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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp being too forceful

474 replies

Whereswally2 · 11/06/2021 10:51

sorry dont know If this will be triggering to some

A couple of times now whe do goes through his "extra on heat" days he has found it appropriate to grab my head and push me down onto him for oral. At the time I've thought nothing of it and would laugh at him whilst he was doing it, but I would be pushing back against him to get my head back up and he wouldnt give. I'm my partners first and only gf so I dont know where he has picked that up from (porn maybe?) I took it to be light hearted and would tell him that doing this would get him no where however now that I'm thinking about it, it's just plain disrespectful joke or not. I know that if I gave in and gave him head from it he would be quite happy so there is obviously some sort of truth to his actions. I just think it's a horrible way to show his frustration. We have a newborn and arent really having sex so yes he maybe horny but honestly this is just a turn off.

I know it sounds really bad writing it down and I most likely should of felt like this sooner but I'm used to my sexual encounters being a give and not receive bases so I guess it just went past me. Sad really. In terms of sex life it is never equal. Its primarily me performing for dp. I've gone above and beyond for him and cant say he has ever done anything for me. He doesnt make me climax but then again no one ever has. When I pull him up on it he says he would love to put more effort into me during sex but I dont let him and restrict him (which is not true I just dont like oral). He has plenty of opportunity but never acts upon it.

What I'm trying to get at is the head forcing something worth getting into an arguement about, because I know that's what it will become

OP posts:
AmberIsACertainty · 11/06/2021 23:33

[quote Whereswally2]@An0n0n0n
I do that. I stand my grand and tell him he needs to man up and isnt acceptable. I say no. I cry no. But his sulking can last all day and it wears me down. We get no where when he is like that. It's like communicating with a brick wall. So eventually I forgive him so we can actually talk like adults and move on. I dont know how else to enforce my boundaries. He knows I have them he just doesnt respect them[/quote]
You walk away from people who don't respect your boundaries after you've clearly communicated them. That's the correct thing to do. You have boundaries by simply having them and removing people from your identity who don't respect those boundaries. You don't 'ask' for boundaries, you don't wait for someone to 'give' them to you, you don't negotiate to be 'allowed' to have boundaries. You just have them.

AmberIsACertainty · 11/06/2021 23:33

*from you life, not "identity"

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 02:57

I'm sorry all this is going to seem like a bad joke or something I'm literally in shock

OP posts:
Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:00

I had a massive arguement with him and called it quits. Went to bed crying and told him in the morning I'd be gone. I've just been woken up by him having sex with me. I've just gone to the toilet and I'm shaking. He didnt use any protection. I'm so sore down there because he just went in me asleep. I asked him what the hell and he said he didnt know what he was doing he was asleep. I cant kick up right now my baby is beside me. I dont know what to do. I'm in shock.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:00

The last thing you need is another partner.

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:01

I've texted my mum but she isnt up. I cant stop shaking

OP posts:
joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:01

What you do is report him to the police now.

joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:02

Do not shower. Ring the police.

joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:03

He has raped you with force and your body will right now bear the evidence.

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:06

I'm so scared and sore. No bleeding just checked. I cant do it I cant ring the police

OP posts:
Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:07

I cant believe he said he tried to say he was asleep and unaware. He literally pulled my underwear aside to get there. I didnt sleep completely naked.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:08

Why not? Ring the police and say you've just been raped. They will come and arrest him. Done.

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:08

I cant go back in the room and face him but my baby is in there

OP posts:
joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:09

He is 100% aware

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:09

@joystir59 will my baby be able to see their dad if I do that?

OP posts:
joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:10

Go and get your baby and leave the room with her. Then ring the police.

joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:11

You don't need to talk to him you don't need permission from.him

joystir59 · 12/06/2021 03:12

Your baby seeing her father isn't a priority right now. He just raped you in the same room!

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 03:29

He has gone into the spare room. I cant look at him. I'm still really sore. Feels like a bad carpet burn

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 12/06/2021 03:43

please ring the police.
you are not safe there.
just do it.
they will help you.

timeisnotaline · 12/06/2021 03:56

Go and get your baby. And call the police op. It’s step by step- pick up the phone. Dial. If it helps you can read it: hello my name is and I’ve been raped by my partner. I had told him last night im leaving him. I’m at home with our baby but I need to leave. I’m sore. He’s gone to the spare room. He claims he was asleep, but it’s impossible. He was awake.

Aria999 · 12/06/2021 04:14

Holy crap op listen to pp you need to get the f*k out of this along with your baby xxx

Whereswally2 · 12/06/2021 04:35

I have spoke to my family and will be leaving as soon as baby wakes. In terms of telling the police yes I know that's the right thing to do but I really just need to get my head around things first. I cant think clearly I am exhausted and can not sleep now. My partner isnt a bad man. Sounds silly I know but he genuinely is a good dad. He just isnt nice to me.

OP posts:
Fallingirl · 12/06/2021 05:08

Good dads do not rape the mother of their child. So sorry you are going through this op. Will someone come to pick you up?

joystir59 · 12/06/2021 05:43

He is not a good man. He is not a good dad. Good dads don't rape the mother of their child.