DS 21 sharing a room with us on holiday

[locko55]

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.

I don't share a room with anyone (except DH) for any reason, so I'd say absolutely not. I'd rather miss a weekend away than not have my own space to decompress!

If you're all happy with it, fine, but at 21 I'd imagine he'd like his own space and I can't imagine having my cosy end of the day chats curled up with DH with another person in the room, never mind not being able to have sex - despite the MN nuns acting horrified at the concept that your sex life might be a factor in any decision, holidays are generally where you're relaxed and enjoying yourself and sex would be part of that for me.

We had many a holiday travelling round Europe where one or both adult sons have shared a room with us (and before that when they were teenagers). Sometimes we’ve had an apartment with 2 bedrooms or a 1 bedroom and a sofa bed in the living room, which gives us a bit more space, but just the 1 bedroom has worked fine. Groups of adults will share on a weekend away or in a youth hostel dorm, so why not family? More money saved to spend on good food!

I think it's weird your 21 year old still goes on holiday with you, never mind the bedroom sharing

@ufucoffee

I think it's weird your 21 year old still goes on holiday with you, never mind the bedroom sharing

I find it more strange that some families don't enjoy spending some of their holiday time together.

And I find it a bit sad tbh when I hear of younger teens already opting out of them.

Luckily for us 19y loves holidays and, whilst also enjoying a holiday with friends, also wants to come away with us too - nicer hotels, more expensive meals, long haul fancier destinations, what's not to like 🤷‍♀️

Agree that it’s strange - or perhaps unfortunate- that families don’t like to go on holiday together. Ours had holidays with friends/GFs but have always been up for an additional holiday with us - we have some shared interests and they enjoy the good meals. But then they also enjoy coming home now and again.

@Abraxan
I’m with you, thinking it’s strange that a family wouldn’t want to holiday together, regardless of age. I also find it quite sad. I’d hate to think that either my parents or my children would not want to spend time with me on a holiday. Genuine, quality time with family can be priceless, regardless of ages.

I holidayed with my parents in my mid 30s! When I was married. DH was away for a couple of months so I went on holiday with them. He’s been on holiday with his parents too without me recently. (Pre COVID). I was at a conference and he took them to see the fall colors in New England and they stayed over in some cottage where there were two bedrooms. Our three boys got one bedroom and DH shared the second with his parents (in their 70s and 80s). No one spontaneously combusted.

[quote Zanage1]@Abraxan
I’m with you, thinking it’s strange that a family wouldn’t want to holiday together, regardless of age. I also find it quite sad. I’d hate to think that either my parents or my children would not want to spend time with me on a holiday. Genuine, quality time with family can be priceless, regardless of ages.[/quote]
This^

For me there is a difference between spending quality time with people and being with them 24 hours a day. I need downtime. The thought of sharing a room with anyone who isn't my husband stresses me out as I don't feel I could 100% relax. It's not just my parents (or my children when they reach adulthood) it's exactly the same if I was with friends- I'd 100% prefer my own room or just sharing with my husband.

As I have said a few times, for me it's a massive no. As long as all parties are happy it's fine. Personally if we could afford it I would ask the son if he would prefer his own room or if we couldn't afford it ask if he'd prefer to pay for his own room but if he's ok then it isn't a problem.

[quote Zanage1]@Abraxan
I’m with you, thinking it’s strange that a family wouldn’t want to holiday together, regardless of age. I also find it quite sad. I’d hate to think that either my parents or my children would not want to spend time with me on a holiday. Genuine, quality time with family can be priceless, regardless of ages.[/quote]
I can imagine nothing I would like less than going on holidays with both parents, my mother I would be more inclined but wouldn't be jumping up and down either. My own children may or may not as they get older but I wouldn't be getting my knickers in a twist about it either way. But please don't feel sad for me or about people with those kind of dynamics. I find that very condescending. First of all, they may have exactly the kind of relationship and level of closeness they want even if the ever-exalted holidays together aren't part of it. My mother hates going on holidays, with me or anyone else, it doesn't mean she hates me! And even where people aren't close enough to holiday together, it's no tragedy either. I love my parents, siblings and children but also enjoy genuine quality time by myself and with other people too. Some people are simply not that madly familiy oriented, doesn't mean theres anything wrong with them

It’s only weird if you think it is. I shared with my parents a few times when I was a student as it was cheaper. I don’t know if it bothered them but I didn’t think twice about it.

Chatted about this with DS25 who had come home to play with the village cricket team. He thought it was weird to have a problem with it given that lads would share a room.

