To think he is stingy

[whattheefffff]

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

Been with DP for around 18 months. We discussed him moving in as we live spending time together and miss each other when apart but after some thought he decided not to as financially it wouldn’t make sense for him. He lives with his parents currently and doesn’t have many outgoings. He currently buying a buy-to-let property and plans to continue staying at his parents rent-free. They don’t mind this and are moving abroad soon for 6 months so he will have the house to himself.

My thing is, he has practically moved in with me. He’s here every day other than the weekends he has his kids over and half of the school holidays half terms - his parents house is bigger and they like to see the kids. He doesn’t contribute towards any of my rent, bills or food shopping - although he does buy most of our takeaways (one dinner a week and lunch once or twice a week), and will get us drinks and snacks from the shop sometimes - we tend to take it on turns.

I feel a bit resentful that he is happy for me to pay for all the food shop as well as everything else and not feel like he should contribute. His side so that he could be at his parents not having to pay any rent or bills and he pays for most of the takeaways.

He is also insured to my car and he pays the extra bit to ensure he is covered. I just did the new policy and it’s the same amount with him or without. He doesn’t have to pay anything but I said he should at least contribute towards it so he said he will pay £10 a month towards it - I pay remaining £60. I think that’s stingy! And he could at least pay £20 considering it’s saving him money he would have spent on Uber.

I’ve genuinely found him quite stingy but don’t know if I have unrealistic expectations of a man. I don’t expect to have everything paid for but I do expect a man who is in a position to help to just be a bit more generous. He has the money and has an expensive hobby which costs around £500 a month and I think seeing how easily he can blow cash on this but not contribute towards shopping, bills, car insurance, is making me resentful. I feel like I’d rather he just stays at his parents house and then I won’t have any expectations of him.

Other than the finance stuff he is lovely but this issue around money seems to pop up again and again.

So, what do you think? AIBU?

That's fair enough but not buying your child anything is horrible and so sad, children love birthdays and are usually excited with even a little something as a gift
Did that upset you as it would have me

Wow. Just him blatantly pointing out that you paid his mate for doing jobs for you but didn't pay him is a huge red flag.
Why the hell would that even cross his mind....but it obviously did. Who even thinks like that.
His whole focus is on money. Saving it and making it. Not good.

@sappyscurry it did upset me but I justified it to myself at the time because he helped with the Christmas and birthday prep that DS benefitted from and enjoyed. DS didn't notice he didn't get a present from him. I bought his DC xmas presents.

He reminds me of one of those people that never has money, always subsidised but to a low level amount, never amounts that are overt CF-ery. People are quite happy to fund them/don't think too much of it , it's only small amounts right? Then they turn around one day and cheerily announce they're buying a house outright/going on a dream holiday or disclose their $1m pension fund. It's interesting that when he texted after lashing out, it wasn't to apologize or be open to talking about it, but basically to just smooth things over, sad face etc. Sure he'll be perfectly happy to forget the conversation ever happened!

It makes it easier that he reacted like that. I noted down the stuff he said and obvs it's in this post so I'll always have it as a reminder. Also, I didn't realise that he didn't just send the emojis, above that he had sent (via social media), a meme that says 'sometimes your soulmate is money, stop forcing relationships'.

This has shown me everything, including how immature he is. I haven't responded to him.

He didn't buy your child an Xmas present

That was 6 months ago, why are you still with him ?

How mean, how stingy, horrible !

Sometimes your soulmate is money????

WTF?

As for not paying him to help build some furniture 🙄 just shows you that everything is transactional. He rubs your feet etc etc because it means he doesn't have to dip his hand in his pocket. If he was broke/low earner you would be "fair enough" but he's just right through and through.

Delete him, spend your time & money on you & your children

Find some hobbies or friends & family

@whattheefffff

It makes it easier that he reacted like that. I noted down the stuff he said and obvs it's in this post so I'll always have it as a reminder. Also, I didn't realise that he didn't just send the emojis, above that he had sent (via social media), a meme that says 'sometimes your soulmate is money, stop forcing relationships'.

This has shown me everything, including how immature he is. I haven't responded to him.

Marvellous- his ‘soul mate’ can rent him a flat and get him a car then

What a fucking loser

It was not the Xmas present
It was the lack of effort, lack of thought
Not even a £1 xmas selection box or a bar of chocolate

@1stDay123456

He didn't buy your child an Xmas present

That was 6 months ago, why are you still with him ?

How mean, how stingy, horrible !

That's what I thought, how much does a little superhero t shirt or some pj's or a toy cost ? Ten quid means more to him than being kind to a little boy on his special day. He's dreadful

@whattheefffff

It makes it easier that he reacted like that. I noted down the stuff he said and obvs it's in this post so I'll always have it as a reminder. Also, I didn't realise that he didn't just send the emojis, above that he had sent (via social media), a meme that says 'sometimes your soulmate is money, stop forcing relationships'.

