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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

280 replies

HannahAD · 14/06/2021 10:59

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

OP posts:
YoComoManzanas · 14/06/2021 12:03

I use boots sultan it has a 5 star UVA rating. There is also a beach one which lasts 3hrs although I guess with very fair skin you would apply more. But to be honest I wouldn't have a baby in direct sun for very long.

For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?
For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?
RuthW · 14/06/2021 12:05

She wouldn't be having my child again.

HannahAD · 14/06/2021 12:08

I use the nivea kids factor 50 with ultra / 5 star UVA and occasionally the Tesco factor 50 on both myself (sensitive skin) and him.

OP posts:
MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 14/06/2021 12:09

Yanbu. A one off accident would be understandable but deliberately not putting suncream on a child and letting them get burnt is another. I wouldn’t let her look after him alone again.

contrary13 · 14/06/2021 12:12

It doesn't matter what she believes. She isn't the parent. Her belief system, therefore, is not relevant to your child and their welfare.

Although sun-burn doesn't necessarily lead to skin-cancer, it is one of the factors towards its cause in (too) many cases. My father, who grew up in a time before sunscreen was even thought of, has two worrisome blemishes which have suddenly appeared on his face. He's terrified that, because he spent his entire early life outside in the sun, "running around without any protection from the sun", that he has skin-cancer. It is a possibility. He's off to the GP this week to get them looked at.

In comparison, my son is actually allergic to the base ingredients in every sunscreen/cream/lotion we've ever tried on him (he must have been one of the only babies who was allergic to Johnson's hypo-allergenic baby products, for example!). Luckily, he has olive skin and doesn't burn - but when he was younger (he's 16 now), it wasn't through lack of his trying, I can tell you! Both my ex and I made sure he had hats with flaps at the back, to protect the neck (or he wore them backwards so that the solid front of a baseball cap covered the neck), long loose-sleeved shirts on, and he rested in the shade during the hottest parts of the day. Ex-MIL kept trying to slather him in lotions (which came from a good place - she wanted to protect him as she thought we weren't already following medical advice on his being in the sun) and couldn't understand why he'd start to scratch within seconds, come up in hives, and run a temperature. He's a teenager now, so we don't have to fret so much about him being out in the sun as... he's turned nocturnal again (he was as a newborn, too). But again, as his parents, the decision not to subject him to something his body obviously couldn't/can't tolerate was ours to make - not that of his grandmother.

I really hope your son feels better soon. But as his mother, you're absolutely not being unreasonable in the slightest... and, like others, I'd be very wary about leaving your child(ren) with your MIL in future. We couldn't leave our son with my ex-MIL for years because of her habit of grabbing an arm and dollaping lotions onto it without any warning, so when I say "good luck", I seriously mean it, OP Flowers

Katela18 · 14/06/2021 12:12

I'd be fuming with this, and she would never be looking after my child again.

I'd be equally furious at the partner who doesn't see it as pertinent to tell his mother its unacceptable that she deliberately allowed harm to come to his child. What is wrong with him?

30degreesandmeltinghere · 14/06/2021 12:13

Ah the old granny knows best.
Makes me raged.. My mil was the same. She used to take ds's toys off him and give him bloody car keys to suck. I could feel my blood boil as I took them off him. The Death Stare soon convinced her I meant business..

diddl · 14/06/2021 12:17

@Rosebel

It wasn't hot or sunny and you put cream on him so I don't understand how he got burned in less than 3 hours. Of course she should have respected your wishes but it doesn't make sense as to how he got burned with no sun or warmth
Oh dear.
MsTSwift · 14/06/2021 12:18

I use sun cream but never fully trust it in case it runs off. Mine when little wore those swimsuit outfits that cover you entirely and hats with flaps so only needed cream on face. Ok we got a few funny looks on the beach in Sardinia 😁 but they will thank me later !

FindYourPorpoise · 14/06/2021 12:19

I am very fair and can definitely burn within 3 hours of applying factor 50 regardless of the brand so don't listen to the posts saying you need to switch products, that's probably not the issue here.

I find there's a lot of weird denial about sunburn and the effectiveness of sun cream. I would not let someone like that look after my young child.

PrimulaPrimrose · 14/06/2021 12:19

It would never happen again.
But yes check your suncream both age group of it and brand. Also if using use plenty. Also buy wide brimmed hats when you see them and keep plonking them on as they chuck them off: it works long-term.
(Your partner is wrong too.)
Little kids have delicate skin and though we all need sun it's basic baby care to not let them burn.

