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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 21 sharing a room with us on holiday

475 replies

locko55 · 10/06/2021 17:42

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 10/06/2021 19:49

Are you uncomfortable with it OP? It sounds like you might be but that DH is putting his foot down because if the extra cost of separate rooms.

dopeyduck · 10/06/2021 19:49

If it was a one off and one night thing and it was to cut costs for say a family wedding or something and just a place to crash following a night out then maybe but for a full week away as a holiday it wouldn't be my idea of fun.

Do you not want to share a bed with your DH on holiday? Does your adult DS not want to have some space?

I mean this is the sort of set up I'd look at myself if we went away right now but that's largely because my DS is 18 months old. By the time he's 21 I'd hope he'll be happier in his own room.

Checkingout811 · 10/06/2021 19:50

I’m assuming you all live in the same house and have seen DH & DS topless and you in nightwear, bikini/swimsuit etc?
I still lived with my parents at 21 and would’ve been around the house in pyjamas. I also went away with them at this age and shared a holiday apartment. We did have separate rooms but I doubt I would’ve minded if we didn’t. I don’t see issue.

Livelovebehappy · 10/06/2021 19:50

Discuss it with your DS. Check if he’s comfortable with it, and if he is, and you and DH are too, then it shouldn’t be a problem. You do you OP.

LifeinPieces21 · 10/06/2021 19:51

@LadyOfTheFlowers

I think it's up to them - if they are all ok with it then it's fine.

I find it odd that some are saying they wouldn't share with 14/15 year olds. I wouldn't want my 15 year old alone in another room in another country.

Totally agree with this.

At 21 I think my DS would have his own room but I don't think it's weird. I've slept in the same room as my Aunt and adult friends. Pyjamas on, nothing dodgy happened.

RedactedTaeFeck · 10/06/2021 19:51

You do know that you can have sex at other times than in bed at night with your son in the room? When we had a family room on holiday and DC were young teenagers or pre teens, we'd leave them having lunch or at the pool or an activity session and "go for a walk" and just go back to the room for a while.

frankenpoodle · 10/06/2021 19:51

Not a problem if you're all just sleeping. There's nothing wrong with it at all. It saves money, and sometimes that's worth a little inconvenience. It might mean the family can spend the extra cash on a more expensive outing or eat at nicer restaurants.

Fuckityfucksake · 10/06/2021 19:52

I don't feel it inappropriate, he is your child after all not a mate tagging along and bunking with you.
I would ask my 21 year old tbh and expect his answer to be that he'd prefer his own room in the future.

idontlikealdi · 10/06/2021 19:54

At 21
I would have rather have gouged my eyes out with a rusty spoon.

Holidaying with parents and sharing a room, where's the fun in that?

diamondpony80 · 10/06/2021 19:55

You're family - it's fine if you're all happy with it. I hope my son will still come on holiday with us sometimes when he's 21. He'll be in a room of his own though!

We squeezed him in with us until he was about 15 (17 now), but beyond that we all wanted a little space and privacy so he gets a room of his own now. If we couldn't afford the 2nd room we'd have no problem squeezing him in, but I think he'd probably just decide not to come if he had to share with his parents!

namechangenugget2021 · 10/06/2021 19:55

If you're all happy with the arrangement I don't see an issue to be honest.

Every family is different and what works for one may not necessarily work for another.

I'm in the process of planning a few days away during the summer holidays with my DD and parents.
Not sure yet if my father will be coming but if he is, we'll book two rooms - one for me and DD and the other for my parents. If just DM comes then we'll book a family room for the three of us.

I get it works out cheaper to all be together in the same room but for me personally I'd rather be in a separate room to my father. Love him to bits but I don't want to be sharing a bedroom with him!

But whatever works for you, just go with it.

alreadytaken · 10/06/2021 19:56

My 21 year old child would happily share a room with friends of the opposite sex, sometimes more than one of them, to save money. If young people will happily do that when they are paying for themselves why is it odd to share with parents?

We paid for a separate room for our child from 16, reluctantly as it was a waste of money. I certainly wouldnt think twice about anyone else sharing a room with an adult child.

HairyPotter · 10/06/2021 19:56

Can’t see the issues. I’ve two adult daughters and we often do this.

They are always asked if they want to come and know the deal before hand. Free to pay for their own room or free to stay in with us. It’s fine.

NigellaSeed · 10/06/2021 19:59

Weird after your DD turned 12. 21. Why hasn't he said anything. Maybe you've brought him up to be used to "alternative parenting",

Moonshine11 · 10/06/2021 19:59

@idontlikealdi

At 21 I would have rather have gouged my eyes out with a rusty spoon.

Holidaying with parents and sharing a room, where's the fun in that?

Mustn’t have fun parents then
WinterIsGone · 10/06/2021 20:01

Funnily enough, our DS and DD, aged 20 and 18, were so keen to join us on our fantastic walking holiday that they both shared our room for ten days! We all had a great time, and they had a free holiday.

Sirzy · 10/06/2021 20:01

@NigellaSeed

Weird after your DD turned 12. 21. Why hasn't he said anything. Maybe you've brought him up to be used to "alternative parenting",
Or maybe he has been raised to realise it’s a bed or even he has grown up to enjoy spending time with his parents?
GreyhoundG1rl · 10/06/2021 20:02

Mustn’t have fun parents then
Eh? How fun would your parents have to be to make you want to be in their company 24/7, to bedtime and beyond?!

Ickythefirebobby · 10/06/2021 20:03

We have shared a room before many times with our son who is now 22. We are due to go on a city break this summer and he’s asked to have his own room. We don’t have a problem with that.

I suppose the only issue could be if he doesn’t want to actually tell you he doesn’t want to share a room, out of politeness. Why don’t you give him the option.

Moonshine11 · 10/06/2021 20:05

@GreyhoundG1rl

Mustn’t have fun parents then Eh? How fun would your parents have to be to make you want to be in their company 24/7, to bedtime and beyond?!
It’s not a case of making though is it? She said she would rather gouge her eyes out 😂
Original poster
locko55 · 10/06/2021 20:07

Thanks everyone for all your responses

Yes DS lives at home with us

DH would never want to book a triple room if he knew myself or DS was uncomfortable with it. I suppose it's just something we've always done and I've never really thought about it before.

Will definitely speak to DS and see how he feels about it.

OP posts:
hellywelly3 · 10/06/2021 20:07

Not weird It’s only the same as being in a caravan for example. I thinks it’s more odd a 21 year old wants to go on holiday with his parents

PegasusReturns · 10/06/2021 20:08

Crikey I drew the line with DC sharing when they were 10. The idea of sharing with my teens is horrifying Grin

fallfallfall · 10/06/2021 20:13

how about the ski chalets that are meant to be booked by entire families? we're talking either groups of adults or children and grandchildren?
how strange that you would think sharing a room is inappropriate?

ladyme · 10/06/2021 20:18

Strange answers on this thread. My DD is only 15 but according to this it's weird she would share a room with us. I've just asked her though and she'd rather do that than stay on her own in a hotel. Said if it came to it she'd rather we took the double and her dad had a single. Sometimes I think only children have a bit of a different view on these things to those with siblings as they don't like feeling left out.

However, I think from now on I'd prob ask her if she was cool with it before booking. We've only had Airbnb holidays since coronavirus (she's had her own room) so hasn't really been an issue