Teen and end of year party

[Alainlechat]

Our 16 year old DD has been looking forward to her end of year party for ages. Due to the freedom day push back the date of this has been moved, to when we are away on holiday.

DD would rather miss out on the holiday and go to the party. DH and I feel she is too young to stay at home for a week, but really she will also miss out on our family holiday, which is the first one for a long time due to covid. The holiday is in the uk but looking at it it would be a 7 hour journey with 3 changes if she came back a day early say by train.

IABU to make her miss the party and come on the family holiday?

You say she has to cross London. If you tell us what county we can tell you exactly what the route would be. I used to live in the west-country so I've got the train to Paddington and onto other places a few times.

If she needs to get to Kent, it might be easier to put her on the train at Yeovil to Waterloo and she can just walk over to Waterloo East and get the train to wherever she needs to be.

If Essex, it's easier to go to Paddington and get the Central Line to Liverpool St or possibly Fenchurch St.

If Surrey, again Waterloo is easier.

The only slightly awkward one is Blackfriars but you can very safely walk along the river from Waterloo to Blackfriars in about 15 minutes depending on how much luggage she has.

If bus and you're going to Victoria, that could work really well if she needs to get the train from Victoria railway station.

Is there anyone who could meet her in London?

(and if you need Thameslink north you can easily get from Paddington to St Pancras) or from Victoria on the Victoria line.

To all those saying a 16 year old should be able to cope with three changes of train and crossing London, these kids haven't had as much practice on public transport as most kids their age. At 16 I thought nothing of going from the Midlands to London and beyond. My own Y11 would be fine, but would need talking through it. She now has a hesitancy she didn't have two years ago. Covid regulations really have distorted Y11s view of what is and isn't normal or acceptable or safe. It's very unkind to scoff at a 16yo today who is hesitant about making complicated train journey alone. They've missed out on the essential life skills 14 and 15 year olds usually learn.

@LynetteScavo

To all those saying a 16 year old should be able to cope with three changes of train and crossing London, these kids haven't had as much practice on public transport as most kids their age. At 16 I thought nothing of going from the Midlands to London and beyond. My own Y11 would be fine, but would need talking through it. She now has a hesitancy she didn't have two years ago. Covid regulations really have distorted Y11s view of what is and isn't normal or acceptable or safe. It's very unkind to scoff at a 16yo today who is hesitant about making complicated train journey alone. They've missed out on the essential life skills 14 and 15 year olds usually learn.

Very well said, I totally agree. These Year 11s have been cooped up for a long time and not gradually built their independence up. The transition from age 14 (when most parents know where their child is at all times) to 16 (when most come and go as they please, more or less) hasn't really happened.

also my 16y never had to take the train for anything by himself.
there was never a need.
I think he'd cope but it's not something he does routinely.
I grew up in Budapest (so different country) and also never needed use trains by myself it until I was in early 20s. not many people I knew did because we mainly used buses, trams & metro for travelling.
And even with other people I just hated trains.

so this attitude of "oh they should all be fine with changing trains 3 times at this age" is alien to me. nobody I grew up with ever did that at 16

Only one way they're going to learn, and they're going to have to go through some accelerated growing up before they leave home and go to uni at 18.

Any 16 year old without SEN and with a briefing on how to catch trains (eg go to the correct platform, double check on the screens which platform it is) should be able to manage it. I'd get an off peak ticket rather than an advance in case there's a cock up and they miss their connection though.

I had rarely taken the train as a child, but took a train from one end of the country to the other for a university open day. It was fine.

I’d either come back a day early or let her stay home.

The train is fine. My 16 year olds prom has been moved and they're due to be on holiday in Europe with their father, stepmother and siblings. They have missed out on so much already and end of year parties and proms etc are so important to the, we are looking into my 16 year old son flying to join the rest of the family a few days later so they can do both. (no comments needed on travelling abroad at present please) Let your teenager have some independence and have the opportunity to grow up. Its not like when we were teenagers and taking these steps of independence and had to seek out a phonebox if their was a problem and pray our parents were home to answer, we've all got mobile phones and can reach out for help, check everything is ok at all times. I'm sure your daughter will enjoy the adventure and will give her huge amounts of confidence.

I'd book the coach for both of you. Load up your tablets with films and have a nice girls trip back. They'll all mostly likely get hammered at the party and will be better off at home sleeping it off rather than you worrying about how she is. Tell DH it's happening, he's not the boss.