DrowsyDragon · 14/06/2021 12:19

Just for perspective, my aunt (awful woman, didn’t believe in sun cream) took my cousin’s son out, didn’t reapply and he was burned. This was in Australia. Social services were involved because in Australia letting a child burn is considered child abuse. Obviously Scotland is NOT australia but what she did deliberately is really serious.

Ickythefirebobby · 14/06/2021 12:20

I’m speechless. That’s absolutely shocking. It’s pure neglect. I would be livid and there’s no way she would be having my child again.

merrymouse · 14/06/2021 12:20

If her genuine opinion is

“I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ”

She should have made this clear before taking the baby to the beach. It’s wrong to deliberately ignore your wishes without giving you a choice to make other arrangements.

However, I suspect it’s more likely that she forgot/didn’t appreciate the strength of the sun and is making an excuse - otherwise why wouldn’t she be warning you about the dangers of sun cream?

Jaxhog · 14/06/2021 12:20

YANBU. She willfully allowed your child to be injured. If she doesn't believe in suncream, she should have told you AND kept your babe out of the sun.

PrimulaPrimrose · 14/06/2021 12:20

Age of suncream I meant: it doesn't last one year to the next. Forgive me if I'm telling you what you already know..

ExD1938 · 14/06/2021 12:21

I am thinking along the same lines as Havelock Vet - is the cream you're using left-over from last year. It should have still protected after 3hrs, even on the fairest of children.

ChangePart1 · 14/06/2021 12:22

So when you told her to reapply sun cream she agreed she would do so, when all along she knew she had no intention of doing so?

Yeah, she wouldn’t be seeing my child again without supervision. Ever. You have to be able to trust the person who is caring for your child and she has shown you clearly you absolutely can’t trust her. I’d be fuming and letting her know that’s the last time she’d be seeing my child without supervision.

What the fuck is wrong with your DH?

PrimulaPrimrose · 14/06/2021 12:24

It's practically midsummer: peak burn time!

HoneyzAiy · 14/06/2021 12:26

If he managed to get sunburnt on a not very warm day, imagine if she takes him out on a full summers day, without sun cream. It’s also that she deliberately went against your wishes. I wouldn’t be able to trust her again

Deadringer · 14/06/2021 12:27

If she was apologetic i would be upset but forgiving, as she is not i would be livid! Yanbu

Merryhobnobs · 14/06/2021 12:27

I am a fair Scot too and would need regular application of factor 50. My grandparents took me on holiday abroad and i got burnt they were so, so viligant after that. Stupid, ignorant woman.

WTFisNext · 14/06/2021 12:28

YANBU at all.

Just as a tip though I have a sun sensitive child (comes out in a rash at the slightest hint of UV) and a ginger child and we use the Boots 8 hour play factor 50 suncream. It's genuinely protected my two for entire school days...although I would apply at least halfway through the day again if we were on the beach it's less worrisome than a 3 hour sun cream.

Just to add another perspective. It took a lot of trial and error to find a suncream that didn't react with the sun sensitive child's skin so we made sure there was always shade for her...which admittedly meant carrying a sun parasol around for her but meant we didn't have to stress about suncream or the sun affecting her skin.

Point being, there are ways to be sun sensible that aren't suncream centred, your MIL didn't even do that. She clearly doesn't give a shit about sunburn from your husband's comments. I'd never let her be in charge of your little one between Apr-Oct...and I'd be wary of other things she "believes in" the rest of the year.

MynameisJune · 14/06/2021 12:30

YANBU but did you tell her he’d had the suncream on for a few hours before she took him? Maybe she thought you’d only just applied it and so he wouldn’t need a top up with them only being gone for 3hrs?

I’d definitely get a different brand. He spent what, maybe 2hrs max in the sun, if you account for travel and setting up on the beach etc. Did he have a hat?

I’ve always used either sunsense kids or ultra sun. Plus uva rash suits for my kids. They’ve never burnt and they practically live outside in the summer. Sunsense has an expiry date so you definitely know when it’s past it’s best.

mam0918 · 14/06/2021 12:30

If she had let your child play with the switched on oven hob or a boiled kettle and he got burned because she 'didnt believe' in it being dangerous there would be no excusing it... this is the same thing, your child got BURNED through her deliberate choice.

Also sunburn causes cancer, that is not debatable so her argument makes zero sense. Even if she 'doesnt believe in suncream' and didnt want to use it then she should have kept him out of the sun.

If it was an accident and she missed a spot (say forgot the ears and they got burned etc...) then thats an accident but to proudly declare she choose to and let it happen is abuse/neglect.

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