AIBU to think it's protocol to allow a plus one to a wedding?

[Beepbopbot]

A friend has recently invited me to her wedding which will take place later this year. When I received the invite, I noticed that there was no option to bring a plus one.

I just saw her recently and while chatting I casually asked if it was possible to bring a friend/date with me to the wedding. She said no because the meals are expensive but that maybe I could bring someone after the meal for drinks.

She explained that I would not be alone (as I don't know anyone from her or the groom's family) as she had invited a couple other girls that we know mutually. These girls, however, are coming with their partners.

This is the thing that irritates me. I would understand if she was only inviting us girls and no one could bring their partner or a date but the way I see it is that because the other girls have long term partners, they are automatically included. But because I am currently single after separating from my partner, I have to come alone.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is a cheap thing to do, and even borderline on not being a good friend? If I was still with my partner I can assume that we would both be invited, but it seems that saving on a dinner plate (which would inevitably be reimbursed back from myself in the form of a gift card/gift) is more important then making sure that I (or any other guest if they were in my position) is comfortable and doesn't have to feel those awkward moments that single ppl often do when surrounded by couples.

I'm interested to hearing if this is something that's normal or not... Thanks gals!

I think you're completely right OP, unless this is likely to take place while numbers are restricted, but in that case I'd expect other partners to be culled too.

TBH weddings where you barely know anyone are bad enough, even if you have a partner.

Honestly I think its quite rude not to invite a plus one. Some couples completely ignore the fact that they're hosting people, and should be mindful of their guests enjoyment. It must be bloody miserable to be sat alone surrounded by people you don't know, mostly coupled up.

And I know some people will insist that they've been on their own and it was great, but everybody has different personalities and some people are very introverted and would find it too much.

Once upon a time host were concerned about the comfort and enjoyment of their guests. That's what made the event a success. What happened to that?

@HunterHearstHelmsley

I hear you.

I've turned down invitations because I'm not going to sit alone all day. Either that or I'll show up, eat and fuck off.

Well that's rude. Presumably you are good friends with at least one of the couple or you wouldn't be going, why wouldn't you try to talk with other people? Or if you don't know anyone else, then let them spend their money and use a limited space for someone who might actually enjoy the experience?

We invited spouses but I wouldn’t invite someone I didn’t know to a wedding. Not because of cost but because i would find it strange to take vows in front of a stranger.

Go or don't go but don't expect to be allowed a plus one. You were so rude to ask.

@JellyTumble

YABVU. Nobody wants randomers at their wedding; this isn’t about you.

This is exactly what's wrong with the world. OP is a guest, it should be about her.

Single people didn't get a plus one to my wedding. I didn't want random people there.

My friend had limited numbers for her wedding and we were invited to the evening do. Two days before the wedding somebody was ill so she asked me if I would like to come to the full day but it would be just me during the day. I didn’t really know anybody but she sat me with her other single friends and I had a lovely day . You just have to be prepared to talk to people .

If you want to bring a random friend, why can't you just talk to the other friends you know will be there? Does it matter to you so much that you have a plus-one specific to you?

I've been to tons of weddings in my own so I do appreciate that even when there are lots of people that you know, it can still be daunting to walk in to a room in your own and you might feel a bit put out that everyone else has support.

But you're a big girl now! You can do this!

And no, your friends isn't being a bad friends to not want lots of random people at her wedding. Imagine if every guest who's single insisted on bringing someone with them?!

Go on your own or don't go at all. Just make sure you let her know in good time so she can offer your place to someone else if necessary.

I think people should get a plus one if they are unlikely to know anyone else at the wedding.

However you clearly said that you will know several other guests fairly well.

In an ideal world weddings would be less strict, but often venues now have number caps, an extra guest is upwards of a £100, budgets are limited and covid increases that.

One couple we invited to our wedding(save the dates, before actual invites went out) they split up, and we invited them both still but had to say unfortunately they couldn't bring their new partners to the day, as there was no room as they were expected to take up 2 spaces not 4. They brought their partners to the evening do though. Maybe you could ask to bring a friend to the party on the night

Imagine if every guest who's single insisted on bringing someone with them?!
This is possibly an age group thing. In a situation where there are genuinely lots of single people, those marrying in their early 20s for example, it isn't much of an issue. Single people don't stick out on a table of 9 other single mates. In this example and in real life weddings for those later in their 30s, there's perhaps 2 or 3 single people at any given wedding. That's when it becomes uncomfortable for the guest and unreasonable of bride and groom to not consider the impact. As others have highlighted, it could be a friend who's a mutual acquaintance if people really can't bear having someone they don't know. (How they'd even notice in the whirl of the day I've no idea!)

