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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You shouldn't smoke over a baby

172 replies

spanielstail · 09/06/2021 17:32

I saw a woman today with a tiny new born in a pram with no sunshade over it in scorching sun whilst she stood over it smoking a cigarette.

She saw my disgusted look and I didn't feel the tiniest bit bad for it. I know on one hand it's none of my business but I fought so hard to have children. I went through so much IVF and Heartbreak and to think other people have children that they don't care if they are harming just really affects me.

I don't think smoking around children should be legal. That baby will have breathed in second hand smoke whilst she puffed away and then again later off her clothes. The sun was so hot today was well on his delicate skin. Sad

OP posts:
Megan2018 · 09/06/2021 20:14

Children’s A&E the other week was full of awful chavvy women with babies with coughs-that kept going outside to smoke over their prams. Vile. It should be illegal.
I let rip at the one that blew smoke over DD (who was there for croup).

mumjustmum · 09/06/2021 20:15

I'm with you @spanielstail. A few weeks ago when weather was sunny but still freezing, saw a very very drunk mum with a ton of cans of beer in a park in our city, her (looked to be) four year old had no shoes or shirt on at all, just jogging bottoms. Yes it's sunny, but all other people in the park were in parkas, coats, kids in snowsuits.
I rang 101 and asked for the police to do a welfare check. They did. I slept that night. Good on you @spanielstail.

Royalbloo · 09/06/2021 20:16

Nah, none of your business. She may have stopped smoking and lost the three babies beforehand. This is judgey bollocks imo.

You cannot understand what someone else is going through or has to deal with.

She's not doing crack...or abusing her child.

Stop glaring at people - if you saw a two year old on the shoulders of a man who was smoking, would you genuinely say anything? Probably not, everyone tells me what a "great Dad" my ex is but he's permanently stuck to a rollie, yet if I had a cig at the park (which I would never ever do) I'd get glared at forever....

Royalbloo · 09/06/2021 20:20

If also add that I had a huge stomach tumour, a family member had died and I went out for a fag at the back of my work place at lunch time. Three women on bicycles stopped and had a massive go at me because I was, "Clearly smoking when 6 months pregnant." I couldn't even speak and went home in tears.

If you were anywhere in Hampshire and you remember this I'd urge you never to do this again. It's one of my worst memories.

ChrisOnTheBeach · 09/06/2021 20:20

100% agree, and how the hell is a third of people on here thinking YABU?! Confused

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/06/2021 20:22

You did right. Hopefully the dirty look will make her consider what terrible risks she’s putting on her child. Although, reading through your replies, probably not.

Livpool · 09/06/2021 20:23

Smoking close by children is vile and people should be judged. A newborn is even worse

OhGiveUp · 09/06/2021 20:23

I don't agree with smoking around, over or near babies but......
She probably smoked throughout her pregnancy too, so smoking near her baby after the birth is a little like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.
It always baffles me how mum's to be puff away while pregnant, then don't smoke near their babies after they've born.
That said, I've never smoked and I don't understand why anyone would want to in any circumstances to begin with.

EmeraldShamrock · 09/06/2021 20:26

Children’s A&E the other week was full of awful chavvy women with babies with coughs-that kept going outside to smoke over their prams. Vile.
Okay smoking over a baby is vile, like your choice of words.

Royalbloo · 09/06/2021 20:27

Can anyone understand that addictions are hard to break? Can't we just be kind?! We judge the smoking mother WAY more harshly than the obese mother - why?

And Dad's get off with doing whatever they want? They really do....

ChangePart1 · 09/06/2021 20:29

@Royalbloo

Can anyone understand that addictions are hard to break? Can't we just be kind?! We judge the smoking mother WAY more harshly than the obese mother - why?

And Dad's get off with doing whatever they want? They really do....

A person smoking around their child is directly and immediately harming them physically.

Can you not see the difference between that and a parent being obese?

Guarantee a dad smoking over his newborn would get the same level of vitriol.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/06/2021 20:29

@Royalbloo

Can anyone understand that addictions are hard to break? Can't we just be kind?! We judge the smoking mother WAY more harshly than the obese mother - why?

