For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

[HannahAD]

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

I have a 2 inch scar down my fence where multiple melanomas developed and had to be removed in my 50’s
I hate being in the sun and always have
I was sunburnt just once in my life aged 8 . That was in 1970s

Those saying it was a 1-off, there is no excuse to not use strong sun cream on kids routinely these days. If MiL doesn’t make that a priority on a day out in summer or doesn’t understand then she is not smart enough to supervise any child on her own. I’d say it was lazy or wilful neglect.

@Sometimesfraught82

The ignorance on this thread

The NHS and the British dermatology both strongly recommend that sunscreen is reapplied every 2 hours and immediately after swimming and towel drying

I can’t believe it either. So many posters suggesting that sun cream should last three hours and that the baby shouldn’t have been burnt. Ridiculous.

That’s bang out of order! I’d be annoyed that your partner wasn’t on board too..he needs educating quick!

I had the worst sun burn in my life when I was on the isle of skye. So badly burnt I had an infection in my leg that needed dressed every day. You can burn on a warm day with the sun behind the clouds. I have very fair skin and burn very easily even with high factor on. What your MIL did is very serious and I cannot believe your DH doesnt have an issue about his child being burnt under the care of his mother. I hope you take him to the GP and speak to MIL about how serious this is

You are absolutely right to take him to GP and I would inform your HV too and make sure you document it in his red book. Your DH needs to take this seriously, so back up from HCP is very important.

YANBU my dd who will be a year at the end of the month is extremely fair skinned and a red head. I put factor 50 on her every hour if we’re out and we don’t go into the sun on the hottest parts of the day but then where I am in Scotland it’s been getting warmer around 3-4pm recently. I even put sun cream on her today before she went out even though it’s overcast it’s just not worth the risk tbh and I always stress to my family and my partners that if they are taking her out in the sun for no more than 15 mins at the time then have a wee break she starts to go pink so quickly. Why would you even take the risk with such a small child?!
If it was me, my dd wouldn’t be going back with that person at all that’s totally cruel! Hope your ds is ok op x

And that would be the last time she took my child unsupervised. Yanbu OP. I would be furious.

YANBU I would be absolutely livid and she wouldn’t get unsupervised access again. Fellow Scot here with fair children and you have to be so, so careful. I burn easily and am so vigilant with my kids as I know (from actual scientific research) that sunburn in childhood can lead to skin cancer in adulthood.

Also, I’d be losing confidence in my husband’s ability to care for my child safely based on his response to this. What the actual fuck? His child is burnt. Burnt. Does he even care about his kid’s safety at all?

I'd have been fuming that she wilfully disregarded my request to apply sun cream. She wouldn't be looking after my child again if I were you, OP. The sun is so dangerous, especially for a little one.

Hope he is ok OP

You’re not being unreasonable if she deliberately ignored your instructions and didn’t reapply the cream. If she’d forgotten or didn’t realise, that would be potentially forgivable because, hey, stuff happens. But to ignore your express instructions deliberately means that she wouldn’t be looking after my child unsupervised again.

Severe sunburns, especially during childhood, increase your risk of developing melanoma and other skin cancer. Just one blistering sunburn can double your chances of developing melanoma later in life.

' I heard' is always followed by a stupid statement and here's the proof. The woman is dumb as fuck and doesn't get to look after your kid again.

Many on here are too stupid to realise it is near the solstice and uv strength does not relate to air temperature ( because science isn't feminine and MN encourage that) but this woman is a whole new level of fool.

Talk me through your partner’s logic? He got burnt a lot as a child so you are overreacting? “My mother injured me so you should put up with her injuring our child”? What the fuck? Would he say that if his mother had scalded him with a hot cup of tea then no biggie if she does the same to your son?

Or is he saying “I got burnt and don’t have skin cancer so no big deal”? First, skin cancer may not develop for decades yet, he’s not out of the woods there. And second, sunburn hurts. Really hurts.

What a stupid, ignorant pair they are.

That’s basically abuse. It’s one step further than neglect it’s actually wilful.

YANBU but BOOTS do an 8 hour one which is good on sensitive skin

@Rosebel You can burn on an overcast day. Clouds scatter the UV radiation, they don’t block it. And this is a young child with pale Scottish skin.

@HannahAD Does your partner really believe it’s OK because he was injured as a child too? Or is he just being weak because he doesn’t want to stand up to his mother?

I’d be raging. Thankfully my MIL would never do this as my DH (her husband) has been dealing with melanoma since the age of 31. It’s now stage 4. 90% of melanomas are avoidable and getting sunburned as a child increases your risk by up to 80%.

I would direct her to a charity called SKCIN to read up about sun protection for babies and refuse to let her have responsibility for the child until I was confident she wouldn’t be so neglectful.

So sorry she did this to your baby OP!

Edit - her son, not husband!

I usually think people are a bit harsh on MILs but this has given me the rage. It would be bad enough if she had forgotten, but to refuse to put it on him - that is awful. Poor baby.

It's not just melanomas - other skin cancers can be disfiguring and even fatal too. That said the chances are he will be fine so try not to worry, I would, however, struggle to trust her with his safety in future.

It shocks me how ignorant people are about sunscreen. I used to advise people in the chemist and one woman admitted she would use "veg oil" My kids are "red haired" so they would have UV hats , UV vests on. One day on a "welsh seaside" holiday i watched a blonde women and her little faired haired boy maybe 2 -3years old play on the sand , she stripped him off, naked and just let him play, no sun lotion, vest nothing. later we saw him in the play clubhouse and he was beetroot red and looked so sore and fretfull.really whinging, I felt so sorry for this little lad. Yr MIL needs to be re educated on sun damage and yr partner needs to tell her you're on the same page.

@HannahAD

My partner says I’m over protective because he was burnt a lot as a child. I definitely will not be letting him back out with her unless me or my partner is there.

Did you know her views on suncream before? I imagine her views are probably not kept to herself?

My brother's MIL didn't believe in suncream, or seatbelts for short journeys, or cycle helmets etc etc when his three were small, so he avoided her for childcare as much as possible

This is a woman whose unsupervised toddler drowned in a water butt while she was pregnant with DB's wife - some people are idiotic

The idea that somebody with very fair skin and factor 50 could last for a couple of hours in full sun is not my experience.

Your husband should realise repeated sunburns as a child means that HE is at risk of melanoma. You should check him over for anything that looks suspicious. I had a number of sunburns as a child because it was seen as healthy to be outdoors in the sun though we have the second highest melanoma death rate in the world (behind Australia). I myself don't like having to rotate slowly arms outstretched in minimal underwear while an eagle eyed dermatologist looks me over looking for anything suspicious. Even less fun is the the bit where they come over and start magnifying and having a closer look at some mole or other. And the least fun is when they start injecting you with local on the spot and cutting.

Your MIL sounds as much of an idiot as your husband. I would be a bit dubious of either of them being in charge. Your husband might be trainable but I suspect your MIL is not.

The best thing to do is to train your children that they must have sunblock on as soon as they are old enough to understand. My two very fair skinned boys wouldn't dream of going outside in the sun if they weren't wearing sunblock because they know about the risk of sunburn. My youngest even insists on his ears being done. I myself wear sunblock summer and winter.