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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 21 sharing a room with us on holiday

475 replies

locko55 · 10/06/2021 17:42

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.

OP posts:
April506 · 12/06/2021 07:53

Not at all weird. I've got grown up kids and we have gone on holiday and festivals together forever. Not sure what the problem is.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 12/06/2021 07:54

Fucking hell don’t people ever just not have sex for a week? Christ alive. We’ve had all sorts of times when dh and I haven’t had sex for weeks at a time - when my Mum was dying of cancer, when I was struggling with disabilities, when our son was diagnosed with autism and it was stressful, when we’re just too knackered, when life gets in the way etc etc-

Fully understandable under those circumstances but precisely because holidays are a break away from the stresses of daily life, it's when a lot of people have more time and energy for sex. It's not like we're all sex maniacs who can't do without for a week.

I had to laugh at the PP who said parents of 21 year olds aren't likely to be having sex very often anyway. WTF is that about?!

KeepingTrack · 12/06/2021 08:21

But @RockingMyFiftiesNot surely that’s a choice?

When when parents were still living overseas, I used to see them once a year for a week or two. I was a similar age than the OP’s dc.
I can promise you that the time we spent together was much more precious than sex. The trip was planned as a trip together rather than a ‘holiday’.
Both my parents and myself had hols on our own where we could then do whatever we wanted (yes even if it wasn’t as glamorous).

Poeple travel together/go in hols for many reasons. Why judging them for that or assume that your idea of a hols is the same than them?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 12/06/2021 08:26

People really don’t understand poverty and how much of the-developing world live do they

Western norms are borne of money not decency

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 12/06/2021 08:30

@KeepingTrack didn't realise I was judging or expecting people to want the same holiday as me???? The OP asked for opinions on sharing a bedroom with a 21 year old. I was sharing my opinion!

Of course, if I was in the situation you describe where I was separated from my DC and I could only see them for a week in a year, and the only way I could see them was to share a bedroom then of course I would - but that doesn't seem to be the situation the OP seas describing.

We have had family holidays with adult DC but have taken self catering accommodation so we can all have our own rooms and some living space. We still ate our al the time but preferred the space of SC.

TatianaBis · 12/06/2021 08:30

@Thisisworsethananticpated

People really don’t understand poverty and how much of the-developing world live do they

Western norms are borne of money not decency

If it’s a poverty issue they could potentially camp in two tents for the price of one hotel room + pay for breakfast etc.
NerrSnerr · 12/06/2021 08:33

Sharing a room with your family at any age, is not a problem, NO YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE! Anybody talking about activities, age and weirdness need to reflect on why they would presume anything other than a small family sharing a room 🤔

It is ok to say 'this is not something I would enjoy' and either pay for a room yourself or not go though. I hate sharing hotel rooms with any adults apart from my husband (and small children). I want to be able to sleep in just my pants if I want, I like to know I can get up early or to bed late and not disturb others etc.

It's ok to have a personal preference and the son may love room sharing or he may not. It would be unreasonable of him to expect them to pay for an extra room if they don't want to.

Mumkins42 · 12/06/2021 08:34

If all of you are happy with it and your 21 year old has always been allowed to speak freely and honestly and is also happy with it then there is no problem.

I imagine there will be absolutely no carnal relations as this would be deeply distressing for your son; it would traumatise me for life in his position.

Whammyyammy · 12/06/2021 08:34

That's really weird, Charlie and the chocolate family style.....

Gabriellejayne · 12/06/2021 08:57

There is no way I'd have stayed in a room with my parents at 21, it would have been my worst nightmare. Sitting at the same table as them when out for a meal was quite enough 🤣

At 21, my parents liked to visit and stay with us for holidays (DH and I lived in another country) and DM loved to rearrange my house and try to take over, until I snapped and DH would say something, then she'd play victim so I felt like shit. Happy Times 🤣)

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2021 09:08

@Whammyyammy

That's really weird, Charlie and the chocolate family style.....
So Charlie's family were weird because they were poor? You judge every poor person as weird?
Quietintheranks · 12/06/2021 09:36

What is the point of going on holiday and being more uncomfortable than staying in your own house

GreyhoundG1rl · 12/06/2021 09:43

So Charlie's family were weird because they were poor? You judge every poor person as weird?
That is so not what she said...

