are away on holiday.

DD would rather miss out on the holiday and go to the party. DH and I feel she is too young to stay at home for a week, but really she will also miss out on our family holiday, which is the first one for a long time due to covid. The holiday is in the uk but looking at it it would be a 7 hour journey with 3 changes if she came back a day early say by train.

IABU to make her miss the party and come on the family holiday?

OP posts:
wherewildflowersgrow · 15/06/2021 22:33

I would let her stay with a friend who you know (and whose parents agree) or return a day early.

Violetparis · 15/06/2021 22:39

Don't understand the drama, either you all come back a day early or you come back with her a day early. I'd do it for my teenager after her missing out so much the past 18 months.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 22:48

It is really important to her and one of those things she'd always regret not being able to go to probably for years. I get that of course I do..

I just don't think the 2 younger teen DDs and DH will be open to coming home early, so either DD does on her own or we both come home and leave 3 there.

I haven't discussed again yet with DH as was not receptive at all earlier.

OP posts:
namesnamesnamesnames · 15/06/2021 22:56

Just one day early? Can't you just all leave early?

Original poster
Alainlechat · 15/06/2021 23:22

We could of course leave early but DH does not want to, he just thinks Dd should miss the party or suggested that she stayed home with a grandparent. Hence me looking at alternatives.

Actually hearing it would be a non event to leave the holiday a day early for a lot of you is making me quite sad that potentially it is a drama in my family.

OP posts:
SoSadAboutMyDad · 15/06/2021 23:31

My sister drove her 7 year old back from holiday for a 10 minute ballet exam that had had the date changed at the last moment due to Covid. Her DD had worked so hard for it and wanted to stay in the same class as her friends rather than stay down a grade. A 14 hour round trip for a 10 minute exam. That’s what selfless parenting looks like. I would suggest your DH needs to take a course in it.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/06/2021 12:17

Why is your DH reluctant for her to get the train? Pre Covid it was tradition for year 11s to head off to Reading/Leeds festivals for a long weekend in the summer hols.

JediGnot · 16/06/2021 12:38

I have no comprehension of a world where taking a 16 year old on a family holiday is good for the 16 year old or the family.

MimiSunshine · 16/06/2021 12:56

@Alainlechat

We could of course leave early but DH does not want to, he just thinks Dd should miss the party or suggested that she stayed home with a grandparent. Hence me looking at alternatives.

Actually hearing it would be a non event to leave the holiday a day early for a lot of you is making me quite sad that potentially it is a drama in my family.

If it meant leaving 2 days early or more of a weeks holiday then I could understand it. But 1 day really REALLY shouldn’t make a massive difference.

You need to get your DH to understand that he’s being really selfish to say DD either misses the holiday entirely or the party when actually both are perfectly doable.

In fact why not drive down to the holiday place the night before you are planning to (after7/8pm you’ll do it super quick), check in to a premier inn and then you technically don’t lose a day because on your first day that you would otherwise be traveling, hey presto you are already there.

Regardless younger DDs are told this is the way things are and you’d FP the same for them in the future

Whatafool123 · 16/06/2021 13:13

I like @MimiSunshine's Premier Inn idea personally, but if that is not an option for some reason then if I were you I would come home early with DD16 and leave the others to have their last day.

If nothing else, DD will be miserable if she has to miss the party and her mood won't add to the holiday atmosphere for the rest of you. On the other hand, if you agree to do this, she should promise to be a ray of sunshine for the rest of the time!

Mind you I have form on this sort of thing. We booked a holiday to the South of France for the summer before DD went to Primary School. It was in term time and after we booked it the school arranged the Reception induction afternoon for a date during our holiday. I booked return flights from Nice for the day of the induction afternoon, my parents collected me and poor little DD from the airport, dropped us at the school and took us back to the airport afterwards, and we were back in France by nightfall.

Clearly, I wouldn't do that now but I had serious PFB syndrome and was worried DD's school career would be blighted if we missed her induction. So to me, coming back a day early from a holiday is a no-brainer.

