BlueLipstickRocks what I would like to see from you, rather than this endless stream of demands that women fix this problem for you, is some empathy and respect for women. An acknowledgment that you have mistreated us by appropriating our spaces without our consent.
That you have behaved in a very similar way to a great number of other biologically male people, throughout history: that is, treating us as if we are a commodity that exists to validate you, make your life better/easier, instead of human beings in our own right; with no thought of the impact of your actions on us, the consequences for us.
You say this problem is for us to solve. Why? You don’t think we have enough problems of our own to solve already? Are you really so unaware of the burden we already carry as female people in a world historically and currently predisposed to hugely disadvantage us?
Life takes such a toll on so many of us already. It has been documented that cultural traumas, such as the Holocaust or the Transatlantic slave trade, make their mark on the groups affected going down through generations after the specific trauma itself has ended. The children, grandchildren and who knows how many times great-grandchildren can carry within them the legacy of the horror that was inflicted on their forebears, even though they never lived through it themselves.
Of course the oppression and subjugation of women can never be directly compared to that of an ethnic group or race because of the very different dynamics between oppressor and oppressed in the differing cases: women's position is unique in that for most of us, our intimate lives are in some way bound up with at least some of those from the class who oppress us, whether those men are fathers, brothers, husbands or sons.
But I suspect there is a similar phenomenon.
How can we not be affected, growing up knowing how many of our sex have been hideously abused by those of the opposite sex? Knowing that throughout history we have been lesser, our inferior status frequently codified into law? Women’s bodies bought and sold, exploited and abused, women's voices silenced, women’s pain ignored, women’s labour demanded and rarely justly recompensed?
What does it do to our psyche, to know these things about the world we live in? To know that it still goes on, here and further afield, in myriad different ways? Because this trauma is a long way from over.
We’ll never know really, because it’s impossible to do a controlled experiment and find out how different life would be for women brought up in a world where male oppression of females had never existed. That world won’t ever exist; the best we can hope for is a world where male oppression of females no longer exists, and that’s not going to happen unless we bring it into being.
And what I’m asking you to do is play your part in bringing that world into being. Acknowledge that you as a biologically male person have benefited from female oppression in ways you’ve probably never thought about - but you still have. Our lower status was what made it possible for someone like to you to access our spaces in the first place. If we had more power in society, you wouldn’t have presumed to breach our boundaries in that way.
Our lower status is what makes it very hard for someone like you to be acknowledged as a man: an effeminate man who identifies with the role societally expected of a woman is seen as lesser because women are seen as lesser. There has never been the same contempt for “tomboys” as there has for “sissies” because girls are not lessening themselves by “acting like” boys, because girls are already lesser.
If there were no disparity in status between males and females, there would be no shame in being an effeminate man, it would not attract contempt and there would be nothing to escape from. Being transsexual is predicated upon the continued lesser status of women and superior status of men. That harms us.
I understand that you’re between a rock and a hard place in that respect because those values are still embedded in our culture.
But so are we.
And your use of us to alleviate your hardship makes our hardship yet harder.
What I would like from you is some recognition that women have suffered, suffer enough. That women have the right to boundaries. That women have the right to respect. That even if it can’t be policed when a biologically male trans person truly passes (which is rare, I’m sure you’ll agree), the decent thing for a male person in that position to do would be to not impose on women.
That the decent thing for all biologically male trans people to do would be to find a solution to their problem that doesn’t take away anything from women. Because the minute you claim entry to our spaces, you are taking something away from us. You’re taking away our single sex spaces and services, and you’re also taking away our right of consent. Just streamrollering right over it.
You want to draw a distinction between you and the aggressive proponents of self ID, the holders up of the trans umbrella.
But it was “genuine transsexuals” who started all this. “Genuine transsexuals” such as Christine Burns and Stephen Whittle who campaigned and lobbied for the GRA, who went on a deliberate mission to try and bring about far-reaching social and legislative changes by stealth, unbeknownst to the vast majority of the population.
Who quite intentionally chose a name for their lobby group that had no reference in it at all to the fact it was on behalf of transsexual people - “Press for Change” - so that it wouldn’t be immediately clear what their purpose was.
The fact is there is no way to distinguish between “genuine transsexuals” and all the others under the umbrella. We cannot compel people to have surgery. We cannot have a panel adjudicating on whether someone “passes” or not. We cannot include some male people in the category of “woman” and exclude others who also wish to be in that category.
The only way forward that I see is a campaign to encourage all male people to see women as full human beings. That would ultimately benefit effeminate male people too, if the status of “feminine” was on a par with that of “masculine”. You could be part of that. You could acknowledge that it is male privilege that has made you feel entitled to extract mental/emotional labour from women, and override our boundaries, just as male privilege (and the power of brute force) has made men feel entitled to extract all kinds of labour from women and override our boundaries in all kinds of ways since forever.
An example of you extracting mental/emotional labour from women, btw, is your behaviour on this thread: insisting this is women's problem to solve. Also expecting us to accommodate you in single sex spaces, regardless of the impact on us. And of course there’s the boundary overriding.
I don’t consent to you being in women’s single sex spaces. I know I am out of step with some aspects of current law there, but it is my truth. I was never asked. I never gave my consent. If I was asked now, I would say no. If I had known about the GRA at the time, I would have protested against it, and I suspect a lot of other women would have done so too.
I recognise that there is no easy answer to where this leaves you but I do not accept that it is up to me to find the solution. You took something from me without asking in the first place: it’s not up to me to find an adequate replacement for you now I’m asking you to give it back.
So. There you are. Do you want to try and be part of a better world, where male people observe the boundaries and acknowledge the lived experiences of female people, and show us the respect we deserve, even when they could get away with not doing so? I wonder.
It would be really refreshing if you did.