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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 21 sharing a room with us on holiday

475 replies

locko55 · 10/06/2021 17:42

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 10/06/2021 22:43

sorry coldwine...when i travel with my 35+ year olds and we share a room OR when i travel with my 80+ year old mother myself and share a hotel room...you don't "drink and get intimate" you are respectful and deal with the need to share a room for cost saving measures. you read a book, you journal, you review and edit the day's photo's, you discuss what movies might be suitable to watch as a family, you decide what sites to visit the next day OR what yummy food item you hope to order and try tomorrow.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 10/06/2021 22:44

To those people questioning why a 21 year old doesn't pay for his own room -all the 21 year olds I know/have known in recent years are students, so don't have money to pay for hotel rooms.

SadieCow · 10/06/2021 22:48

*Well no sex for you or him

Not much of a holiday*

This!

BorderlineHappy · 10/06/2021 22:50

Ah no its weird.

  1. I cant believe its the only time its come up [ooer missus]
  2. Would your ds not mention it. Does he not have any cop on.If nothing else,if he had hos own room he could bring his own partners there.
Dizzy1234 · 10/06/2021 22:50

On holidays I've shared a room with my mum, I've shared with my sisters and shared with my daughter, I've also regularly shared with oh and DSS, now 17 yrs old, nothing wierd about it at all, it's family.
I quite like getting into bed and chewing over the day with family, nice to get home and get my privacy back tho!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/06/2021 22:52

@SadieCow

*Well no sex for you or him

Not much of a holiday*

This!

Maybe op and her partner don't have sex that often. Maybe they're happy to have lots of sex at home and go without for a week to make the holiday affordable. And if he wants to have a ONS with a randomer on holiday surely he can go back to theirs? And not all 21 yos are into them anyway.

I actually think it's sad that the primary highlight of a holiday is sex

TheHateIsNotGood · 10/06/2021 22:54

Not sure why so many think "its wierd" - it's not. Maybe have a family discus about the 'holiday arrangements' before you book anything.

JaceLancs · 10/06/2021 22:54

Interesting replies
I’m single at present but in my 50s took my elderly parents on touring holiday DF was 87, DM 73 - sometimes we shared a room if cheaper - only issue for me was I like to stay up late n read they did early nights and early mornings when I was trying to lie in
I still go on holiday with my DD 29 and DS 28 occasionally both with and without their respective partners depending on type of holiday and relationship status at time! Sometimes it’s been a room for 3, usually we try and go 2-3 bed apartment - mainly based on cost

Hugoslavia · 10/06/2021 23:08

There's other places to have sex than the bedroom

... Like on a lilo in the swimming pool??

BorderlineHappy · 10/06/2021 23:10

I think that is terribly sad. Sex is not everything. Parents are wonderful, especially if they take you on holiday for nothing!

Really the ds is 21 not a child.
I think dont bring ds or get the fucker his own room.
And sex is very important to a relationship.
Plu hes not a child or an elderly parent so its not the same at all.

CorianderBee · 10/06/2021 23:12

That's fucking weird... he's an adult not at 10 yo

CorianderBee · 10/06/2021 23:13

@Cassimin

Can’t see the problem. If you were camping you’d all be in the same tent.
No they wouldn't? What?
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 10/06/2021 23:14

I think it's absolutely fine and normal.

He can get changed in the bathroom.

I really don't see a problem with it. It's lovely that he will still holiday with you......

YellowFish12 · 10/06/2021 23:22

I think I started to really want my own room when I was about 17/18 but mainly because dad snored and also got up really early. Not fit any ‘uncomfortable’ reasons.

However, when the option was ‘you can come to Barbados but it’s a triple room, or not come” I’d take the holiday and the triple room 😂

Bagelsandbrie · 10/06/2021 23:24

@BorderlineHappy

I think that is terribly sad. Sex is not everything. Parents are wonderful, especially if they take you on holiday for nothing!

Really the ds is 21 not a child.
I think dont bring ds or get the fucker his own room.
And sex is very important to a relationship.
Plu hes not a child or an elderly parent so its not the same at all.

It’s a WEEK!!