I'm really lucky as DS still holidays with me, just one week a year. We have similar interests and have a great time! From 18 he had his own room as he is an adult and we both like our own space.

But when my DF took us away when DS was small we had a triple room as it was cheaper. It is whatever works for you!

@Definitelyrandom

Chatted about this with DS25 who had come home to play with the village cricket team. He thought it was weird to have a problem with it given that lads would share a room.

There's a hell of a difference between mates sharing a room and a grown man sharing with his parents!

I wonder if this come down to two ways of viewing time away? For people used to package holidays, who want sun and sangria and relaxing on the beach, the idea of sharing a hotel room is 'weird'. For people who are used to travel, rather than a "holiday", it's completely normal.

I go on holiday now with my adult children and grandchildren but at 21 my holidays with my friends were wild. I'd have been bored stiff on a family holiday. Doesn't mean you don't love your parents or children or enjoy their company.

@tentimesaday

I wonder if this come down to two ways of viewing time away? For people used to package holidays, who want sun and sangria and relaxing on the beach, the idea of sharing a hotel room is 'weird'. For people who are used to travel, rather than a "holiday", it's completely normal.

Bollocks.

I wonder if this come down to two ways of viewing time away? For people used to package holidays, who want sun and sangria and relaxing on the beach, the idea of sharing a hotel room is 'weird'. For people who are used to travel, rather than a "holiday", it's completely normal.

I think there may be something in this.

@Definitelyrandom

I wonder if this come down to two ways of viewing time away? For people used to package holidays, who want sun and sangria and relaxing on the beach, the idea of sharing a hotel room is 'weird'. For people who are used to travel, rather than a "holiday", it's completely normal.

I think there may be something in this.

I agree. I don't particularly enjoy sun holidays and only went on a couple with my ex-husband but they were languid affairs, a bit of sun, a bit of a swim, nice food, lying in bed reading your book for an hour before dinner, good possibility of sex, etc. Definitely more suited to being there alone or in couple and less suited to having a number of adults all trying to relax together. I can much more easily imagine it working better in more active or city type holidays where the room really is just a base.

Separate room for son

I think it's perfectly fine if you are all happy with that arrangement.

There is nothing inappropriate about sleeping in single beds in one room, it's safer and more appropriate than a hostel that's for sure! I really don't undersatand where people get this "it's inappropriate / weird" tagline from like the parents are rampant sex beasts or the DS is the horny kid from American Pie so cant lie to sleep with his parents in beds next to him!?!

As long as everyone's happy and respectful of space and boindaries then it's perfectly fine. I've share hotel rooms with my dad as a 30-something. We both felt safer and more assured the other was ok by being in the same room.

Its surprises me that people are uncomfortable with their say15 yo in their room.... sorry kiddo but you're staying with me where I can see if any weirdo is coming into your room! And even if we had 2 rooms, one adult per room with a kid each. Their safety is more important than your dirty weekend .

@Wackaday

There is nothing inappropriate about sleeping in single beds in one room, it's safer and more appropriate than a hostel that's for sure! I really don't undersatand where people get this "it's inappropriate / weird" tagline from like the parents are rampant sex beasts or the DS is the horny kid from American Pie so cant lie to sleep with his parents in beds next to him!?!

As long as everyone's happy and respectful of space and boindaries then it's perfectly fine. I've share hotel rooms with my dad as a 30-something. We both felt safer and more assured the other was ok by being in the same room.

Its surprises me that people are uncomfortable with their say15 yo in their room.... sorry kiddo but you're staying with me where I can see if any weirdo is coming into your room! And even if we had 2 rooms, one adult per room with a kid each. Their safety is more important than your dirty weekend .

What's your obsession with safety and security? Are you saying you wouldn't stay in a hotel room by yourself or would worry about an adult relative (your Dad) being in a hotel room by themselves? How very odd....

Me and my youngest (23) go away together, sometimes just for the theatre. We often get a double room. I don't have son's so don't know how I'd feel, but my middle DD has shared a room with my eldest and her DP, all adults. If it's a double bed my DDs get in that.

In my peer and friendship groups, family holidays and trips are the norm. All of those under 30 also have their 'wild' holidays.

But if it meant that sex was off the cards for more than four days, I'd avoid sharing. But normally we give each other space and do some of our own things when away. So sex gets moved to day time.

We've all camped and done festivals etc. You might as well be in the same room as in a tent. We take turns to keep watch while the other goes the toilet behind a bush. That would horrify some people. It's just different personalities.