Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

caught friends husband with another women..

340 replies

Lora918 · 12/06/2021 17:23

I feel terrible and just want to share. My friend (actually DH's friend, I met her and her husband through him) has been speaking about problems in her marriage for the past 2 years - she speaks about the lack of attention her husband shows and that he is always away.

Today DH and I went out to eat. We saw friends husband with a young girl. He was shocked to see us as shocked as I was. I went and sat away and saw them leave hurriedly. Then DH (he is his friend too) said that they know about this and that its not their place to say anything other than tell him what he is doing is disgusting.

I feel terrible. I have the worst headache all day and just feel horrid. Friend called said she wanted to meet up on Monday I had to make an excuse because I just cant bring myself to talk to her.

OP posts:
reallyisthisallthereis · 12/06/2021 21:40

I'd tell her and I wouldn't be impressed with my DH expecting me to keep a secret like that.
My mum was in this position with my Dad having an affair. The marriage was over anyway but she more upset that everybody knew but hadn't told her, including her best friend.

Yesmate · 12/06/2021 21:41

Tell her. Don’t ask the husband to tell her. Tell her. You won’t be ruining the marriage. He did that. Please, tell her. As hard as it will be.

Wowzel · 12/06/2021 21:43

I'd tell her.

Years ago my boyfriend (who I lived with) was cheating on me with a friend. None of our other friends told me, and I have never forgotten that

BarbarianMum · 12/06/2021 21:44

I'd tell her what you saw. Then it's up to her what she wants to do with that information. It doesnt have to be the end of her marriage but at least she would understand what is happening and can make an active choice. At the moment stuff is just being done to her. Sad

PurpleMustang · 12/06/2021 22:08

Sorry but this guy is not exactly hiding his bit away flaunting her down the local pub. Its almost like he wants to be caught so he has to end it. And I would also be questioning your husbands judgement too, its ok coz he will end it and wifey at home dont need to know! He has great morals

Original poster
Lora918 · 12/06/2021 22:34

Hi, I'm shaking and so angry.

Called her told her I saw her husband with amother women. She said oh yeah he told me he was with a colleague and that be bumped into you and husband. I said well they looked very friendly and left hurriedly once seeing us and she laughed it off saying 'oh you know ××× can be over friendly and likes a laugh'

Then 10 mins later DH gets a message on group from the cheat saying 'cant you make your wife behave' on a group they have!!

Someone asked who they are. DH, the cheat, his wife, 2 other men and a women were all friends from same street growing up. CheAt and wife married after and group has stayed friends since with me entering once I started dating DH. AND now DH ADMITS THE WHOLe group knows and that the women and her husband even went out for a few meals with the cheat and his 'girlfriend' I'm fuming

OP posts:
Original poster
Lora918 · 12/06/2021 22:34

Sorry for typos I'm so so so angry. I want to screen shot Nd sent to wife but DH says the wife must know it's true and she clearly doesn't want to know

OP posts:
alwayswithhope · 12/06/2021 22:37

Sorry but your DH isn’t coming out well of this. Zero morals. I’d be very concerned for your own marriage as your DH seems to have shown his true colours here.

alwayswithhope · 12/06/2021 22:38

Sounds like Cheater treats women like a commodity expecting your DH to keep you in line as his woman. I’d be saying to DH you both won’t be having any further to do with Cheater in future

Yesmate · 12/06/2021 22:41

He’s an absolute shit and to be honest your DH and his mates aren’t much better

Merryoldgoat · 12/06/2021 22:41

I’m not joking, I’d have to seriously reconsider my relationship if my husband would be complicit in a friend being unfaithful. It just speaks of such low moral fibre.

Going out with the cheat and his OW when they’re all supposed to be friends. Urgh.

Staying out of it is bad enough, condoning it is unacceptable.

Original poster
Lora918 · 12/06/2021 22:45

@Merryoldgoat

I’m not joking, I’d have to seriously reconsider my relationship if my husband would be complicit in a friend being unfaithful. It just speaks of such low moral fibre.

Going out with the cheat and his OW when they’re all supposed to be friends. Urgh.

Staying out of it is bad enough, condoning it is unacceptable.

The other girl friend and her husband went out with the cheat and his 'girlfriend'

I'm so angry I don't know if friend really believes the cheat. DH is adamant that she knows but just doesn't want to know. I don't know what else I can do

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 12/06/2021 22:46

This is despicable. I don't think I could stay with my husband if I were you knowing all that.

Original poster
Lora918 · 12/06/2021 22:46

She just called me back. And said thank you for today I'd be very happy if you don't mention this to anyone else. People might assume the wrong thing.

I'm so so shocked

OP posts:
HairyToity · 12/06/2021 22:48

I found out one of DH's friends had an affair. I'm friendly with the wife. We kept out of it. Wife never found out. It's six years ago now, and they are still happily married. Affair is long over.

I'd forget about it. Put it to the back of your mind.

Original poster
Lora918 · 12/06/2021 22:49

I think she has blocked me!!! DH just showed me her story - she shared a picture of her husband and son on WhatsApp with a foreign language written under but I cant see it on my.phone. I can't see her profile pic too but can see a profile pic on DH phone??? Has she blocked me. Can this be something else. I'm so shocked.

OP posts:
tropicalwaterdiver · 12/06/2021 22:50

She prefers to turn a blind eye it seems...
Is she SAHM? Is he a bread winner?

LadyCatStark · 12/06/2021 22:51

You’ve done your best and now your conscience is clear. I’m pretty sure she just doesn’t want to know...

Womencanlift · 12/06/2021 22:51

OP I think you need to respect her decision. You have done as much as you can regardless whether you agree with how everyone, including your DH, is dealing with this

It’s likely she does know and she is sticking her head in the sand. That’s her choice and you can’t and shouldn’t be pushing for anything else to happen

timeisnotaline · 12/06/2021 22:52

I’d be feeling so betrayed by my husband. And very difficult to continue with his friends. Have you said to him: I’m stunned at your attitude to an affair, how am I supposed to know you wouldn’t forgive yourself for ‘accidentally falling into one’? And your friends would all help hide it from me, I can’t look at any of you the same way. Spouting drivel like ‘ that he wants to end affair and just asked for time???’ Oh diddums he weally weally wants to end it it’s just so HARD and ending extramarital affairs takes months, everyone knows that! Well I don’t.

Mydogmylife · 12/06/2021 22:52

@Lora918

She just called me back. And said thank you for today I'd be very happy if you don't mention this to anyone else. People might assume the wrong thing.

I'm so so shocked

And how do you feel about your husbands behaviour through all this? Honestly I couldn't look at him in the same way again
LadyCatStark · 12/06/2021 22:52

Yes it sounds like she’s blocked you. When it all comes out at least you’ll be the only one who comes out of it squeaky clean.

Original poster
Lora918 · 12/06/2021 22:53

@tropicalwaterdiver

She prefers to turn a blind eye it seems... Is she SAHM? Is he a bread winner?
She's a practitioner. Has a good career
OP posts:
Scoleah · 12/06/2021 22:54

I'd tell your friend and be loyal to her.
The last thing you want to do is let her DH tell her then let slip you saw him with the Girl, that will hurt her more.

StartupRepair · 12/06/2021 22:55

What a nasty group of friends. Your DH surrounds himself with people who have zero resort for women.