You shouldn't smoke over a baby

[spanielstail]

I saw a woman today with a tiny new born in a pram with no sunshade over it in scorching sun whilst she stood over it smoking a cigarette.

She saw my disgusted look and I didn't feel the tiniest bit bad for it. I know on one hand it's none of my business but I fought so hard to have children. I went through so much IVF and Heartbreak and to think other people have children that they don't care if they are harming just really affects me.

I don't think smoking around children should be legal. That baby will have breathed in second hand smoke whilst she puffed away and then again later off her clothes. The sun was so hot today was well on his delicate skin.

Why on earth wouldn’t those neighbours judge, whether they knew the background of those girls or not?

As I said, judge away. It makes people feel good about themselves to think they're better. So great. Win win.

I choose actively helping the girls make better choices over time. With support. It satisfies my need for the moral high ground and I think it works. Win win again.

It doesn't matter if the baby has suncream on. A new born should be in the shade full stop.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Why on earth wouldn’t those neighbours judge, whether they knew the background of those girls or not?

As I said, judge away. It makes people feel good about themselves to think they're better. So great. Win win.

I choose actively helping the girls make better choices over time. With support. It satisfies my need for the moral high ground and I think it works. Win win again.

You sound bloody amazing.

I doubt she was stood there blowing it directly into her baby's face. can't see anyone doing that. And as outside, I doubt the baby came into much contact with the smoke, if any.

You sound bloody amazing.

I have good self-knowledge of my egoism, don't worry.

Shocking - kid will end up looking like Madge from Benidorm before you know it

I agree with you @MrsTerryPratchett.

While clearly, nobody thinks smoking around a baby is a good idea, it actually can become an either or situation for some people if they've been addicted to drugs or alcohol for a long time.

It's very easy for people who haven't been in that situation, (like me btw), to froth like hell and jump up and down about how disgusting it is. As MrsTP says, it makes them feel better about themselves if they can have a good old froth about some stranger and her baby. But, I'm really glad there are people who do what MrsTP does instead. Ranting and raving is utterly useless and unhelpful, except as a way to make yourself feel better about something lacking in your own life. What MrsTP does might actually do some good for these babies, (who people on here say they care so deeply about...is it the babies you care about? Because if so, you'd be more like Mrs. If you care about getting enraged at a stranger because she has a baby and isn't taking the level of care you imagine you would, then continue judging. But that doesn't actually help at all).

@gottakeeponmovin

It's nothing to do with you. I'm sure you are not perfect. Focus on improving yourself not judging others

Those two things arent mutually exclusive, I'm sure most of us can manage to do both without it consuming much of our day

Are you really saying that someone who sees a parent smoking over a baby isn't allow to think that's a very bad thing to do?

What about if the mother is letting the hot ash fall on the baby or hitting it when it cries. Do we also walk on by and try to make ourselves better people?

@MrsTerryPratchett

You sound bloody amazing.

I have good self-knowledge of my egoism, don't worry.

I - ... no, you've lost me, now.

You are allowed to think what ever you want. Giving the mother the evil eye though is not acceptable

OP hasn’t been back and I’m almost sure it was set up so we can all have a bloody good froth over it.

I - ... no, you've lost me, now.

What I mean is that judging or helping are both done for the same reason. To make ourselves feel good. I think my way is better but I'm aware it's also selfish.

No idea if that makes sense! Probably not. I'll get my coat.

I smoked throughout my pregnancy. I remember standing outside the labour ward, my waters had broken and I snuck out for my last cigarette before having my baby. I'm sure plenty of people judged me massively every time they saw me smoking and probably still do. The guilt and shame I felt consumed me but I still couldn't stop. So, whatever. Judge away. (: I'm finally in a place where what other people think of me doesn't bother me a jot.

*Are you really saying that someone who sees a parent smoking over a baby isn't allow to think that's a very bad thing to do?

What about if the mother is letting the hot ash fall on the baby or hitting it when it cries. Do we also walk on by and try to make ourselves better people?*

You can think whatever you like quietly to yourself, but you shouldn’t be outwardly judgmental and throw dirty looks the mothers way. Not when you don’t know the situation.

No one thinks it’s good to smoke around a baby, and while smoking outside whilst pushing my baby in a pram isn’t something I would do. I wouldn’t judge someone as being a terrible parent for it. They might have tried really hard to get to a place where the worst thing they do is smoke 🤷‍♀️

@SmidgenofaPigeon

OP hasn’t been back and I’m almost sure it was set up so we can all have a bloody good froth over it.

💯

Such a revolting habit. That poor baby has no choice but to inhale it.

My MIL smokes. She has to go outside when she’s visiting us. When she comes back in, she will suck a mint and sometimes spray perfume, but the stench is still there (mingled with mint or flowers smell makes it yuck). We don’t visit her house, primarily because she smokes inside 🤢

I agree with you and I would have been throwing some dirty looks her way. There was a parked car near the school gates recently , could see smoke coming out of the drivers window, as I approached the driver got out then opened the rear door and took out a baby in a car seat. Couldn't help but stare and then glare.

@blaisealex

I smoked throughout my pregnancy. I remember standing outside the labour ward, my waters had broken and I snuck out for my last cigarette before having my baby. I'm sure plenty of people judged me massively every time they saw me smoking and probably still do. The guilt and shame I felt consumed me but I still couldn't stop. So, whatever. Judge away. (: I'm finally in a place where what other people think of me doesn't bother me a jot.

Oh that's all right then.

Carry on. I'm sure you're children don't mind

YANBU for thinking it was grim and worrying about the baby.

YABU to use your fertility issues as a barometer by which you judge who “deserves” to have children. I know it’s difficult, I am supporting a very close friend who is going through real awfulness in terms of fertility issues on her own, but as much empathy as I have for her (and you) I don’t think it gives anyone any more right to judge others and find them wanting.

Cigarette smoke goes up though? Unless she was blowing it down into the buggy. What's with all the moaning about people smoking outside today?

cigarette smoke goes directly up if there isnt any breeze at all.

Awful
However smoking in pregnancy is so much worse. Possibly drinking too.

I'm judging her with you OP

Smoke doesnt seem to go up, ive walked behindsmokers and its pretty horribke

Cool story. 😎