Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 21 sharing a room with us on holiday

475 replies

locko55 · 10/06/2021 17:42

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 10/06/2021 23:47

[quote SadieCow]@SleepingStandingUp sex is not the primary reason for a holiday, stop exaggerating!

But, yes me and DH thoroughly enjoy more sex in a weeks holiday away from full time work, daily house duties and rush... certainly wouldn't want our DS in the same room to alter that.

No shame enjoying sex, I'm bloody glad we're still interested and bothered!

I'd book an extra room for him, before you say "oh but they might not be able to afford it", then go somewhere cheaper.

Bloody hell you spend years doing all this when they're young, it's time for mum and dad ( and DS), to s you their own time.

And as for the DS having a ONS elsewhere, maybe she'll be bunking in with mum and dad as well, then what? [/quote]
No one is saying you or op shouldn't enjoy sex, bit if it isn't a decent holiday unless you have sex all week, maybe op and her family just have different priorities. Maybe they know he'll be out clubbing til 1 every night so do it then or maybe they're just able to prioritise something other than sex for a week.

And as a single guy, I'm sure he'll manage to go a week without having sex with a randomer.

Onehotmess · 10/06/2021 23:48

Why does everyone have such strong opinions on this?! I think is it was DS and partner that would be different 😂
I shared with my parents aged 16 on holiday. We didn’t holiday together again after that though. If they had invited me at 25, I would go though, they are my parents, not some strangers. I’m not sure why it’s so triggering for people, surely it’s just a conversation between the parents and the son?
Ask your son, rather than a load of strangers on the internet (a lot of whom apparently can’t stop honking long enough to be in a room with someone else!) 😂

Onehotmess · 10/06/2021 23:48

*bonking 😂😂😂

Bagelsandbrie · 10/06/2021 23:49

[quote SadieCow]@Bagelsandbrie DH and I prefer our shagathons on holiday, more time for them.

Doesn't make us weird because we don't want to share with a 21 year old DS.

Yeah we've had times of no sex, not died, but children grown up, stresses less and we can relax a bit.

I think bringing into your mum dying of cancer and you not having sex, is no relevance to the OPs question and a rather awful thing to compare to. [/quote]
I’m not comparing it. I’m saying all relationships go through periods of no sex and having the odd week or two of no sex - for whatever reason- is absolutely normal and okay.

I am allowed to mention my own experiences.

I just don’t understand why people find it so outrageous to go a week without sex.

But there we go. We are all different I guess!

I’m just very practical and pragmatic about stuff. I try and find the good in situations and make the best of things. I think if an adult child and their parents are happy to share a room all together to enjoy their company then that’s great, life is too short for worrying about the lack of sex.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/06/2021 23:52

@Onehotmess

Why does everyone have such strong opinions on this?! I think is it was DS and partner that would be different 😂 I shared with my parents aged 16 on holiday. We didn’t holiday together again after that though. If they had invited me at 25, I would go though, they are my parents, not some strangers. I’m not sure why it’s so triggering for people, surely it’s just a conversation between the parents and the son? Ask your son, rather than a load of strangers on the internet (a lot of whom apparently can’t stop honking long enough to be in a room with someone else!) 😂
It does make you wonder what some people are imagining is going on in the minds of op and her family
BorderlineHappy · 10/06/2021 23:53

@Bagelsandbrie the ds is 21 and his parents havent died.

To be fair i find it weirder its only come up now.

Even if the op didnt find it weird,dont your kids find it weirder before you do,

DeathOnTheNile · 11/06/2021 00:05

I've gone on holidays with my parents at that age and shared a room. It was fine from my perspective and I assume they must have been fine with it too, or they would've told me to go get my own room! But we did busy city breaks where we were out and about all day - it might have been weirder if it was a slow and lazy resort holiday.

esterwin · 11/06/2021 00:07

When I was 16, 17 years old, my parents, sister and myself used to go on holiday and stay in this old mill. It was one room with a double bed and two singles. It was fine.
Pretty sure my parents had sex when my sister and I went to the local shop aka flirting with the local lads.

SadieCow · 11/06/2021 00:11

@Bagelsandbrie I don't think anyone finds it outrageous that people can't go without sex for a week, we've all done that 🙄

What I'm saying is, on holiday...

I can go without wine ..... but I don't want to, enjoy a lovely few glasses in the evening on holiday. Don't do that at home (except at the weekends!) Not an alcoholic!

I can go without having a bit of a lie in ..... but I don't want to, normally up early dog walking, getting to work. DH very often up at 3 for shifts. Doesn't make me lazy to lie in.

I can go without doing what we want all day, be it sunbathing, wandering round a different environment, taking a tour etc, doesn't make me selfish that I want to do this on holiday.

But your comment here,,,

Fucking hell don’t people ever just not have sex for a week? Christ alive.