This has shown me everything, including how immature he is. I haven't responded to him.

This one?

I sort of feel redundant posting here as you've clearly worked out he's horrible but can I just add that all his whinging that he "contributes to your life" is missing the point that he's NOT contributing financially? Putting up a bed? Okay, sure, perhaps a handyman would have charged for that. But more likely, you'd have done it yourself or got a friend to help.

And yes to all the other posters commenting on hi not getting your DC a small present. Wanker.

@whattheefffff

It makes it easier that he reacted like that. I noted down the stuff he said and obvs it's in this post so I'll always have it as a reminder. Also, I didn't realise that he didn't just send the emojis, above that he had sent (via social media), a meme that says 'sometimes your soulmate is money, stop forcing relationships'.

This has shown me everything, including how immature he is. I haven't responded to him.

Think about how he actually searched that meme out to post it…..what search terms would you even use for that ?? Unbelievable 🤦🏻‍♀️

The thing that pisses me off here is his attitude towards his poor parents. Just how has he set them up so well that he doesn't need to pay for anything? Have his parents told you this? Any decent person would contribute towards household costs, no matter how wealthy the homeowner is! This man feels that his presence adds value in any situation so therefore he does not need to pay his way in the world. He is full of shit. I'd love to hear his parents side! Please, he is not amazing, perfect or anything of the sort, he is a leech out to bleed you dry and expect you to thank him for it.

He's emotionally abusive as well as financially abusive. My ex literally stole thousands from me and I kick myself over and over. He was very similar sounding to your prize specimen. In the early days when I called him on constantly spending my money he said all I cared about was money and then didn't speak to me for days while I pleaded my case, hopping to his tune as he clearly planned. Then next time you notice it you don't say anything because that is what he has trained you to do. Mine was the same as well "I bought you some christmas decorations" was one of his lines. So he thought some 99p tat was the equaivalent to living for free. Thank goodness you have seen the light. Do not waste your time waiting for him to love bomb you because he has just lost his free ride. Block the dick and buy some fizz and get you and your DC a lovely takeaway all for yourselves. Do not take him back!!!!

It's also telling that he will spend when he thinks it's worthwhile. The £500 a month on his hobby. That's a lot. That's my monthly food shopping budget for the family. And he can splash that on a non-necessity. But £10 extra a week to chip in his part of your meal box budget? No, he doesn't like that idea and justifies it because he buys a takeaway instead. So your cooking and providing evening meals for him isn't worth £40 a month. The absolute brass neck of it!

I have read all your posts.

He wants, he wants, he wants...everything for free.

He deserves...to be pushed head first into the whirring blades of a combine harvester.

Sorry about the violent imagery but there's some piss here that's definitely boiling after reading about this greedy selfish bastard.

@SilverGoblin

I have read all your posts.

He wants, he wants, he wants...everything for free.

He deserves...to be pushed head first into the whirring blades of a combine harvester.

Sorry about the violent imagery but there's some piss here that's definitely boiling after reading about this greedy selfish bastard.

Don't apologise only the professionally offended would pull you up for that image

He's messaged me asking what I'm up to 😒 I'm ignoring. Still can't believe his initial response and now him trying to continue like everything is normal.

Say
Drinking perfectly chilled Chablis and lovely food with cake and Haagen Dazs for DS in the garden
Must got that sounds like my friends at the door - enjoy your evening
Byeeeeeeee

Or ignore

It’s as predicted as a poster up thread, he’s pretending you will ‘get over it’ and act like nothing has been said
Anyway suggest you do exactly the scenario with the wine and cake etc, and have a lovely evening
Take care

Keep ignoring. That's a blatant attempt to get you to pretend the whole conversation never happened.

My evil twin would be wanting to reply 'I'm working out my food budget for next week. Guess you're counting your massive piles of money?' But really, silence sends the best message for now.

Or post this in your social media

'sometimes your soulmate is money, stop forcing relationships'.

For my son he didn't do anything or get him a Christmas present. I bought his DC xmas presents.

He said I paid his friend to do a house job, but I didn't pay him to put up the beds and furniture.

He basically said that he won't pay towards rent or bills as he isn't on the lease and he didn't ask to move to in.

Wow, so many red flags here. You've had such a lucky escape! (Sorry I've posted before but I'm so mad on your behalf!) So glad you've seen this now and not in five years time when you might have had a child with this CF.

I'm literally lost for words that he thinks he can eat at your every night but won't contribute towards bills 'because he's not on the lease' clearly he's gotten that used to freeloading that he thinks food shopping is free.

He completely disrespected your son by not buying him a Christmas present and you let him.

He should have been out the door on his backside there and then.

I just can’t believe you let this happen. Your poor son.