To think he is stingy

[whattheefffff]

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

Been with DP for around 18 months. We discussed him moving in as we live spending time together and miss each other when apart but after some thought he decided not to as financially it wouldn’t make sense for him. He lives with his parents currently and doesn’t have many outgoings. He currently buying a buy-to-let property and plans to continue staying at his parents rent-free. They don’t mind this and are moving abroad soon for 6 months so he will have the house to himself.

My thing is, he has practically moved in with me. He’s here every day other than the weekends he has his kids over and half of the school holidays half terms - his parents house is bigger and they like to see the kids. He doesn’t contribute towards any of my rent, bills or food shopping - although he does buy most of our takeaways (one dinner a week and lunch once or twice a week), and will get us drinks and snacks from the shop sometimes - we tend to take it on turns.

I feel a bit resentful that he is happy for me to pay for all the food shop as well as everything else and not feel like he should contribute. His side so that he could be at his parents not having to pay any rent or bills and he pays for most of the takeaways.

He is also insured to my car and he pays the extra bit to ensure he is covered. I just did the new policy and it’s the same amount with him or without. He doesn’t have to pay anything but I said he should at least contribute towards it so he said he will pay £10 a month towards it - I pay remaining £60. I think that’s stingy! And he could at least pay £20 considering it’s saving him money he would have spent on Uber.

I’ve genuinely found him quite stingy but don’t know if I have unrealistic expectations of a man. I don’t expect to have everything paid for but I do expect a man who is in a position to help to just be a bit more generous. He has the money and has an expensive hobby which costs around £500 a month and I think seeing how easily he can blow cash on this but not contribute towards shopping, bills, car insurance, is making me resentful. I feel like I’d rather he just stays at his parents house and then I won’t have any expectations of him.

Other than the finance stuff he is lovely but this issue around money seems to pop up again and again.

So, what do you think? AIBU?

Whilst it's not the most serious part of the exchange, I'm agog at him expecting payment for assembling some furniture.

@whattheefffff

He's messaged me asking what I'm up to 😒 I'm ignoring. Still can't believe his initial response and now him trying to continue like everything is normal.

Of course he is, because you've given him no other indication of anything otherwise. He will never see any other perspective but his, and his is that he and his money are no. 1 and everyone else is secondary to this. He told you, 'what do you contribute to ME'. Until you are able to say, 'This is it. This relationship is OVER,' he will continue to take advantage of you.

What he offers you isn't love, it's parasitism. After all, he's getting paid and fed to rub your feet and shag you as long as he throws in a couple of takeaways.

@Freckers

Whilst it's not the most serious part of the exchange, I'm agog at him expecting payment for assembling some furniture.

Indeed I can picture it being a mentally stored excel file Mowing lawn £10 Cleaning kitchen £9.00 Sexual services 'priceless' Etc With the credit column including takeaways and a dribble of petrol quarterly in the car

Such a tight bastard. I just couldn't find anyone like this in the least bit attractive. You can do better!! And be a lot happier ☺️

Honestly OP, you bought his children gifts yet he ignored your son????

Really????

Very poor.

No one is that good a shag.

@osbertthesyrianhamster
Exactly.

"This is it. Your free ride is OVER. We are OVER"

He sent another message so I replied back, a long message just outlining the points I made in the phone convo and highlighting his pathetic responses such as me not paying him to put up the bed, saying it's embarrassing on him. He hasn't replied, not sure if he will...I did go in with the message...mentally I don't care anymore. I also sent him a meme of my own....'you're not asking too much, you're asking the wrong person'.

He so expects you to be grateful he is in your life.....
What a twat.

OP you were not being respected... this guy is a taker.. with every disrespectful message he sends you.. he is showing who he is... 🌸

Good for you OP I've just read the whole thread with my mouth hanging open.

He is a tightwad. I can't believe he has been keeping a running total in his head this whole time of all the little odd jobs he's done for you just so he can throw them back in your face. Funny how he hasn't been keeping track of all the hundreds of meals you've cooked for him or nights you've hosted him isn't it?

He will never change. Men like this never will. Does he have a key for your house and car? You'll need to get those back and/or change the locks. Now the gravy train is ending he'll want to get one last pay day.

He'll tell his next girlfriend that you were a gold digger; that he wanted to build a future for his kids but you expected him to pay for all your food and you charged him to stay over... these guys are all the same.

I'm really sorry you've had this experience OP but just think how much the next guy will contribute to your life now that you know what to not put up with!

Yes, good for you OP.

Sounds like the ick kicked in as soon as you began to think clearly. Onwards and upwards.

@whattheefffff

I also sent him a meme of my own....'you're not asking too much, you're asking the wrong person'.

Very good, OP. 👏🏻👏🏻

Also I second changing your door locks - and, additionally, getting a wheel lock for your car whether or not he's still got any keys for that.

Stay strong - you really can do without such a taker in your life. 🌹

There's someone out there for you OP, someone really lovely who wants to be kind to you and your son and treat you both more than fairly because he loves you. That's not the guy who wants paying for putting up flat pack furniture but lesson learned, breaking up is crap but you've done the hard bit

The dreaded cock lodger

It’s astonishing how these men exist, when you think about it.

You’re well out of it, OP. Good for you. No more wasted time.

You’re doing the right thing. You’ll meet someone fantastic, you’ve got your head screwed on right to have got to this point and know what to look out for in future

He’s bringing up putting together furniture (from which he benefits!) and that you didn’t pay him?! How much does he think cooking every night costs you, food, time shopping, gas? Then no doubt he has breakfast at yours, too? Lunatic thinking on his behalf.

Pure cocklodger. He won’t pay rent became hasn’t moved in, yet is there every night he doesn’t have his kids? I bet his ex’s vag glued itself shut too. Ugh.

Send him this one next time

Okay, I'm going to be straight with you here, OP.

I'm no oil painting, although back in the day I was. In the past two weeks I've been out I could have had men half my age, good looking ones. They offered! You are paying this man to shag you and be in your life. Back when I was 30 and good-looking, other males I knew who were in homosexual relationships put it best to me and I listened, 'A man would never put up with this from another man, so why do you?'

Until you realise this man tells you all the time in actions and words what he believes of you, don't accept it and dismiss him from your life he will continue to take advantage of you. He doesn't care about memes and lists.

There was a post on here some time ago that I saved and printed it out for my daughter. 'Would you trade a diamond the size of your fist that is your heart for £50 of NEXT vouchers? No? So why do you?'

Every day you don't cut this bloke off is another day you leave the door open to him to continue to fuck you over.

All these lists and memes and such, he doesn't give a rap.

He felt resentful that you didn't pay him to assemble a bit of furniture. Bloody hell

You should have said he never paid you to cook him a meal (and added all the other things you did that benefitted him, even if they benefitted you too).

He only sees what he does and thinks he should gain from it. But all that you do, and the money it saves him, he feels entitled to.

Ever heard the saying What's yours is mine, what's mine's my own. ?

He's complaining that you didn't pay him to assemble a bed! I'm presuming he's slept in that bed, I'm also presuming he's eaten meals you've prepared, stayed in a house you've paid for and cleaned, sat on sofas you've paid for. He really needs to have a word with himself

Get him off your car insurance today...

Did he reply OP?

Just caught up on updates. I can't get over what he said! But as you have said, sometimes that reaction is better, it keeps you focused on getting rid. Did he reply again?