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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS 21 sharing a room with us on holiday

475 replies

locko55 · 10/06/2021 17:42

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.

OP posts:
rbe78 · 11/06/2021 09:43

@Cassimin

Can’t see the problem. If you were camping you’d all be in the same tent.
Nah, teenagers get there own tents!
SleepingStandingUp · 11/06/2021 10:06

@SadieCow

OP, you must remember that on MN everything revolves around how often you have sex! Especially on holiday. After all, it it the No. 1 important thing in the world. Sigh!

Oh dear........

Imagine a WOMAN enjoying and wanting sex with her DH on holiday! Sigh

Imagine someone prioritising family time for the sake of one week without sex.

The point is different people have priorities at different times.

There's nothing wrong with you telling the kids they can't come on holiday as it'll impact on your sex life. There's nothing wrong with not having sex on holiday so she can spend time with her kids

tentosix · 11/06/2021 10:22

I did this with my adult son with just us in single beds for an impulse trip to Turkey. It worked fine

MintyMabel · 11/06/2021 10:28

Why wouldn't ds pay for his own room at 21?

Because decent parents don’t cut their children off the minute they turn 18

I think that is odd and would have been deeply uncomfortable with it at his age.

I think it’s odd you would be deeply uncomfortable with it. I went on holiday with my mum and DD who was 11 at the time. We shared a room and there was nothing uncomfortable about being in the same room as my sleeping parent.

SadieCow · 11/06/2021 10:34

@sleepingstandingup

You do realise that they can have separate rooms? All the drama lama at telling a family member they can't go on holiday, what utter tosh!

I can't see me ever saying to DS that'll mess our sex life up, how ridiculous. I would say though, we are getting separate rooms this time, we can then all have our own space.

Waits for the cry of "but it's more expensive"!

OP says they book it as it's cheaper, the DS is now 20 and is it time to stop.... YES!

She did not say she wouldn't be able to afford it!

I agree that people have different priorities, but the utter contempt of couples wanting time for intimacy on a holiday is ridiculous.

A holiday away being compared to "i didn't have sex when my DM was dying, save your shagathon, the whole can't you control yourselves for a week"

It's almost like sex is an unsavoury thing and enjoying it is deemed like you have some of sort of issue.

Again, no one has said the DS can't come because mum and dad are going to be shagging all day everyday, they have said that they wouldn't want to share a room. We did all that when the DCs were young.

SadieCow · 11/06/2021 10:39

I think it’s odd you would be deeply uncomfortable with it. I went on holiday with my mum and DD who was 11 at the time. We shared a room and there was nothing uncomfortable about being in the same room as my sleeping parent.

Totally different situation though!

Streamside · 11/06/2021 10:41

Let's say it's an action packed holiday and you're just crashing into bed at night I really can't see the issue. Hotel prices are horrendous at present and it wouldn't concern me in the slightest.

takemetomars · 11/06/2021 10:43

@locko55

Me, DH and DS 21 are going on holiday for a week next month, we have always shared a triple room on holiday, the room has 3 single beds in it. I just wondered recently whether this is not appropriate given that DS is an adult now. DH likes to book a triple room as it is cheaper. DS has never said anything against being in a triple room with us but maybe he doesn't want to complicate matters and just puts up with it.
Totally normal to do this when holidaying in the States, we do this every year in Florida with our 34 year old daughter
theleafandnotthetree · 11/06/2021 10:48

@MintyMabel

Why wouldn't ds pay for his own room at 21?

Because decent parents don’t cut their children off the minute they turn 18

I think that is odd and would have been deeply uncomfortable with it at his age.

I think it’s odd you would be deeply uncomfortable with it. I went on holiday with my mum and DD who was 11 at the time. We shared a room and there was nothing uncomfortable about being in the same room as my sleeping parent.

21 is three years, not a minute after a child turns eighteen. I have a 14 and 10 year old and don't feel any serious obligation to bring them on holidays now, let alone when they are adults. It might happen, it might not depending on mutual interests, their ability to at least contribute towards it and whether I felt like it or not. I am very close to my children and they to me, holidays are a very small part of our lives and I wouldn't extrapolate anything about the quality of relationships from whether someone wanted to share a room with an adult child or not. But then holidays have become fetished to an extent in the modern world, some people's lives virtually revolve around them
Moutarde · 11/06/2021 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/06/2021 11:02

[quote SadieCow]@sleepingstandingup

You do realise that they can have separate rooms? All the drama lama at telling a family member they can't go on holiday, what utter tosh!

I can't see me ever saying to DS that'll mess our sex life up, how ridiculous. I would say though, we are getting separate rooms this time, we can then all have our own space.

Waits for the cry of "but it's more expensive"!

OP says they book it as it's cheaper, the DS is now 20 and is it time to stop.... YES!

She did not say she wouldn't be able to afford it!

I agree that people have different priorities, but the utter contempt of couples wanting time for intimacy on a holiday is ridiculous.

A holiday away being compared to "i didn't have sex when my DM was dying, save your shagathon, the whole can't you control yourselves for a week"

It's almost like sex is an unsavoury thing and enjoying it is deemed like you have some of sort of issue.

Again, no one has said the DS can't come because mum and dad are going to be shagging all day everyday, they have said that they wouldn't want to share a room. We did all that when the DCs were young.[/quote]
You're far more contemptuous of people having a priority for holiday that isn't sex though. It's perfectly fine to not take the adult children on holiday. To get their own room. To tell them to pay. But there's also nothing weird or odd or wrong with adults sharing a sleeping space even if one of those is a couple.

They do it because it's cheaper so either they can't afford the more expensive option or they are all sufficiently comfortable physically that it's worth the saving.

Presumably if there was burning resentment over a lack of sex or masturbation they'd make other plans

SleepingStandingUp · 11/06/2021 11:04

@Moutarde you're secretly hoping the parents have a foursome with their son or have sex to his rhythm? It's not op that's weird....

Bitofachinwag · 11/06/2021 11:15

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@Moutarde you're secretly hoping the parents have a foursome with their son or have sex to his rhythm? It's not op that's weird....[/quote]
I agree. Horrible post.

thecatsthecats · 11/06/2021 11:20

It's not inappropriate, but it wouldn't be much of a holiday for me.

I like to sleep to my own routine on holiday, and would hate both a single bed, and having two other room mates, whoever they were.

Lights on/off, noises, bedtime habits/routines, morning routines - I'd hardly sleep a wink, and that's before anything like sex, changing etc comes into consideration.

finallymightbehappening · 11/06/2021 11:39

Honestly it's fine. I have a lovey memory of sharing a room in Las Vegas with my parents when I was about 22!! I didn't think anything of it and in fact wouldn't have wanted to be relegated off to my own room alone. My mum and dad were good fun though and my dad didn't mind if I threw my pillow at him if he started snoring.

SkedaddIe · 11/06/2021 12:51

I'm late 30s and I've shared a room and even a bed with most of my close family members male and/or female for various reasons such as property projects or big family gatherings like funerals.

We could easily afford an Airbnb/hotel etc but it's just the way we've been raised. I'm Ghanaian and family is family and that is all.

Parkmama · 11/06/2021 13:08

@Cassimin good point about the camping!! We have a beach hut in our family and will often will share the downstairs section with my DH and my DF, it's never crossed my mind that this is weird because we have always done it. I wouldn't book a hotel room with this set up because it's not really ideal but my point is, if you have always done it and it works for all 3 then what's the issue? I would ask your DS out of curtesy if he would prefer his own room this time, if not, crack on and enjoy your holiday

SleepingStandingUp · 11/06/2021 13:41

I went on holiday alone with my Dad at 17 in a one bedroom apartment. If he had sex, it wasn't when I was around and I didn't have sex with random men. God knows the consternation it would cause to some on this thread

omgthepain · 11/06/2021 14:03

Very weird
Tell your husband to stop being so tight and get the 21 year old his own room

esterwin · 11/06/2021 14:14

Some of you have lots of money and so see it being tight to get a triple room. Plenty of us do not have the money to just pay for an extra room without that being a meaningful amount that would impact what else we can do.
In OPs situation it would mean we could go away one week a year instead of two.

WhentheDealGoesDown1 · 11/06/2021 15:06

If DS came with us in our touring caravan we would all be in the same room, we would have the fixed bed in the middle and DS, the made up bed at the front, we wouldn't shove him in the awning.

theleafandnotthetree · 11/06/2021 15:35

@esterwin

Some of you have lots of money and so see it being tight to get a triple room. Plenty of us do not have the money to just pay for an extra room without that being a meaningful amount that would impact what else we can do. In OPs situation it would mean we could go away one week a year instead of two.
Or the 21 year old ADULT could stay at home or fund his own holiday! At what point does a parents obligation to include their children in holidays end? I would have said 18 but clearly I'm living in an alternate universe here. As for people accusing the OP's husband for being tight for not springing for another room, he has presumably had 21 years of paying/co-paying with the OP for holidays, now he is expected to UP his spending, not withdraw from it. Unbelievable....
theleafandnotthetree · 11/06/2021 15:38

@finallymightbehappening

Honestly it's fine. I have a lovey memory of sharing a room in Las Vegas with my parents when I was about 22!! I didn't think anything of it and in fact wouldn't have wanted to be relegated off to my own room alone. My mum and dad were good fun though and my dad didn't mind if I threw my pillow at him if he started snoring.
You wouldn't have wanted to be relegated off to your own room at 22? I find that very unusual. And if your parents were paying for the whole thing, please tell me that at 22 (22!) that you agree they would have had the right to have THEIR own room and privacy..
Smrahc48 · 11/06/2021 17:20

Weird

whatagirlwants · 11/06/2021 17:21

For goodness sake hes their son.