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Original poster

I don't want drugs at my wedding

469 replies

Bridezillamaybe · 13/06/2021 19:48

I'm getting married next year. It's been an utterly rubbish year for many many reasons and I am really looking forward to it, having people together and celebrating the future.

We are having 100 guests, approx 70 of which are mine. Ten of them are very old friends of mine, good friends that I've known as part of a larger group for twenty years. We all used to party a lot with drugs (E, amphetamines). I stopped and personally despise drugs but each to their own. They all take coke, not regularly but when there is a big gathering or occasion. The last three weddings we have been at as a group, the hen parties, the big birthdays have seen everyone spending the night doing come and me finding it all quite boring. Generally I make my own fun with whoever else is there and head off to bed when I feel like it. I haven't enjoyed the druggie weddings, nobody dances, everyone just sits shouting self obsessed drivel at each other.

The friendships are real, the meetings are not always dominated by drugs and I've plenty of other friends. No matter how much I say "I don't take drugs" they always seem to forget and keep offering. Occasionally someone takes a swipe about how i used to be fun but generally they don't pay any attention.

So this brings me to my wedding. They are 10% of the guestlist and I want them there. I was talking to a friend about the venue and she said totally serious that there would need to be a private spot for getting away and doing lines. I said I hoped that wouldn't be happening and she got very shirty with me.

I'm not sure if it's relevant but the wedding is costing us 20k, we have been saving / planning for ages. My partner would be disgusted by this behaviour. I feel as the hosts, people should respect our wishes. My friend obviously feels I am being very controlling. She says they are adults and they are also out of pocket to come to the wedding and are entitled to spend their free time as they desire.

Yabu - mind your own business and let people enjoy a party anyway they like
Yanbu - it's your wedding day, they should respect your wishes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridezillamaybe · 14/06/2021 09:32

@Justmuddlingalong

Did you ever take drugs as a wedding guest, back in the day?
Yes at two with the bride and groom years back.
OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 14/06/2021 09:38

Honestly I would move on from this friendship group. Ask yourself this, if you met them at a wedding today would you want to be friends, with out the fun memories?

Surfisup · 14/06/2021 09:44

You're all so responsible and self righteous. Jeez. It must be great to be so much better than those scummy people.

Morgan12 · 14/06/2021 09:45

[quote DeathStare]@morgan12

Of course I don't think they'd eat my kids. But I don't think there's anything unusual - or especially judgemental - about not wanting my kids around a load of people taking coke. Hmm[/quote]
But why?
Would you have them around drunk people? People won't offer your children any coke just the same way they won't offer them any alcohol.

PopsicleHustler · 14/06/2021 09:49

Wow, arrange a private place for us to go and snort cocaine. How awful. Talk about a lack in class!

CookieClub · 14/06/2021 09:51

@Surfisup

You're all so responsible and self righteous. Jeez. It must be great to be so much better than those scummy people.
It's nothing to do with being self-righteous, it's to do with respect - for both yourself and others.

I have, first hand, seen drugs wrecks lives. I understand addiction. As a result of that, I am anti-drugs.
I understand why people turn to drugs and I think there comes a time where people either become self-aware enough to realise that's not who they want to be anymore and they get the help they need to kick the habit....or they don't. Very rarely does drug-taking end nicely.

Clearly the OP friend has an issue, if she can't attend a wedding without thinking 'drugs fun' . Tragic really.

Surfisup · 14/06/2021 09:56

I work with people with drug addiction. It's very different to people taking a bit of coke every now and again, not everyone gets addicted to drugs, hundreds of thousands of people can do it responsibly just like drinking.
I'm sorry you've seen drugs wreck lives, I have too, I've seen far worse with alcohol though. I do think in no a lot of people here are just saying OMG drugs are illegal and have no actual experience of them.
I don't take drugs anymore but some of my friends do. I have never taken drugs at a wedding.
I just think some people here think they are so bloody perfect.

Surfisup · 14/06/2021 09:56

That was to cookieclub

RampantIvy · 14/06/2021 09:59

@Surfisup

You're all so responsible and self righteous. Jeez. It must be great to be so much better than those scummy people.
Why so defensive? You do realise that there are a large number of pockets of society where illegal drugs just don't feature. It isn't unusual.
Ireallydontknowimtired · 14/06/2021 10:01

I judge anyone who knowingly takes in what they don't have to take and can't handle - be it alcohol, weed, cocaine. I have no respect or sympathy for such behaviour. Don't care what it makes me but I'm sure it isn't perfect. I have my vices - I just don't voluntarily do stupid shit that will cause me to go into some sort of stupor or lose self-awareness and put myself or other people in danger. I neither see the appeal nor the need for so-called well-adjusted, mature people.

I do understand and have seen people who've been born into such lifestyle and know nothing else but that. It's a cycle that takes a hell of a person to break. Some do and I say kudos to them.

Morgan12 · 14/06/2021 10:01

You can't say this because of your experience.

Drug taking doesn't always end badly

Millions of people recreationaly use cocaine weekly, monthly, yearly etc. And then go to work, have families, lead normal lives. Just as people do with alcohol.

