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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling rubbish because of something which happened at the school's gates

324 replies

Banana7 · 11/06/2021 16:18

Hi,

I'm not in the best place right now. I'm feeling judged and not liked by other parents in my son's class (Year 1). As a shy and very unconfident woman, I'm trying really hard when I do school drop and pick up to at least say hi to someone but it always costs me.
I know about 4/5 mums and we do little things with the children but I always have to force myself to organise play dates and so forth (the offers rarely come from them) . My son is on the spectrum for ASD and finds socialising a struggle at best. He hates playgounfs6, birthday parties, soft plays, all the places where you get to know people. Anyway, I'm trying to get him to be with friends outside of school, and I'd like to be on good terms with more parents.

Tonight, this is what happened and now I'm feeling depressed as I feel I've been attacked, and I don't understand why. I was walking off with my son after school when something hit me hard at the back of my foot. I yelped in pain and turned around "Ouch". This little girl was on her scooter behind me, and apologised. The mum apologised too and said "Sorry, she let go". I saw an opportunity to talk to someone new and bent down to speak to the little girl, and said in a really playful mode "Ouchee, that really hurt"... I was of course going to straight away make a nice comment on her scooter, or ask her if she was in my son's class (she is) but the mum rudely cut me off and walked off, saying to her daughter "She's not hurt, let's go, come on". And that was it. I felt stranded, being treated like dirt and I just didn't know what to do. Of course, I now can't stop thinking about it. I don't want it to ruin my weekend but the way things are at the moment, I'm worried my mental health (already fragile) is going to spiral down. I could really do with some support.

OP posts:
Iceybirb · 11/06/2021 18:11

@stackemhigh

The amount of people being rude to an OP who has started her OP with ‘i’m not in the best place right now’ is unreal.

You can give advice without calling her rude or weird.

Has anyone actually being rude?

OP asked for opinions, and I'm just seeing people gently saying how they would have interpreted it if it had been them.

Feelinglow8736 · 11/06/2021 18:12

@korawick12345

Well you are an adult who was hurt accidentally by a child who apologised, whose parent also apologised and then after that you decided to say 'ouchee that hurt" to the child! It's not really surprising the other parent saw you as making a fuss over nothing.
This
user00002 · 11/06/2021 18:12

OP I would probably request to get this moved to another board, a lot of people on here have the emotional intelligence and understanding of a tea spoon and see every post on AIBU as a fair game opportunity.

despairing at the comment about OP having a victime mindset - such an uneducated comment about why some who suffer with anxiety go over and over scenarios in there head and catastrophize.

stackemhigh · 11/06/2021 18:12

@Iceybirb missed all the people telling OP was weird or rude?

Livelovebehappy · 11/06/2021 18:13

The over analysing of OPs comment on here is unreal. The op meant the comment in a jokey way. The child wasn’t wrong - it was an accident. The mother wasn’t wrong - she apologised. The OP wasn't wrong - she was making a light hearted off the cuff comment. I’m sure the child and mother have totally forgotten the incident already, so I don’t understand why people on here are putting the boot in when op is clearly anxious. When you see some of the comments on here by people supposedly intelligent enough to see the situation for what it is, it’s easy to see why some mums stress on the school runs. It’s just bonkers.

LivingWithWeeds · 11/06/2021 18:13

The other mum was so rude to say that! I am sorry you feel like crap. I'm a sensitive soul and this would have upset me too.

cadburyegg · 11/06/2021 18:13

So a small child ran into you, apologised, and the mum apologised too. What a non event. That should have been the end of it. What you said was odd. The other mum obviously didn't pick up on the fact you were joking. The school run home on a friday probably isn't the best time to make new friends either. It's not that you were even at the gates, you were on the way home. Everyone's tired, ratty, and wants to get home

sunnyblackwidow · 11/06/2021 18:14

@Banana7 AIBU is for the very thick skinned, people come in here to be 'brutally honest' which is sometimes just an excuse to be quite unkind, why don't you repost on the MH board ?

WorraLiberty · 11/06/2021 18:15

As much as it was clearly unintentional on your part, it did sound as though you ignored the child's apology and that probably annoyed the mum.

On a different note, it's nice if you happen make a friend or two at your child's school but it sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself and other parents.

The school is there first and foremost for your child. If making friends with other mums is important to you, see if you can join some local friendship groups.

cookiecreampie · 11/06/2021 18:17

The kid said sorry and that should have been the end of it but you carried it on which has annoyed the mum. I don't think this was your intention though so just try and put it behind you and don't try too hard in future because all this school business doesn't matter as much as you think it does.

Iceybirb · 11/06/2021 18:17

[quote stackemhigh]@Iceybirb missed all the people telling OP was weird or rude?[/quote]
Nobody has said to the op that's she's weird or rude.