Prinzy · 12/06/2021 09:45

@NerrSnerr no it definitely is okay to say it makes you few uncomfortable, it’s not to dismiss those concerns but for the sake of objectivity I don’t think there’s a problem by default.

I know I wouldn’t have enjoyed sharing a room with my parents, but I like to think as a father If in X years when my little boy is 21, and the circumstances called for it, that he would feel comfortable sharing a room with mum and I, but if he didn’t I completely would understand 😊

Stay safe and take care

SadieCow · 12/06/2021 09:45

So Charlie's family were weird because they were poor? You judge every poor person as weird?

Such projection!

timeisnotaline · 12/06/2021 09:52

Ours aren’t that big but we will be sharing tents and cabins when hiking ie you all sleep next to each other. When I was 21 I shared a room with family friends, two double beds I think, so the two parents, me, and two four year olds. I didn’t think twice, they were taking me to NY for thanksgiving and it was awesome.

Chris39 · 12/06/2021 09:56

Our son is 18 and we would do this if he wants to come with us this year. It's something he's grown up with and I don't think he finds it difficult.

MadKittenWoman · 12/06/2021 11:09

Not weird here. When we went for a road trip in America with our 17-year-old son and his girlfriend, we often shared hotel rooms if we weren't camping with two tents. We haven't bothered with sex ourselves for years but we would go out for a while and give them some privacy. He is now 21, a single student, and still happy to come on holidays abroad with us, although if we can't get a 2-room apartment he sleeps in the living room as he stays up late online with friends. We have always preferred 3-4 week holidays in self-catering accommodation, exploring the local sights, food, culture and scenery than a week laying by the pool in a 5-star hotel. We get on well, he is not weird, has plenty of friends, but if the choice as a poor student is no holiday because his friends aren't doing anything or a free one with the parents he has a great relationship with, he'll take the free holiday.

thetis · 12/06/2021 11:16

This is fine if you are all comfortable with it

pollymere · 12/06/2021 11:18

We share tents and rooms with my one (15) but I wouldn't want to do it for more than a couple of nights. We now tend to stay in cheaper hotels or ones that offer Family Deals on rooms so they can have their own room. It's mostly because sometimes you just need your own space. My parents always got me my own single.

tentimesaday · 12/06/2021 11:49

This will really freak you guys out:
My 18 year old daughter and I often travel with my brother and my sister in law (in their fifties) and we all share one room! We take road trips and stay in hotels where the rooms have two king sized beds. Not a problem! Saves a ton of money!

h1nch · 12/06/2021 11:52

Have you asked your son for his opinion?

Zanage1 · 12/06/2021 12:04

@Prinzy
I think this post sums up how I feel pretty much. It is absolutely fine.

I would like to think that my son or daughter would feel comfortable staying with me in a room at any age! I think they just shows the absolute, beautiful closeness that a family has. That they feel comfortable in a shared environment. I don’t have that close relationship with my mum, but I am
Sure as heck doing the best I can, so that my kids always feel happy and want to be with me.

It is a shame that the OP has been given such feedback as ‘weird’, as this could suggest that it is wrong to continue to be a close family past a certain age. Yes, there is always commons decency, such as not having sexual relations or walking around bare naked when in a room with family members, but that would be the same if you were sharing with a friend or other relative.

Live and let live, I say.

ilovechocolate07 · 12/06/2021 12:27

I'm not sure what the problem is here. Is it because there's a couple and an extra adult or is it because you think a 21 year old shouldn't share with parents?

In a youth hostel there could be you 3 and extra people sharing.

I don't see a problem going away with my child in the future and sharing a room. We've actually talked about travelling.

Northernsoullover · 12/06/2021 15:15

Some friends of mine (a couple) share a room with a long standing female friend when they go away for a weekend. They always book a triple. The single friend wouldn't be able to afford her own room. Its for a shared hobby. I can imagine half of MN fainting at that scenario Grin

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