Fucking hell don’t people ever just not have sex for a week? Christ alive. We’ve had all sorts of times when dh and I haven’t had sex for weeks at a time - when my Mum was dying of cancer, when I was struggling with disabilities, when our son was diagnosed with autism and it was stressful, when we’re just too knackered, when life gets in the way etc etc- we’ve been happily married for nearly 14 years. And we still have a lot of sex but there are times when we don’t and that’s normal! And going on a holiday and sharing a room for a week you’d just not and not worry about it surely?!

I find mumsnet so weird about sex on holiday. There was another thread recently where the dh was in a strop because they had booked a room with the kids at Disneyland. Surely you’d just shelve the sex for the duration and just enjoy the holiday? It’s not like no one is ever going to have sex again.

Wait till you get home and have a shagathon!

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 10/06/2021 23:26

@YellowFish12

I think I started to really want my own room when I was about 17/18 but mainly because dad snored and also got up really early. Not fit any ‘uncomfortable’ reasons.

However, when the option was ‘you can come to Barbados but it’s a triple room, or not come” I’d take the holiday and the triple room 😂

Yup, and a good pair of earplugs!
YellowFish12 · 10/06/2021 23:27

Weird he still wants to go on holiday with you at his age, on his own

I’m sorry you have such a crap relationship with your children that they can’t stand to go on holidays with you 😞 you poor thing. Hope you can repair the relationship and enjoy spending quality time together on lovely holidays in the future.

user1471604848 · 10/06/2021 23:27

Before lockdown, my 2 sisters, my mum, and I used to go on holidays. We used to get two rooms, so one of us shared with my mum. She's in her 90s and we're in our 40s/50s. No issues sharing with our mum, obviously.

When I was pregnant with my twins, I used to wonder if they were boys, at what age they wouldn't want to share with me on holidays. They're boy/girl and only babies, so I still need to find out at what age they're no longer comfortable to share with me.

RedactedTaeFeck · 10/06/2021 23:27

Doesn't anyone have any capacity to understand that not everyone is the same? My eldest is nearly 21, he's a student, very socially anxious. If he didn't come on holiday with us then he'd not holiday at all and if the only option was sharing a room then he'd do that. Not every 21 year old has a bunch of mates to go away on a lads or lasses holiday or will be out "scoring" and needing a room. Younger DS is also a student but lives away and will likely holiday with his girlfriend. I wish DS1 was in the position of wanting to go off on holiday with friends but I'd rather he was with us than sitting alone in his bedroom while we go without him.

SadieCow · 10/06/2021 23:28

@SleepingStandingUp sex is not the primary reason for a holiday, stop exaggerating!

But, yes me and DH thoroughly enjoy more sex in a weeks holiday away from full time work, daily house duties and rush... certainly wouldn't want our DS in the same room to alter that.

No shame enjoying sex, I'm bloody glad we're still interested and bothered!

I'd book an extra room for him, before you say "oh but they might not be able to afford it", then go somewhere cheaper.

Bloody hell you spend years doing all this when they're young, it's time for mum and dad ( and DS), to s you their own time.

And as for the DS having a ONS elsewhere, maybe she'll be bunking in with mum and dad as well, then what?

SadieCow · 10/06/2021 23:30

I’m sorry you have such a crap relationship with your children that they can’t stand to go on holidays with you 😞 you poor thing. Hope you can repair the relationship and enjoy spending quality time together on lovely holidays in the future.

Projection much?

BorderlineHappy · 10/06/2021 23:30

@Bagelsandbrie Yes having a week away in the same room is the exact same as your mother dying.

Hes an adult going on holidays with his parents.
We all have young kids thats not acceptable to be in their own rooms in a hotel. I get that.

But hes 21

im2sad · 10/06/2021 23:34

See how your DS feels.

As an adult I'v shared a twin room with my dad and DH has with his for 1 night. For a week with both parents I'd probably find it odd.

SadieCow · 10/06/2021 23:35

@Bagelsandbrie DH and I prefer our shagathons on holiday, more time for them.

Doesn't make us weird because we don't want to share with a 21 year old DS.

Yeah we've had times of no sex, not died, but children grown up, stresses less and we can relax a bit.

I think bringing into your mum dying of cancer and you not having sex, is no relevance to the OPs question and a rather awful thing to compare to.

SkedaddIe · 10/06/2021 23:42

I think it's weird that people find it weird.