Original poster
Alainlechat · 16/06/2021 13:52

So spoken to DH this morning briefly, said I'd spoken to DD who does still want to come on the holiday. She did tell me yesterday she didn't want to upset her dad which she thinks if she insists on going to the party she would do.

Anyway, went through the train and coach options, he is not keen on her navigating her way through London although "clearly I'm ok with it". I said that in our day most of our friends left school at 16 and were navigating their way across London so I didn't have an issue as long as DD is ok with it.

Thinking now I might just travel back with her and leave DH and the others behind.

OP posts:
FunMcCool · 16/06/2021 13:53

Not sure why she’s not allowed to get the train. I flew back from Australia alone at 15 with a 5 hour stop on Singapore. Getting the train is safe and good for her to build independence.

FunMcCool · 16/06/2021 13:54

Also how does he think teenagers who live in London get about? I grew up in zone 2 London, my parents didn’t go every where with me! London isn’t some big bad world!

Original poster
Alainlechat · 16/06/2021 13:56

I'm more than happy for her to get the train back, now I'm just thinking I might be better off being back home and close in case anything happens at the party.

I do know that's unlikely of course just can't help worrying Smile

OP posts:
Palavah · 16/06/2021 13:58

@LynetteScavo

I would come back with her on the train early to help her get ready for the prom, leave the others to have an extra day, pack up and drive home.
No, If DH thinks she can't go on the train by herself he can take her a day early. I'd enjoy the extra day holiday.
Original poster
Alainlechat · 16/06/2021 13:59

DH and I are from London, we were always out and about with Red Bus Rovers and much younger than 16. I still work in London and travelled daily before the pandemic, DH rarely goes so sees it more as a dangerous place these days.

OP posts:
ConstanceGracy · 16/06/2021 14:05

It’s one less day for the sake of your kid getting to spend time with her friends before they all go off in different directions.
Really don’t see why it’s so hard

LynetteScavo · 16/06/2021 16:51

Another reason I would want to travel back with her would be incase anything happened at the party. More than once I've had to do a middle of the night trip to collect a teen from a party. I would want my DD to know I was available to collect her if she needed me to.

katy1213 · 16/06/2021 17:00

She's 16. If she's not competent to make an unaccompanied train journey, you should be seriously worried.
But you shouldn't be dragging her on family holidays if she doesn't want to go. Of course, she'll manage fine on her own for a week.
If she digs her heels in, what are you going to do about it, anyway?

katy1213 · 16/06/2021 17:03

'Navigating her way across London?" I take it this is a tube ride from Paddington to another mainline station?
Or an expedition with huskies, sherpas and ration packs?

waterrat · 16/06/2021 17:05

At 16 she really is old enough for a long train journey. What on earth would your husband be worried about. Surely she knows how to get a train or change platforms etc?

waterrat · 16/06/2021 17:05

School children cross London each day as do tourists who don't speak English I'm sure if you show her a tube map she will manage

FunMcCool · 16/06/2021 17:06

@Alainlechat

Another thought your DH should be more worried about what’s going to happen at the party (drinking etc) than a journey in public places where very little can go wrong.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 16/06/2021 17:13

I'd cut holiday a day short, or one of us would come back earlier.

there's no way I'd make her miss a party after what's been a terrible year & doing GSCEs under unprecedented circumstances.

we threw an end of y11 party for DS3 & 15 friends the day after last exams. the kids were ecstatic to be able to do anything at all and now then prom is cancelled/postponed (still unclear) I'm so happy they had an opportunity to blow off steam and celebrate.

don't make her miss it

looptheloopinahulahoop · 16/06/2021 17:31

OP it really is very likely the party will be postponed and so it won't be an issue.

But I would very happily cut a UK holiday short by one day if I needed to. Very different if flights or ferries were concerned, but not just to drive back. Hope for rain on the last day and then everyone will be quite happy to leave (after the rest of the week being perfect weather!)

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