How often do you see your PIL?

[pilprobs]

Would it bother you if your in laws wanted to visit most weekends?

Pre kids we hardly saw them, since we've had children we can't get rid!

It bothers me but DH response is 'I can't say no, can I'

Yes you bloody can! We get two days a week as a family, I don't want his parents here all of the time!

For context we don't see my parents as much, they live in another country. So maybe I'm being a bitch because I'm a bit jealous... but even if we could, I wouldn't want to spend every weekend together!

YABU - let them come
YANBU - you need to push back

Damn right he can say no. That would drive me insane.

He should be saying no

I’d find it insulting if you never saw them much before but now you have kids they’re suddenly interested

I haven’t seen or heard from PILs since my DH’s funeral nearly two years ago, they send the children a card and some money for Christmas and birthdays

Thanks, glad I'm not the only one that thinks it's too much. Once a month I think is reasonable, it's the whole day gone and I feel like I can't get things done like washing and cleaning.

@FiveGoMadInDorset that's such a shame

Mine were like this. They’d be really put out if they didn’t see us for at least one weekend day, and then slowly they started trying to see us more after work too. Before lockdown; we’d got them to once every two to three weeks… lockdown meant it was much longer; and then they wanted weekly again when it ended. We had an honest chat about it being too much in March, and it’s been every two weeks or so since, but they’ve got funny about it again recently…

Once a week is far too much for me. I’d prefer a decent visit once a month but they’d find that too little, so we’ve tried to meet in the middle…

You really need DH on board, though

How close do they live OP? Mine would live the same level of visits, but I try and send the DC to see them on Saturday mornings while DC1 is at a club. Means I get to tidy up in peace and get washing sorted so we can enjoy the rest of the weekend.

YANBU

I would just go out and leave him to it.

MIL used to be like that at the beginning of our relationship, and used to actually get annoyed if DH spent time with my family over theirs (even though he saw them all the time). Words were had, eventually, and now everything is a lot better, and we see them about twice a month? Maybe once. Tend to see SIL a bit more though.

Every weekend would drive me nuts. As a compromise, could they take the dc or are they too little?

I don't really get this. I see my PILS once a week at a minimum, and we often pop around even more. They were our support bubble during covid. I find them very nice, helpful considerate, and I hope the feeling is mutual, especially as my family is abroad. If anything, that made me appreciate them even more.

My MIL sees her other grandchildren every single weekend ,I'm bloody dreading it!

My DH works shifts so I'm hoping to use that as an excuse so she can't just pop round.

I get on really well with my DP's parents, and we see them every second weekened. Ican't imagine seeing them every week as it takes time and we want to plan other things (as do they). The weekends roll around so quickly, I don't think I'd like having to visit every weekend.

My family lives far away so we only see them every few months.

When I was a child, we went to visit my dad’s parents every Saturday morning and my mum’s parents every Sunday morning. It probably wasn’t what either of my parents really wanted to do; but it did mean we as children had a wonderful relationship with both sets of grandparents.

Do you have to be there when they visit / visit with them? Can’t their visiting morning or afternoon be the time that you use to see your friends / go to the gym / do your own errands and DH facilitates the grandparents spending time with their grandchildren?

Dh mum contacts him via phone mainly even though she lives 3 min drive away.

We see MIL up to twice a week. One day she picks DA up from school then comes in for an hour or so, and then she comes of a weekend to see DH as well l. Only ever for a few hours and she always fits around our plans

We made it clear to both sets of parents that weekends were our time - we'd see them
Maybe once a month - on the same weekend - we both work full time and I went back to work when baby was 5 months - I'm not spending my precious 2 days per week traipsing about the country sitting in someone else's lounge, I've got enough to do! Neither sets of parents work so could easily have come over during week and seen DD.....they never did 🤔

I got rid of the spare room for that reason....
Best decision I made

Not seen them for over 6 years!! Bliss!!

I haven't seen mine for a while. DH and tend to visit our parents with the kids on our own. Can you not do something like this?

@TakeYourFinalPosition wow, I'd be driven mental with after work visits too! I hope you manage to push back!

Send your husband over to theirs for a visit while you crack on with bits.

When you work fulltime I can imagine a full day is just too much.

Three or four times a year. No way could I handle visits most weekends, even though they’re nice people!

That’s way too much, are they pretty local? Is it the kids they want to see?

If so, can they take them out somewhere and spend some quality time with the kids, and also give you a bit of space/time over the weekend?

Way too much. Dh visits every weekend and brings the dc. I get an hour to get work done. I bring mine to see my side of the family. Once in a blue moon we visit each others. I know mil isn't happy and would like to ring me every single day and for me to visit once a week. We have nothing at all in common. They are decent but dh responsibility as far as I'm concerned.

Twice a week, they, my parents and nursery make up our childcare.

I am very aware of how lucky dh and I are that our parents are so willing to be involved in ds life and want to spend time with him.

Before ds, probably once a week, message most days on WhatsApp (we both have siblings abroad so lots of general chat chat and weekly video calls)