AIBU to think it's protocol to allow a plus one to a wedding?

[Beepbopbot]

A friend has recently invited me to her wedding which will take place later this year. When I received the invite, I noticed that there was no option to bring a plus one.

I just saw her recently and while chatting I casually asked if it was possible to bring a friend/date with me to the wedding. She said no because the meals are expensive but that maybe I could bring someone after the meal for drinks.

She explained that I would not be alone (as I don't know anyone from her or the groom's family) as she had invited a couple other girls that we know mutually. These girls, however, are coming with their partners.

This is the thing that irritates me. I would understand if she was only inviting us girls and no one could bring their partner or a date but the way I see it is that because the other girls have long term partners, they are automatically included. But because I am currently single after separating from my partner, I have to come alone.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a cheap thing to do, and even borderline on not being a good friend? If I was still with my partner I can assume that we would both be invited, but it seems that saving on a dinner plate (which would inevitably be reimbursed back from myself in the form of a gift card/gift) is more important then making sure that I (or any other guest if they were in my position) is comfortable and doesn't have to feel those awkward moments that single ppl often do when surrounded by couples.

I'm interested to hearing if this is something that's normal or not... Thanks gals!

Ive been to two close friends weddings and my DP of 10 years wasnt invited to either. Didnt give it a second thought weddings are expensive.

I think a plus one invite is just good manners, who wants to go to a blooming wedding on their own? Maybe they do yes but don't assume so, I'd hate anyone coming to my wedding to be uncomfortable if they were alone. Can't bear cheap skates, elope / do restricted numbers but be generous within that.

There’s nothing cheap about deciding you don’t want a stranger you’ve never met at your wedding.

I would be happy to never go to another wedding again. They are expensive, showy, stressful performances with a limited benefit for anyone. I think nowadays I would attend a wedding ceremony for a close friend or family member to keep the peace and show support but would leave before the extended back slapping and attention seeking started.

To answer your question, no i dont think a +1 is normal but nothing about weddings these days is vaguely normal so go if you want to and stay home if you don't. Nothing stopping you sending a nicely written card to offer your congratulations.

I have invitations to two weddings coming up, not a plus one for either of them. To be honest, I wouldn't want one as it would mean either having to explain that I'm coming alone or scrambling to find someone to take. Most of the suitable people I know will be at the wedding anyway so I would have to entertain anyone I took and I fully intend to spend 80+% of the evening on the dance floor.

A plus one invite is just that tho , not a summons so you could go on your own if you wanted. I guess it depends on the size of the do , the closeness to your host and your social confidence. They should be in proportion- why would you invite someone on their own who doesn't know many people if they weren't comfortable? Just awkward. The it's expensive isn't justified IMO.

It's not protocol, but it is good etiquette. So she doesn't have to add a plus one, but also if she doesn't she's being a bit of a dick (even more so if she gives others a plus one)

It's perfectly reasonable not to want complete strangers at your wedding, even more so in a time when numbers are restricted.

Get over it.

Of course weddings are expensive and numbers are restricted but inviting a plus one is a nice thing to do, if at all possible.

My DB got married a couple of years ago and invited a close family friend from our parents’ generation. She’s a widow and he gave her a plus one invitation so she could bring a mate. I thought that was lovely (esp as I often think he and SIL are a bit tight! ).

I don't get this "why would I want complete strangers at my wedding?" thing at all. You either know how to host properly, or you don't

I gave plus ones to my single friends st my wedding. Most didn’t use them, but a two friends did.

One of the plus ones ended up doing a filthy tango with one of my bridesmaids in the middle of the dance floor while the friend who brought him looked on and tried not to cry . So it isn’t the foolproof option you might think.

@Changechangychange

I gave plus ones to my single friends st my wedding. Most didn’t use them, but a two friends did.

One of the plus ones ended up doing a filthy tango with one of my bridesmaids in the middle of the dance floor while the friend who brought him looked on and tried not to cry . So it isn’t the foolproof option you might think.

Exactly. I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where someone (probably panicked) brought a blind date as her plus one, unsurprisingly and correctly had decided he was ghastly by the dinner, and spent the rest of the day moving around placecards, skulking and drinking like a fish to avoid him, while he did pills and propositioned any woman under the age of eighty and got sick on the dancefloor.

Another instance I can think of, a guest changed her plus one’s dietary requirements three times — vegetarian, halal, then vegetarian again but also gluten-free or something — because she changed the casual boyfriend she was bringing three times between accepting the invitation and the day, at which the final choice added to the delight by not actually showing up.

It’s not just a matter of having a stranger at your wedding, or choosing a stranger over someone you’d have liked to invite, it’s about potentially having an awful, disruptive stranger (who is appalling even the guest for whose sake you invited him) or an expensive no-show.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I don't get this "why would I want complete strangers at my wedding?" thing at all. You either know how to host properly, or you don't

Of course, if you have the budget and space. But if you could afford 60 people, would you really be happy to make it 50 people you know and 10 random dates or friends of people who aren't in relationships and already have friends at the party? Honestly, I did that (though it was a larger wedding), and looking back, wish I'd had more of my old school friends or extended family and fewer people who none of us (including their wedding date) ever saw again.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I don't get this "why would I want complete strangers at my wedding?" thing at all. You either know how to host properly, or you don't

If I’m holding and paying for an event I get to choose who I invite. No idea why that would be hosting properly

@DotsandCo

My daughter got married last February (a month before lockdown!) and the per head cost per guest was a staggering £125 😱 You can bet your life she would not have paid for you to 'bring a friend'! You say that the bride and groom 'get it back in gift card/gift)! They don't really though (and that's not the point is it to be fair!) as a) 2 x £125 = £250. None of the gifts my daughter received were anywhere close to that amount 🤣 (entirely not the point of the gift giving and everything was lovely!). And of course the cost of a wedding is MUCH more than the cost of the food...so your comment is ridiculous anyway! It's obvious that you know nothing about planning (and paying for!) one!

Accept the invitation graciously or don't go!

And some of the places I’ve stayed as a single person at a wedding cost about double that for the room. In ludicrous locations (so limited other options), that also cost a fortune to get to. Because you forget, that as a single person, you’re footing the room bill on your own, not sharing it. And at a wedding there’s no single supplement, and very often no single rooms. So you have to pay for a double room. On your own.

I appreciate it's difficult but if money is tight they don't want to pay for a meal and drinks for a stranger!

YABU. Weddings are expensive, and brides and grooms don’t have to have strangers at their wedding and in their photos.

It’s a bit different if you’ve got a partner you’ve lived with for years, but if you just want to bring a friend or someone you’ve dated for a few weeks that is not usual practice and you’re not within your rights to get upset over it.

Tbh if you think that your coupled-up friends would make you feel socially awkward for being single, you need better friends.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I don't get this "why would I want complete strangers at my wedding?" thing at all. You either know how to host properly, or you don't

Is it so hard to understand that for something as personal as a wedding some people wouldn't want complete strangers there?

And especially in a time when numbers are constrained, I can imagine that people would want 15 close friends in preference to 15 people they have never met and probably will never meet again.

I wouldn't have though it was usual to add unnamed/unkown plus ones to peoples invites

No its not protocol in the uk
Some will and some won't as cost and space dictates A lot.
Also someone could have many single friends and relatives so cost and numbers really mount up,
The person who commented on room prices what odda does that make as if you pay same as a couple , they may have less income than a single person so the cost of rooms is relative more to personal finances.
When we go to weddings we can rarely afford to stay as out budget doesn't allow, pre children and single I could afford.
Your friend has said you can have someone come in the evening so I think that is a good compromise