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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being annoyed at MIL for babies sun burn?

280 replies

HannahAD · 14/06/2021 10:59

Yesterday my MIL took my 21 month old out for the day and specifically asked for him to be wearing “beach appropriate clothes” we live in Scotland and it wasn’t sunny or warm at all when I was getting him ready so I put lightweight leggings and a T-shirt on him and popped a jacket under his pram incase it got any colder. I put sun cream on him and told her the cream was in his bag and would need to be reapplied later if he was getting out of his pram and she agreed. 3 hours later we get him back and he’s very sunburned. I asked about how it was possible when he had factor 50 on and she replied “I don’t believe in suncream as I’ve heard it can cause cancer, so I never put anymore on him ” my partner says I’m being unreasonable for being very annoyed as now my baby is sunburned, uncomfortable and I feel that is very irresponsible.

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 14/06/2021 11:33

As if the sunburn issue wasn’t bad enough it’s her total undermining of you as his Mother that is also offensive and insulting

You gave her clear instructions which frankly shouldn’t have been needed. She is a mother and grandmother.

You also trusted her.

She wouldn’t be having my baby again unsupervised for a very long time after exhibiting such stupidity and disrespect

steakandcheeseplease · 14/06/2021 11:33

Yeah that would be the last time she look after him for me!

Triffid1 · 14/06/2021 11:34

@HannahAD

My partner says I’m over protective because he was burnt a lot as a child. I definitely will not be letting him back out with her unless me or my partner is there.
Your DH is likely at high risk of melanoma and should be careful and keeping a close eye on things.

Also, I also got burnt as a child. Not a lot, but enough. Sadly, I'm extremely high risk as I'm fair skin and have had to have a few moles removed.

I am normally a proponent of "let PIL do their thing with the DC" but this is outrageous. It's not just potential harm, but actual harm and I don't think I could come back from this. If he got burnt and she was deeply apologetic about having forgotten to apply sun cream, that would be different. But this is unacceptable.

SchrodingersMat · 14/06/2021 11:37

That’s absolutely awful, both your partner and his mother are utter morons. I wouldn’t trust either of them to adequately care for your baby without your supervision. Poor wee lad.

Tossblanket · 14/06/2021 11:38

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crystaltips98 · 14/06/2021 11:40

I don't like to put too much suncream on my LO due to the chemicals. BUT... I also have him covered up in a rash vest, hat or playing in the shade so that he doesnt burn and he just has a little bit of cream on his face/forearms.

Original poster
HannahAD · 14/06/2021 11:41

I have to take extra care in the sun as I am very fair and burn very quickly even sometimes with cream on so I’ve always been vigilant with my child about it. My partner wonders why I rely on my parents for childcare maybe because they are cautious and respectful of my child and me

OP posts:
SeraphinaDombegh · 14/06/2021 11:41

YADNBU. I would be explaining to her, in crystal clear language, the harm she has done to your child, both in the short and the long term, and making sure she knows she won't be having him unsupervised again. Your DH also needs to read up on the risks of childhood sunburn and understand that things will be done differently with your DS.

diddl · 14/06/2021 11:42

So your partner thinks that it's ok as he was regularly left to get sunburn as a child?

That makes him sound as stupid as him mother.

I remember burning once-was about 14.

Why anyone would deliberately inflict that on a toddler is beyond me.

Why someone would deliberately strip off a pale skinned child & put them in the sun is also a puzzle!

Rosebel · 14/06/2021 11:44

It wasn't hot or sunny and you put cream on him so I don't understand how he got burned in less than 3 hours.
Of course she should have respected your wishes but it doesn't make sense as to how he got burned with no sun or warmth

Sweettea1 · 14/06/2021 11:46

What suncream are you using just curious as only need to apply once in morning. Obviously reapply after swimming but normally just the once is fine.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/06/2021 11:46

@HannahAD

My partner says I’m over protective because he was burnt a lot as a child. I definitely will not be letting him back out with her unless me or my partner is there.
Then he should remember how painful it is!

Even ignoring the cancer risk (and there is a big cancer risk), sunburn is agonisingly painful - why put a toddler through this?

