Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

@Youresogolden

I have to admit, I find it weird to ask for her bank transfer details for a tenner 🙈

You don't need her bank transfer details, you just need to give her yours.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

You're really overthinking it all. She said she'd pay you back next time she sees you, so there's no point in all this hand-wringing about how to get your money back and whether it was intentional.

If you're this anxious then I would practice some stock responses for if this happens again. "Oh sorry I can't cover yours, I need to pay for petrol on the way home" or whatever. It's usually when we're put on the spot that we agree to things we don't really want to do.

This is a good idea. This is a really small thing for someone to get so worked up about when the event where she agreed to pay it back hasn't even occurred yet.

Do you generally struggle with social stuff OP?

@Youresogolden

I think I’ll just wait and if she doesn’t pay, I’ll just chalk it down to experience and not pay again most likely

This makes you sound a right drip.

Tbh OP, you'll never know whether it was an honest mistake or not if you don't know her that well so no point wondering. Don't just let it slide though.

What I would do is message and say 'I know you were going to to pay me back that £10 when we meet but please can you transfer it instead, I've had an unexpected bill. My details are...'. I know that your financial situation is nobody else's business but it acknowledges her intention to pay whilst just getting it out of the way.

@LordOfTheOnionRings

Also, this is a lot of analysis about her character for the sake of £10

Yep! All about out of hand to me tbh, accusing of her being a thief and it’s all part of her plan 🙄

Just ask for it back. If she genuinely forgot she'd not think twice and she'd drop it round or wore it to you in an instant.

If she's a grifter she will make excuses then pull a DARVO in which case it's done you a massive favour tbh. Better off finding out now than later when you gonfir afternoon tea at sone posh cafe and your then 50 pound out of pocket.

But I think you know the answer don't you or you'd have asked already

@Youresogolden

I have to admit, I find it weird to ask for her bank transfer details for a tenner 🙈

You don't. You give her your bank details so she can transfer the money. FFS. She should have asked you for them then and there and made a note on her phone so she could pay you back. This says a lot about her. I mean, she's scatty and 'forgetful' but she organises meet ups just fine.

You really need to learn some assertiveness. The taking the change, I mean. 'Oh, that's my change!' The end.

@LordOfTheOnionRings But that’s my point, I’m not really fussed about the £10 itself but would like to know her true character

[quote Youresogolden]@LordOfTheOnionRings But that’s my point, I’m not really fussed about the £10 itself but would like to know her true character[/quote]
Well you'll find out in two days, won't you.

@ChangePart1 I’m genuinely not worked up or anxious etc, I am curious about if it was deliberate

@ChangePart1 Struggle with social stuff how? I don’t think I generally do

@MoisterThanAnOyster Does it though? For the sake of a tenner 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote Youresogolden]@LordOfTheOnionRings But that’s my point, I’m not really fussed about the £10 itself but would like to know her true character[/quote]
I think posters here have made you believe she’s done it on purpose.

'Looking forward to our meet up, your turn to pay this week!'

"Hi friend looking forwards to seeing you at X. Here's my bank details for that tenner from last time, or bring a tenner when we meet at X, whichever works for you!"

I’d chalk this up to experience and learn that when you go out in a group like this, take a lot of pound coins and some £5 notes. If you have bigger notes or a card, someone is going to stiff you. I’ve been on enough of these types of meet up. Now I only go out with people I know, who are not bastards.

Also get a paypal.me address and send her that, it's less faff than a bank transfer (although a transfer is still perfectly reasonable)

Text her today explaining that your tight for cash this week. Ask if she’s good to give you the tenner back or you won’t be able to afford to go.

It's not petty to ask.

You paid for her food(?)/drink, & you might be bothered about that, but she also took the change from somethng she hadn't even paid for!

Or course you want that back!

Also, how would it have embarrassed her to say that it was your change?

Forgetful person here. I’d be happy to receive a text reminder before!

Just wait

She’ll pay when she sees you next

Not everyone is a CF

( MNers can be a bit quick to lay little bombs under other MNers real life friendships imo)

I’d give her the chance to give the £10 to you at the start of the meet up. If she doesn’t I’d ask for it.

@Youresogolden

I have to admit, I find it weird to ask for her bank transfer details for a tenner 🙈

I meant if I was her not you 😂