And Dad's get off with doing whatever they want? They really do....

People don’t develop cancer as a direct result of their parents being obese.

This “be kind” shite is so unbelievably dangerous. It’s basically just a way to stop the uncomfortable conversations we need to have in order to protect our most vulnerable.

EmeraldShamrock · 09/06/2021 20:30

This particular OP had 2 goady posts deleted on a 16 post thread earlier.
Now OP has wound you all into a frenzy, name calling.
Hook line and sphincter.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 09/06/2021 20:32

@EmeraldShamrock

This particular OP had 2 goady posts deleted on a 16 post thread earlier. Now OP has wound you all into a frenzy, name calling. Hook line and sphincter.
Or maybe we’re following the rules of Mumsnet and debating in good faith despite our suspicions.

It’s a good conversation to have regardless.

Ozanj · 09/06/2021 20:32

@OhGiveUp

I don't agree with smoking around, over or near babies but...... She probably smoked throughout her pregnancy too, so smoking near her baby after the birth is a little like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted. It always baffles me how mum's to be puff away while pregnant, then don't smoke near their babies after they've born. That said, I've never smoked and I don't understand why anyone would want to in any circumstances to begin with.
Yes true
notajot · 09/06/2021 20:36

Yes, it is absolutely vile to smoke around children, obviously there are worse things, but just because it's not the worst thing ever, it doesn't detract away from the fact that this is vile, irresponsible and potentially extremely damaging to their health.

EmeraldShamrock · 09/06/2021 20:37

People don’t develop cancer as a direct result of their parents being obese.
Oh yes they do. They form eating habits around their parents, obesity causes cancers and other debilitating illnesses.
Not agreeing with smoking lady either btw.

Original poster
spanielstail · 09/06/2021 20:40

This particular OP had 2 goady posts deleted on a 16 post thread earlier.

I wasn't being goady and it was on the same subject of doing right by a baby. I was possibly being more outspoken than usual because I was wound up after my experience of seeing this woman.

Interesting range of views. I don't by the maybe she's having a bad day or cutting back from heroin lines as it's still an awful thing to do.

I only mentioned my IVF as I think it's context to a level of disdain I feel rather than being superior in any way due to my experience. Although actually yes I do feel a little superior that I don't smoke on small children.

OP posts:
Original poster
spanielstail · 09/06/2021 20:40

*buy

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 09/06/2021 20:44

I wasn't being goady and it was on the same subject of doing right by a baby. I was possibly.
Awh I see.
Yes I thought the subject may have inspired this thread giving how vocal you were on what type of people should have babies.

Bimblybomeyelash · 09/06/2021 20:44

Smoking is disgusting. Smoking over tiny little babies with their pristine little lungs is just gross. I can’t believe that people are defending such behaviour. I unashamedly judge those who smoke over their babies and I judge those of you who are defending it!

PixieDust28 · 09/06/2021 20:51

You don't know if the woman in question struggled to conceive you're just judging. And because you had to go through IVF I'm sorry OP but it doesn't mean other people shouldn't have children because they decide to smoke. That's a really shitty thing to even insinuate.

I don't agree with the smoke going over the baby at all. I don't like seeing it either but I wouldn't write a post about it to tell other people how much of a bad mother you thought she was.

Also, the baby was in a pushchair so assuming carry cot which have hoods? Are you saying that wasn't pulled or the fact she didn't have a sunshade to go over?

ChrisOnTheBeach · 09/06/2021 21:21

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I have to agree, this #bekind bullshit is just ridiculous now. It's basically the new version of 'stop nagging, and shut up wumman!'

How about these parents #bekind to their babies, and NOT smoke around them. It's foul. IDGAF if it's a habit they can't break. There is no excuse to smoke around your babies/children. No. Not ever.

As a few pps have said, people who do it, do deserve judgement and scorn.

SkodaKodiaq · 09/06/2021 21:27

@spanielstail After your abhorrent spiel on another thread earlier, I'm actually quite concerned about your mental state. I think you need to seek some kind of support