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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being a dick to ask for the money back?

427 replies

Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:30

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

OP posts:
tbtf · 09/06/2021 13:54

I'd text my bank details, or PayPal etc today "it'll be easier than you remembering cash on Friday"

QioiioiioQ · 09/06/2021 13:54

[quote Youresogolden]@QioiioiioQ Do you really think so?[/quote]
Yes if you had accidentally stolen someone else's £10 note you would be mortified and anxious to pay it back as soon as possible but she's laughing it off as if she's accidentally nicked 5 pence, she's hoping that she can get away with it through a combination of you being too embarrassed to ask for it back and her pretending to forget about it

Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 13:56

Are we really accusing her of stealing £10? 😂
More than likely a genuine mistake.
How didn’t you realise at the time op that you didn’t get any change?

jellybeansforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 13:57

Nice that you don't have to fret over a tenner @Moonshine11!

QioiioiioQ · 09/06/2021 13:57

I would give her two chances, bring the cash, if she doesn't do that give her your bank details, if she ignores that go out with her forget your purse and steal £10 from her so that you're even

Bluntness100 · 09/06/2021 13:57

Yeah I’m in the “mistake my arse” camp. Text and ask. Guaranteed she’ll just “forget” otherwise.

Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 13:59

@jellybeansforbreakfast

Nice that you don't have to fret over a tenner *@Moonshine11*!
😂😂 ffs
pasturesgreen · 09/06/2021 13:59

If she's a friend and it was already a few weeks ago, I'd personally chalk it up to experience and let it go.

If you actually need the money back, that's different though!

YellowFish12 · 09/06/2021 13:59

100% ask or she might forget to bring cash. Don’t know why she couldn’t just have transferred to you using a mobile banking app tho at the time!

jellybeansforbreakfast · 09/06/2021 14:01

You can laugh but it just ignores OPs circumstances.

And makes you sound like the kind of person that thinks nothing of borrowing 'just a tenner' and not paying it back!

2bazookas · 09/06/2021 14:02

text a reminder to bring your 10 quid.

But don't count on it to pay your way.

OhRene · 09/06/2021 14:02

@MaskingForIt

Just text “hi friends, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, I’m a bit skint this week so can you bring the tenner you owe me otherwise we’ll be going hungry”
I'd do that too. If she has no intention of repaying, she will have an emergency and not come. I knew lots of people who would play the skint card when it come to paying people back, but will still have enough to go out for lunch or drinks etc.
Karatema · 09/06/2021 14:02

I'm scatty, all my friends know I'm scatty! One has text me this morning to ask for money I owe her; no offence taken on either side and I would be mortified to think she wouldn't remind me!

Original poster
Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 14:02

@Moonshine11 That was the confusing thing as I was sorting the money for waiter from everyone, we’d all given notes, eg-the brunch was £8 and my tea £2 so I think I gave 10 then was looking for change for her drink, going through coins. It was quite awkward as was taking me ages to get coins in my messy, toddler toy infested bag and I think she was embarrassed so said why didn’t I just put a 20 in and she’d get her change. At the time I was all confused with a toddler hanging off me and the waiters waiting, I also didn’t want to embarrass her in front of our friends as she seemed embarrassed. Later as I was driving home, it clicked, not only did she not pay for her drink, she profited too 🙈later she texted acknowledging her mistake and laughing and said we’d meet and she’d pay me back.

OP posts:
Umbra · 09/06/2021 14:03

Ask her now. I can't stand 'forgetful' people like this.

'I'm a bit ditzy, me' - must save them a ton of cash. It's not petty to ask for what you're owed.

OurChristmasMiracle · 09/06/2021 14:03

Just a simple hi x don’t suppose you could bounce that tenner into my account rather than cash please?

Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 14:04

@jellybeansforbreakfast

You can laugh but it just ignores OPs circumstances.

And makes you sound like the kind of person that thinks nothing of borrowing 'just a tenner' and not paying it back!

Like I’ve previously said it’s just what I would do, I said she should ask for it back if she needs it, which she does so fair enough.
Original poster
Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 14:04

*For the waiter

OP posts:
XiCi · 09/06/2021 14:04

If you need it this week id probs send my a/c details and just say 'would you mind popping that tenner in my account, I've had an unexpected expense and I'm a bit skint'. I think though that if I was that hard up that a tenner would make such a difference I would have noticed that she was pocketing the change at the time!!

SunshineCake · 09/06/2021 14:05

Interesting how many people are scatty and forgetful after they have had someone pay for them.

ChangePart1 · 09/06/2021 14:07

I don't understand why people are being so nasty about this woman though, and saying stuff like 'of course she "forgot"' and so forth.

She said she'd give OP the tenner next time they met up, and they haven't met up yet. So what has she done wrong? OP has presumably gone along with that plan or said it's okay and hasn't asked for it before then, so what on earth has this person done wrong?

Am I missing something? OP lent her friend £10, friend said she'd give it back next time, next time hasn't come around yet. What's the issue!?

Moonshine11 · 09/06/2021 14:07

[quote Youresogolden]@Moonshine11 That was the confusing thing as I was sorting the money for waiter from everyone, we’d all given notes, eg-the brunch was £8 and my tea £2 so I think I gave 10 then was looking for change for her drink, going through coins. It was quite awkward as was taking me ages to get coins in my messy, toddler toy infested bag and I think she was embarrassed so said why didn’t I just put a 20 in and she’d get her change. At the time I was all confused with a toddler hanging off me and the waiters waiting, I also didn’t want to embarrass her in front of our friends as she seemed embarrassed. Later as I was driving home, it clicked, not only did she not pay for her drink, she profited too 🙈later she texted acknowledging her mistake and laughing and said we’d meet and she’d pay me back.[/quote]
Ah I thought it was just you two!
She’s acknowledged it I would give her the benefit of the doubt definitely.
Is worth a text if you need it.

Original poster
Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 14:07

@XiCi I did sort of notice but everyone was around and I also sort of though ‘Surely not’

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 09/06/2021 14:08

@MaskingForIt

Just text “hi friends, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, I’m a bit skint this week so can you bring the tenner you owe me otherwise we’ll be going hungry”
No don't do this. Your financial situation is no ones business and you shouldn't have to justify wanting your money back !
Original poster
Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 14:09

I think I’ll just wait and if she doesn’t pay, I’ll just chalk it down to experience and not pay again most likely

OP posts: