To not want any grandchildren?

[Manzanilla55]

Just that really. I had ds my only child at age 41 and am now 57. By the time he moves out I imagine I will be 62. I just want peace and quiet after that. He doesn't want children either as he has plenty of family on his dad's side in London. Of all ages. I happened to mention in passing I did not want any to a couple of people and boy were they shocked. There are plenty of things to enjoy in life without grandchildren. Am I really unusual and am I missing something here? I just prefer a nice simple life hobbies interests plenty of me time and a modest social life. I don't even crave a bloke. Am I really strange as I just don't feel that I am.

@Aquamarine1029

I don't absolutely not want grandchildren, but I definitely don't care if I'm ever a grandmother. To be totally honest, I have often thought in recent years that I kind of hope my children, who are 21 and 24, don't bring children into this screwed up world. I have very mixed feelings about it.

One thing I do know for sure is that I will definitely not be providing regular free childcare to my potential future grandchildren. Not a chance. Of course I will love them and love to spend time with them, but I will not be the regular child minder so their parents can go back to work. Never going to happen. I've done my bit raising kids, thank you very much. I truly loved having my kids, but I'm done with all that.

This expresses almost exactly how I feel. I don't actively passionately NOT want grandchildren but I definitely don't actively want them either. Like you, I wouldn't be altering my life substantially around their presence.

I feel the same , I have a 10 year old with sn and he won't leave home . My dd is older and even if she has a baby at 25 I'll be in my late 50's . I don't want to babysit , I want to have a bloody rest . Luckily she doesn't like children so it's all good ! 🤣

If he changes his mind just do the bare minimum like my mil

I honestly think it's such an odd way of thinking, you wanted/had a child with all the effort, pressure and sacrifices that come with it but you don't want grandchildren which is all the fun of having a child without the responsibility. I can completely understand not being bothered either way but to actively not want them seems so strange.

@Sally872

I wouldn't want grandchildren to live in my house, or to be responsible for all the childcare while parents worked.

I think it is strange to not want them at all though. I mean seeing them one afternoon every other weekend would hardly eat into your time and likely bring a lot of joy.

I can understand being indifferent about it but surprised anyone would actively not want grandchildren.

My mum was never fussed about grandchildren which was just as well as due to fertility issues I never managed to provide her with any.

My DB did eventually, he became a dad quite late, but by that time my mum was past being able to provide any childcare.

It's weird actually.

I don't need grandchildren to occupy my time (frankly didn't need my children for that either, it's not like anyone is "bored" and need a child to give them something to do)

but when you enjoyed your own child, why wouldn't you enjoy your own grandchildren? Presumably you won't see them that much anyway, so it's best of both worlds. You give them back to their parents after a few hours if you ever babysit.

A 16 year old not wanting children is normal, i would be very worried if one wanted kids that young, even planning for later.

I think it is hard enough for young people these days financially without the commitment of bringing up their own children. I wouldn't be surprised if population numbers now dwindle since the pandemic. Digressing now. That said I remember my mum saying to not bother having any to me a good few years before she died. Which I still find mildly amusing to this day. I am glad I have ds of course but just wanted to find out other's views. To see if I really was u nusual.

@decoratedstandardlamp

This is weird post to write. Let's just keep it between you and MN, rather than telling anyone else in real life.

Imagine how you'd have felt if a parent or inlaw thought they had any day your reproductive choices.

But they frequently appear to think they do, though the most vocal are usually urging people to provide them with grandchildren, rather than not. There’s a current thread from someone with PSTD after the birth of her twins whose parents and ILs are continually on her back about having a third child.

The OP is unusual only in being vocal about not wanting them.

I feel the same. My boys are still young but I’m not bothered if they have children or not. If they want to, great, if they don’t, great. It’s their life and their decision and it has nothing to do with me. I will support whichever they choose, however I would be disappointed if they became parents during their teen years.

I think you should change your user name to nanzilla55

Lots of women don't want to take on the role of doting involved grandparent. That why there are so many thread by new parents complaining their parents don't help them out.

Refusing to babysit is weird too. If you have enough time to waste on something like MN, it sounds very selfish to refuse to help out your child. Even weirder not to enjoy spending time with the kids.

Didn't you LIKE your own children when they were little?

@Manzanilla55

Does anybody else feel the same?

I secretly hope for none too. Would never mention it to my DC of course.

Your DS doesn't want children because he has plenty of family on his dads side

A very odd comment ! I don't think very many people factor this into their reasoning for having children of their own, OP.

I think, much like children, a lot of people like the idea of having grandchildren more than the reality. Like a grandparent broodiness

I totally understand people who don't want their own children, but grand-children? I understand less.

I'm afraid it's up to him. Just make it clear that you won't be a free childminder.

It would be safer to say you don’t want to be hands on if they come along. You don’t actually have any control over your DS’s procreation.

I think it's unusual to actively not want grandchildren, in most cases you get all the joy of seeing them grow up with none of the commitment or responsibility. I certainly wouldn't want my 16yo to have a child, or in fact any child who wasn't in a secure relationship and stable financial situation but if they had their life sorted then I'd be thrilled to see them have children if that's what they want.

obviously you dont have a say in the matter. You may change your mind after the arrival of grandkids though; my dm didnt want any and now she is crazy about them more than she was for me. Being a gm is different than a dm, and you may feel it suits you better.

YANBU and me either, but I will love them if my children do decide to have them and that's up to them obviously. With the amount of children we have pretty sure I will get some.

It’s not your choice to make. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

My children are young but I don't feel like I'd be disappointed if I never had grandchildren. I would be happy for my children if they wanted children and they had them though, because ultimately I just want them to be happy.

Yanbu. I agree with you!

You don't get a say though do you?

Your son's not a cat you can neuter.

That's not your choice. Nor is it something you should try to influence anyone on.