I invited plus ones to my wedding and now have people in my wedding photos who I only met on that day and haven't seen since, I paid for their food and drink all day too.

I really thought you were going to say you'd been with someone for years and was hurt that they weren't invited not that you just wanted to bring along some random person to keep you company just because others are allowed to bring long term partners.

You're being immature

Those saying a wedding should be ALL about the guests and that it is the bride and grooms job to HOST the wedding and therefore ensure all guests are comfortable and entertained (and therefore OP should of course get a plus one) are BONKERS

All the stress of planning a wedding is about the guests and ensuring they have a good time. We must remember Terry is now vegan so got to change his meal...Julie's pregnant again so can't have the brie starter we'll have to find something else...we can't put Alison on a table with Dave as she find's him really obnoxious so won't enjoy it...Aunty Sylvia will want to catch up with Aunt Carol so let's put them together....do you think adding a quiz to the table will add a bit of fun element for those who don't know each other? We need to go through the song list for the DJ and make sure there are enough bangers to get people up and dancing....why don't we ask the guests to nominate their fav song and make it interactive....how about a photo booth set up so people can get a nice reminder of the day? It looks like it's going to be really hot so instead of canapes why don't we get ice creams and lollies for people to cool down...do you think there's enough shade for everyone? Why don't we buy some giant outdoor games to add a bit of fun in the evening? There's quite a gap between the wedding breakfast and the end of the night so think we'll need to add some bacon baps or something...remember Kate's just broken up with Phil so why don't we add Simon to her table as they would really get on?

Honestly, the cheek to suggest that the bride and groom don't think about the guests is absurd. I know when I got married I didn't have time to enjoy most of the fun things we'd planned for the guests, let alone eat most of the food.

No, I don't think it's etiquette to be invited with a 'plus one' unless you are known to be already in a relationship. YABU.

I think it’s quite a while since it was the done thing to invite a plus-one. Years ago it was more likely to be a buffet, and weddings were generally much cheaper than nowadays, so it didn’t make much difference. Now, when you’re paying £100 per head, it can be annoying to invite people you’ve never met, and brides and grooms have to draw the line somewhere. Some will invite fiances or long term partners, some will invite only partners they’ve actually met etc. But having a complete stranger at your wedding, in your photos, enjoying a sit down meal, at a big event where you want to share it with close friends and family. I think it’s reasonable not to invite a plus one.

I was once taken to a wedding as a plus one, but it turned out that my 'escort's' invitation hadn't included a plus one! He just assumed it did. It was very embarrassing, as they had to squeeze another place setting and chair on to the table. I was mortified, but although i offered to leave, it would have caused even more fuss,(and the idiot I was accompanying would have no teetotal driver to chauffer him, which I later realised was the object of the exercise!

I said up thread I didn't plus one my guests....that wasn't just the single ones I didn't invite some husbands too. I don't socialise with my friends as couples so why would their husband come to my wedding?

I'm not a monster....where we had a couple of people travel a long way and they knew no one of course we gave them a plus one. And where my friends husbands are friends of mine or they had kids we see socially of course they were included.

We didn’t give single guests a plus one invite at my wedding; didn’t want random people there and it’s usual to invite both people in a couple

Yabu here really, you can still go and have fun and chat to people

of course not! I invited people that I know to my wedding, which generally includes the long-term partners or my friends and family. I'm not having some random person that I've never met there. what a bizarre idea, even pre covid.

Sorry OP. You’ve been watching too many rom-coms. It’s not at all usual to give guests an ‘open’ plus one and you were rather rude to ask.

Nice to see that plenty of pp have still managed to make this into a bride-bashing session. It’s always the bride, isn’t it?

I can see both sides. I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. If it was my wedding and you were the only person who would be alone, I'd give you +1. If I had lots of single friends then probably not. So it depends on circumstances and who the other guests were.
Going to a wedding shouldn't be an ordeal that you get through. Weddings are expensive for guests as well as the bride and groom. They also suck up a whole weekend. it would be nice to enjoy it! If you would literally be the only person there without a partner and the bride doesn't care enough about your comfort to accommodate you, then you don't have to care enough about her wedding to attend.

Plus 1 means you get a lot of strangers at your wedding. I look at my own wedding photos and cringe - so many randomers on there, including boyfriends who were new hook ups and split soon afterwards.

There were lots of people I could not invite because of the expense yet I had ten or so people I didn't know because of the pressure for pus ones from DM and DMIL.