Would appear to say that any loving married couple wanting to have more time for sex and intimacy were sex addicts! It's so extreme your attitude, including the "have your shagathon" when you get home?

Again, we've all not had sex during times of trauma, like a parent dying etc, but that's is totally not relevant to this post.

My DS would be welcome on holiday with us, in his own room. To give mutual privacy to all parties, not just for a "shagathon" (as you so eloquently describe a loving married couple having sex a bit more often on holiday). But because me and DH may have things we want to discuss and don't want our DS there all the time. May want different bed and wake up times. I'm sure my DS would not want to keep exactly the same hours as as oldies!

ElephantOfRisk · 11/06/2021 00:16

Do those who find it weird and keep saying "but he's 21" have adult/older teen children or is this based on how you were at that age or how you imagine your DC will be? I have to say I also never imagined that I'd still be taking adult DC on holiday and yet I am. It just didn't turn out the way I expected and I'd feel guilty as hell leaving my son on his own while I went off on holiday, knowing that he'd also like to be on holiday rather than on his own.

SadieCow · 11/06/2021 00:19

@ElephantOfRisk mine are 24 & 26

SadieCow · 11/06/2021 00:21

@ElephantOfRisk posted too soon, they've been on holiday with us as adults (most recently one of them at 25), but separate rooms.

He's a night owl anyway.....I'm most certainly not!

Grin
SadieCow · 11/06/2021 00:25

*not 25.... 20! I need to go to bed! Grin

They've shown no interest in holidaying with us since then, but I think it will come back when they're a little older.

lotstolose1 · 11/06/2021 02:01

Me and my partner went on holiday with his family at 17. And we had to share a room with his mum. God it was the worst thing ever. Never mind at 21.

My parents have recently asked if we'd like to join them on their caravan holiday, I've declined as I wouldn't even want to share a caravan with them 😂

lotstolose1 · 11/06/2021 02:03

But it saying that, if it was me alone, going away with my DM then I wouldn't mind at all. So it all depends really. I went away with my nan for 4 nights recently and we shared a double.

I just think when any part of the party is a couple it makes things a bit weird...

Musication · 11/06/2021 02:30

as long as you're all just sleeping then I can't really see the drama here. A couple of years ago I took my 2 DC on holiday with my mum (DH was working). Had 2 connecting rooms - my kids shared one and I shared the other with my mum. I was 33 too!

BorderlineHappy · 11/06/2021 02:30

Do those who find it weird and keep saying "but he's 21" have adult/older teen children or is this based on how you were at that age or how you imagine your DC will be? I have to say I also never imagined that I'd still be taking adult DC on holiday and yet I am. It just didn't turn out the way I expected and I'd feel guilty as hell leaving my son on his own while I went off on holiday, knowing that he'd also like to be on holiday rather than on his own.

Yes my oldest ds is 26 and my youngest ds is 10.So i really can see both sides.
The 10 year old is a bit young to be in a room on his own,the 21 year old is not.

I also remember being 21 theres no way on hell i would have gone away with my parents and stayed in 1 room for a week.

sweetgingercat · 11/06/2021 02:32

Yes, I did this with my parents many a time... the last time was in a hotel room in Paris on their wedding anniversary and I was 40ish sleeping in a single bed behind a curtain... they were def too old to DTD and we had a brilliant weekend.

Maverick101 · 11/06/2021 05:53

@sweetgingercat

Yes, I did this with my parents many a time... the last time was in a hotel room in Paris on their wedding anniversary and I was 40ish sleeping in a single bed behind a curtain... they were def too old to DTD and we had a brilliant weekend.
Um -- they were...?
MagicSummer · 11/06/2021 08:00

OP, you must remember that on MN everything revolves around how often you have sex! Especially on holiday. After all, it it the No. 1 important thing in the world. Sigh!

WettyHainthrop · 11/06/2021 08:29

@sweetgingercat

Yes, I did this with my parents many a time... the last time was in a hotel room in Paris on their wedding anniversary and I was 40ish sleeping in a single bed behind a curtain... they were def too old to DTD and we had a brilliant weekend.
😳
SadieCow · 11/06/2021 08:48

OP, you must remember that on MN everything revolves around how often you have sex! Especially on holiday. After all, it it the No. 1 important thing in the world. Sigh!

Oh dear........

Imagine a WOMAN enjoying and wanting sex with her DH on holiday! Sigh

AuntieMarys · 11/06/2021 09:12

How old is too old to DTD? Interested to know......

SadieCow · 11/06/2021 09:18

@AuntieMarys

How old is too old to DTD? Interested to know......
According to some mumsnetters as soon as you've conceived your last child.
SleepingStandingUp · 11/06/2021 09:41

If a 21 yo son and his Dad went away together, would it be ok for them to share? Son and Mom? Is it the mixed m/f sex thing? Or the ohh ahh sex thing?