They've said they would find her behaviour or reaction weird, or odd.

That's not the same. If op wants to meet people and make friends it might benefit her to see how other people might have misinterpreted her reaction in situations like this.

I don't think anyone is being up front bitchy, just giving their take on how they would have responded. Isn't that the point of such threads?

Babymeanswashing · 11/06/2021 18:17

I don’t think it’s horrible or unpleasant to explain how the other mum probably took it. It’s a shame for the OP but it was an odd comment and I would want to step in before someone made my child feel bad too.

Whatthefucculent · 11/06/2021 18:17

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully Did you mistake that emoji🖕 for a pointer finger☝ or were you meaning to flip the op off?😂😂

MrsWhites · 11/06/2021 18:17

I think in your eagerness to make friends you jumped in without thinking about what you were saying. The child and mother had both apologised, even if you were hurt a little there is very little else they can do. Berating her daughter after the apology was never going to win you a friend. The mum probably felt you were trying to make her child feel bad for what was a genuine accident.

In my experience you won’t get on with every mum at the school gates but you don’t need to. Our school has mum WhatsApp groups which I don’t understand, we don’t need to go on mum nights out for our children to be friends.

Do you have access to any support groups, activity groups for your son etc? You are far more likely to find a friend there than the school gate.

Don’t try so hard at school, just smile and be friendly, if you get chatting great but if not don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s not the end of the world.

duckegg1 · 11/06/2021 18:19

It's a little odd to have bent down to the child's level and said 'ouch that really hurt' she, and her mum had already apologised and it wasn't appropriate. The child probably already felt worried because she'd hurt you. If I was the mum, id think you were about to make my child feel bad about the accident, which is why she took her away and told her you weren't really hurt.

You should have said 'ah, no worries! It happens!' and a smile. Then if they responded you could have had a conversation.

If you aren't already, maybe look into getting some counselling for your anxiety or contact your GP.

stackemhigh · 11/06/2021 18:22

@Iceybirb

Nobody has said to the op that's she's weird or rude.

Actual quotes from upthread:

‘You were the weird one.’

‘You were the rude one.’

sixthtimelucky · 11/06/2021 18:22

It is a bit odd what you said and I understand the other mum's reaction, but I don't want to make you feel worse! We all say silly things when we're feeling awkward or shy - I've made an entire career of it. I felt like this when my kids were young but years later I discussed it with mums I'd by then known for years and they all said they get exactly the same ie that no-one liked them etc. Hope you're ok x

SleepyPartyTime · 11/06/2021 18:39

OP I would probably request to get this moved to another board, a lot of people on here have the emotional intelligence and understanding of a tea spoon and see every post on AIBU as a fair game opportunity.

Yup. Who would read an OP by someone who says she has no confidence and isn't in a good place and decide it's the best opportunity to have a go at her. Just nasty.

Original poster
Banana7 · 11/06/2021 18:41

Wow, so many responses!!! I'm amazed at the level of interest this post got. My intention was NEVER to chastise the little girl. On the contrary, that was said in a very playful tone with a smile. The mum basically didn't give me a chance to say anything else.
I'm in such a bad place for other reasons right now that I read negativity in lots of things. Thanks to the people who understood how bad I'm feeling and who provided words of support instead of making me feel even worse than I feel. I'm planning to be over friendly with that mum as her daughter is in my little boy's class and after school club.

OP posts:
me4real · 11/06/2021 18:41

Maybe it's partly that they were in a hurry to get home.

Of course, I now can't stop thinking about it. I don't want it to ruin my weekend but the way things are at the moment, I'm worried my mental health (already fragile) is going to spiral down. I could really do with some support.

You could look into some different medications and therapy. I used to be like this until I learned to get angry rather than sad if someone treated me badly, and not care so much about people's opinions. But that took a long time.

I had EMDR therapy for childhood bullying and stuff, which was really good.

Please go back to your GP/consultant and tell them how you're feeling so they can try/arrange something new.

Look into any other options for accessing therapy- I'm not earning but I prioritized therapy and paid for it. It was worth it.

greyinganddecaying · 11/06/2021 18:42

OP - I'm in a similar situation to you, it's tough.

Hope you're feeling a bit better about it now.

Original poster
Banana7 · 11/06/2021 18:42

Thank you for YOUR emotional intelligence ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
Banana7 · 11/06/2021 18:43

Thank you.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 11/06/2021 18:43

I'm planning to be over friendly with that mum
What exactly does this mean? 😬

LoopTheLoops · 11/06/2021 18:44

Tbh if this had happened to me I would have thought you was looking for an argument, especially after they both apologised, like it wasn’t good enough for you