Sweettea1 · 14/06/2021 11:50

@Rosebel

It wasn't hot or sunny and you put cream on him so I don't understand how he got burned in less than 3 hours. Of course she should have respected your wishes but it doesn't make sense as to how he got burned with no sun or warmth
My thoughts too.
AnUnoriginalUsername · 14/06/2021 11:50

I'd have gone absolutely apeshit. Sun exposure causes cancer. She wouldn't be trusted with my kid again and I'd make it very clear as to why. She has deliberately gone against your instruction and harmed your child.

TheRebelle · 14/06/2021 11:52

If she doesn’t think sun cream is safe that’s up to her, bonkers but not the weirdest thing I’ve heard. What it is not ok to do is then take a small child out in the sun without any protection from sunburn, she could’ve kept him under a shade or taken him somewhere indoors if she really thinks sun cream causes cancer.

PhatPhanny · 14/06/2021 11:52

There is ZERO excuse for a baby to burn, YANBU

Original poster
HannahAD · 14/06/2021 11:52

It wasn’t that sunny when we left the house in the morning but in Scotland the weather changes a lot during the day especially the past few weeks it’s been on and off. I always put cream on him if we are going out because there’s always a chance the sun will come out

OP posts:
NavigatingAdolescence · 14/06/2021 11:59

You need to change sun cream. Ultrasun Family 30spf is brilliant and genuinely lasts all day.

Important to have some sun exposure though for vit d.

user00002 · 14/06/2021 11:59

can we just point out for those who are somehow questioning this - you CAN get burnt even if it is overcast because clouds dont completely block out the suns UV rays. especially if you are very fair and more sensitive to the sun.

Your MIL is cruel to allow him to be sunburnt, its painful and the poor child is not even 2 yet. her beliefs around suncream are a bit conspiratorial too which I would find concerning. does she have any other wacky beliefs?

either way, would never have sole care of my child again. dont believe in suncream, how absurd.

YoComoManzanas · 14/06/2021 11:59

Neither of my kids were let out in the hot summer sun until they were old enough to run about and then they would have suncream shirts hats on etc. I would also avoid the hottest part of the day or find a shady spot to play/walk in. I really don't see any benefit to taking an 11month old to a beach for hours. Surely they will just eat sand anyway. Sure an hour tops for a supervised paddle and some sensory.
I would be questioning mil and dad's responsibility.
I wouldn't confront her I would just try to avoid her having baby unsupervised until baby is old enough to look after themselves.
Although if she does push it I would tell her exactly why and walk away.
I would be tearing partner a new one too and he can be getting up with the uncomfortable baby in the night too for being a twat.

ddl1 · 14/06/2021 12:00

YANBU. People are far more likely to get skin cancer from sunburn than sun cream. At any rate, if she was not prepared, for any reason, to respect your request to use suncream, she should have told you before taking your child out, when you could still have made other arrangements, rather than just going ahead and disregarding your request. The level of sunshine in the last few days has been such to make sun cream quite important.

Original poster
HannahAD · 14/06/2021 12:00

@NavigatingAdolescence I’ll have a look into that one. Thank you x

OP posts:
30mph · 14/06/2021 12:03

Sunburn when I was a child is believed to be a strong factor in my skin cancer as an adult.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 14/06/2021 12:03

Children shouldn't even be in direct sunlight for long periods on hot days.

My DC's group at nursery are doing forest school today and we've been told long sleeve t shirts and leggings, factor 50 sun cream (which the staff will reapply every 2 hours) and sun hat with neck protection. The staff have told us that they will do their best to keep the children in the shade for activities.

No excuse for what your MIL did and, if it was my child, this would be the last time she looked after them alone. I can imagine that in Scotland the weather sometimes catches people unawares, but you specifically provided the suncream and asked her to use it.

BungleandGeorge · 14/06/2021 12:03

Even if the cream says ‘once a day’ the advice is that it will come off and still needs reapplying frequently. Also it’s the chemical ones which last longer, the physical barriers (titanium dioxide usually) which are recommended for young children and sensitive skin need re-applying frequently. If it is a severe burn after 3 hours in the morning after the cream it does sound like she also allowed him to be in direct sunlight. I can’t really understand why she allowed that to happen, I’d be annoyed as well as it wasn’t an accident

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