Morgan12 · 14/06/2021 10:02

@Morgan12

You can't say this because of your experience.

Drug taking doesn't always end badly

Millions of people recreationaly use cocaine weekly, monthly, yearly etc. And then go to work, have families, lead normal lives. Just as people do with alcohol.

I did quote cookie club but it hasn't worked.
CookieClub · 14/06/2021 10:03

@Surfisup

I work with people with drug addiction. It's very different to people taking a bit of coke every now and again, not everyone gets addicted to drugs, hundreds of thousands of people can do it responsibly just like drinking. I'm sorry you've seen drugs wreck lives, I have too, I've seen far worse with alcohol though. I do think in no a lot of people here are just saying OMG drugs are illegal and have no actual experience of them. I don't take drugs anymore but some of my friends do. I have never taken drugs at a wedding. I just think some people here think they are so bloody perfect.
The point is it IS illegal and it is dirty. Cocaine is a dirty drug - and what goes on behind the scenes to get coke into a UK adults back pocket, is vile.

I hope the OP makes her stance very clear to the friend and the friend respects her wishes. The question is..whether the friend will be able to do that? That'll be the real test of how 'controlled' her drug use is.

Changemaname1 · 14/06/2021 10:08

I’m not as anti drugs as some on here well I used to take them in my Youth anyway not now other than the odd bit of weed , but seriously , aside from any of the other issues with it - taking class A drugs to someone wedding Is selfish as fuck

The venue could literally boot the lot of you out . 20k wedding down the pan because a handfull of your mates never grew up Angry

Appletreehat · 14/06/2021 10:08

It's not about being self righteous - it's not normal to take drugs at a wedding. It's abit sad actually. Also, are people really comparing coke to alcohol?Hmm
YANBU - your friends need to respect your wishes, it's as simple as that.

murbblurb · 14/06/2021 10:10

I've had to deal with the aftermath of cuckooing and seen the effects. If you take illegal drugs you are scum. No excuses.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/06/2021 10:16

I've had to deal with the aftermath of cuckooing and seen the effects.
You have to wonder how some in society stooped so low to think of cuckooing?
Cuckooing is one of the reasons alongside DC lives been ruined that drugs should be available legally through a reputable source.
I unfortunately took drugs naively many years ago without thinking of the impact on others.
When you know better you do better.

DeathStare · 14/06/2021 10:17

@morgan12

Christ only on MN would you be questioned as to why you don't want your children around people who are taking drugs. Hmm

But why? Would you have them around drunk people?
Depends how drunk. Some people a bit tipsy - yes. Everyone roaring drunk - no.

People won't offer your children any coke just the same way they won't offer them any alcohol That's not really the point.

Ireallydontknowimtired · 14/06/2021 10:26

People who're intoxicated are unpredictable, more so than those who aren't (before anyone says 'but but humans are unpredictable in general') - you never know what they'd do. I don't blame anyone who wants to get themselves or their children away from potentially dangerous or at the very least, upsetting situations and people. I would and do.

It's only when it's normal to you that you don't think it's an issue.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/06/2021 10:38

Anyone who enjoys a sniff needs to see the Gordon Ramsey documentary. 🤮

KillerFlamingo · 14/06/2021 10:51

In your position, I think I'd go with something diplomatic like,

"You know I don't mind what you do (and I've no room to talk!) but seriously, this is my wedding and my fiancé and family would be really upset. If you are my friends then please respect that and leave the coke or whatever out for a night. Cheers dudes, see you there, it's going to be great, I promise, you won't need anything extra!"

Keep it light but make sure they get the message. If you come across too judgy then they will be pissed off and either fall out with you (which might not be such a bad thing tbh but clearly not what you want) or come and do drugs anyway.

zoemum2006 · 14/06/2021 11:08

Drugs at a WEDDING? Where children are?

Dear lord!!!

Original poster
Bridezillamaybe · 14/06/2021 11:19

Sorry I should have explained this, children generally don't attend weddings here. We will have ours for the ceremony and some food but then the babysitters will take them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridezillamaybe · 14/06/2021 11:20

@KillerFlamingo

In your position, I think I'd go with something diplomatic like,

"You know I don't mind what you do (and I've no room to talk!) but seriously, this is my wedding and my fiancé and family would be really upset. If you are my friends then please respect that and leave the coke or whatever out for a night. Cheers dudes, see you there, it's going to be great, I promise, you won't need anything extra!"

Keep it light but make sure they get the message. If you come across too judgy then they will be pissed off and either fall out with you (which might not be such a bad thing tbh but clearly not what you want) or come and do drugs anyway.

I think this advice is perfect, particularly the I'm not one to talk piece. I will go with this much closer to the day.
OP posts:
Ireallydontknowimtired · 14/06/2021 11:25

Why much closer to the day when they must have put plans in place and may feel more put out by you springing it on them? Why not early enough so they'll know and be prepared? Is it that you don't want to give them a chance to decide not to attend? Don't get it but it's your wedding.